By Andrew Jones
June 6th 2008 @ 9:06am
The top 5 apt sporting names
Each week Andrew Jones will select a list of sports people united by some feature other than competence.
This week it is the correlation of their name with their talents. As always (well, since this column started last week) Jonesy welcomes your alternative line-ups.
My Top 5 Apt Sporting Names
1. Usain Bolt (c) – inspired this week’s list with his blistering world record in the 100m sprint. 9.72s makes him the quickest Jamaican since Michael Holding, and makes Merlene Ottey look like a mid-80s Kiwi medium pacer (naturally Ewen Chatfield springs to mind).
2. SCG MacGill (vc) – seizes the vice-captaincy this week by retiring unexpectedly. His 49 Test wickets at the SCG were a triumph of skill, perseverance and nominative determinism: while his father and grandfather played for WA, Australian selectors did not find much merit in their claims to be specialists at the “TMD” and “CWT”.
3. David Hookes – another cricketer with early claims to a self-fulfilling surname, his ambitions were revised after a bouncer from Andy Roberts, whose surname is apparently an Anglicised version of the old Antiguan handle IfyouhookmeIllbreakyourjaw.
4. Christian Cullen – named for the explosive All Black fullback, this 1998 NZ Horse of the Year showed blistering speed over a mile, collected 14 Group 1 and II races and is now the most expensive pacing stallion in the world. He also remains on Mr Ed-style speaking terms with John Mitchell.
5. George Best – he only polled 16th in 1999’s World Player of the Century, so should probably be called George XVI to make this list. On the other hand he did say “I spent a lot of money on booze, birds and fast cars … the rest I just squandered.”
If that’s not the best ever sporting quote, I don’t know what is.
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Moneypenny said | June 6th 2008 @ 10:42am | Report comment
Dale Kickett in AFL’s a pretty good example, I’d have thought - query whether the name relates to his on-field kicking or the fact that he’s the only player to have played for five AFL clubs………
Spiro Zavos said | June 6th 2008 @ 12:56pm | Report comment
I reckon “Deans” is a good name for a coach. And if the Wallabies snatch a victory against the run of play, “Robbie,” would be a good first name.
Jerry said | June 6th 2008 @ 1:27pm | Report comment
Andrew Hore is aptly named for a hooker.
The Wounded Tiger said | June 6th 2008 @ 2:01pm | Report comment
Jarryd Roughead has one of the ugliest mugs outside of SA.
Jerry said | June 6th 2008 @ 2:10pm | Report comment
There was an American baseball player by the name of Rich Batchelor, but he got married so his name is no longer appropriate.
Kento said | June 6th 2008 @ 2:37pm | Report comment
I nominate Bob Cunis, a 20 Test bowler for New Zealand.
He was an honest seamer, neither fast nor slow. His bowling was like his surname… which was once famously described as “neither one thing nor the other”.
Mick of Newie said | June 6th 2008 @ 3:12pm | Report comment
Richard Champion always struck me as a bit full of oneself.
Moneypenny said | June 6th 2008 @ 3:48pm | Report comment
Kento, that comment was a great call.
Memo to self - do not read amusing blogs while sipping hot beverage, as can lead to nasty injury.
Spiro Zavos said | June 6th 2008 @ 4:24pm | Report comment
Is Salmond a good name for an AFL leaper?
And then ehre was Dr W.G.Grace, the great Victorian batsman. Opponents complained that they had to put up with Grace before and after lunch.
Ian Jessup said | June 6th 2008 @ 6:39pm | Report comment
Don’t forget serial pest Peter Hore - he’d do anything for cheap publicity.
Wayne Carey - behaviour was very wankery.
Laurie Daley - only played monthly.
Wendell Sailor - got busted with a prostitute.
Andrew Jones said | June 6th 2008 @ 7:40pm | Report comment
Great stuff folks - keep ‘em coming! Cheers
RK said | June 6th 2008 @ 7:58pm | Report comment
Good stuff, fun reading. If I knew who anyone was, would love it even more.
Wally said | June 7th 2008 @ 9:33am | Report comment
I always thought Luc Longley was quite apt for a man who is 7 foot 2!
Spiro Zavos said | June 7th 2008 @ 12:18pm | Report comment
There was a Springbok prop in the 1930s, O.E.Bastard, who had a good name for a hard man. He later committed suicide, I believe.
MOB said | June 8th 2008 @ 11:05pm | Report comment
The world of V8 Supercars has a predestined trophy holder in Jamie Whincup.
Andrew Jones said | June 9th 2008 @ 10:50am | Report comment
There’s that other determined revhead too - Will Power
Dublin Dave said | June 18th 2008 @ 10:09pm | Report comment
Regarding George Best, there is allegedly a mural/graffiti near his place of birth in Belfast bearing the slogan: “Maradonna good; Pele better; George Best”
Another appropriately named sportsman was the Scottish player Gordon Mcilwham who played for Munster for a while. He was of course a prop.
And no such discussion would be complete without deviating away from sport for just a moment to mention the long established legal firm of Argue & Phibbs in Sligo, Ireland. It really did exist. Google it if you don’t believe me.
Pat said | September 30th 2008 @ 11:43am | Report comment
Let’s not forget the West Australian indigenous player who came across to Essendon. He wasn’t much good but his name kept us amused - Willy Dick. I daresay he would have played in a forward pocket.
OldManEmu said | October 10th 2008 @ 9:57pm | Report comment
Yordanka Donkova, Bulgarian female hurdler
OldManEmu said | October 10th 2008 @ 9:58pm | Report comment
Yordanka DOnkova, Bulgarian Hurdler
jimbo said | October 10th 2008 @ 10:26pm | Report comment
Zhu Ting (pronounced shoo-ting) chinese football striker.
Margaret Court - tennis player
Dick Butkus - Chicago Bears linebacker
Norman Conquest - Australian goalkeeper
Dean Windass - Hull City footballer
Michael C said | October 10th 2008 @ 10:29pm | Report comment
actually Derek Kickett at Essendon that same time as Michael Long……….kickett long.
Cameron Ling (C.Ling = cling) - - a super effective tagger.
At least Tony Woods did play at Collingwood for a while, alas, Dane Swan doesn’t play for Sydney, Gary Lyon didn’t play for Brisbane or Fitzroy (but Ross Lyon did), and Paul Roos didn’t play for North Melb.
some names lend to certain happenings………such as an interchange of Brad Pearce for Carlton………Pearce off.
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a number of golfers named ‘Green’, and then there’s one named ‘Woods’.
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then the unfortunate names for commentators……..i.e. big West Coast Ruckman Dean Cox, when referring to Big Cox getting up (for the tap out)…..
ah, well, that was just juvenile.
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oh yeah, the alcohol image of footballers - - former Collingwood player from the ’80s called Mark Beers.
Jimmyjam said | November 3rd 2008 @ 12:29pm (3 weeks ago) | Report comment
I think you’ve all missed the greatest sporting nam of them all!!
The Great South Korean Pole vaulter…….. They say he always did well until the crowd started chanting his name!!!!!! And then it all started to go horribly wrong.
Kim Yoo Suk !!!!!!!!!
And yes the nam is true, Ive copied his wikpedia profile link!!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kim_Yoo-Suk
Andrew Jones said | November 3rd 2008 @ 8:31pm (3 weeks ago) | Report comment
Change your name to Jimmyjamgenius!
Steffy said | November 3rd 2008 @ 8:53pm (3 weeks ago) | Report comment
Didn’t Dick Trickle drive in a series sponsored by Hooters?
Ian Jessup said | November 3rd 2008 @ 9:04pm (3 weeks ago) | Report comment
Did anyone spot the German diver at Beijing called Katja Dieckow (pronounced cut-ya dick-off)?
Again, if in doubt, Google it.