Each week Andrew Jones will select a list of sports people united by some feature other than competence.
This week it is the correlation of their name with their talents. As always (well, since this column started last week) Jonesy welcomes your alternative line-ups.
My Top 5 Apt Sporting Names
1. Usain Bolt (c) – inspired this week’s list with his blistering world record in the 100m sprint. 9.72s makes him the quickest Jamaican since Michael Holding, and makes Merlene Ottey look like a mid-80s Kiwi medium pacer (naturally Ewen Chatfield springs to mind).
2. SCG MacGill (vc) – seizes the vice-captaincy this week by retiring unexpectedly. His 49 Test wickets at the SCG were a triumph of skill, perseverance and nominative determinism: while his father and grandfather played for WA, Australian selectors did not find much merit in their claims to be specialists at the “TMD” and “CWT”.
3. David Hookes – another cricketer with early claims to a self-fulfilling surname, his ambitions were revised after a bouncer from Andy Roberts, whose surname is apparently an Anglicised version of the old Antiguan handle IfyouhookmeIllbreakyourjaw.
4. Christian Cullen – named for the explosive All Black fullback, this 1998 NZ Horse of the Year showed blistering speed over a mile, collected 14 Group 1 and II races and is now the most expensive pacing stallion in the world. He also remains on Mr Ed-style speaking terms with John Mitchell.
5. George Best – he only polled 16th in 1999’s World Player of the Century, so should probably be called George XVI to make this list. On the other hand he did say “I spent a lot of money on booze, birds and fast cars … the rest I just squandered.”
If that’s not the best ever sporting quote, I don’t know what is.
In addition to being a sports nuffy, Andrew Jones is a co-founder of local business ratings website Customer Underground - check it out at customerunderground.com.
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Moneypenny said | June 6th 2008 @ 10:42am | Report comment
Dale Kickett in AFL’s a pretty good example, I’d have thought – query whether the name relates to his on-field kicking or the fact that he’s the only player to have played for five AFL clubs………
Spiro Zavos said | June 6th 2008 @ 12:56pm | Report comment
I reckon “Deans” is a good name for a coach. And if the Wallabies snatch a victory against the run of play, “Robbie,” would be a good first name.
Jerry said | June 6th 2008 @ 1:27pm | Report comment
Andrew Hore is aptly named for a hooker.
The Wounded Tiger said | June 6th 2008 @ 2:01pm | Report comment
Jarryd Roughead has one of the ugliest mugs outside of SA.
Jerry said | June 6th 2008 @ 2:10pm | Report comment
There was an American baseball player by the name of Rich Batchelor, but he got married so his name is no longer appropriate.
Kento said | June 6th 2008 @ 2:37pm | Report comment
I nominate Bob Cunis, a 20 Test bowler for New Zealand.
He was an honest seamer, neither fast nor slow. His bowling was like his surname… which was once famously described as “neither one thing nor the other”.
Mick of Newie said | June 6th 2008 @ 3:12pm | Report comment
Richard Champion always struck me as a bit full of oneself.
Moneypenny said | June 6th 2008 @ 3:48pm | Report comment
Kento, that comment was a great call.
Memo to self – do not read amusing blogs while sipping hot beverage, as can lead to nasty injury.
Spiro Zavos said | June 6th 2008 @ 4:24pm | Report comment
Is Salmond a good name for an AFL leaper?
And then ehre was Dr W.G.Grace, the great Victorian batsman. Opponents complained that they had to put up with Grace before and after lunch.
Ian Jessup said | June 6th 2008 @ 6:39pm | Report comment
Don’t forget serial pest Peter Hore – he’d do anything for cheap publicity.
Wayne Carey – behaviour was very wankery.
Laurie Daley – only played monthly.
Wendell Sailor – got busted with a prostitute.