By Andrew Jones
June 27th 2008 @ 2:15am
My Top 5 live sporting events that sucked
This column is usually a list of sportspeople united by some feature other than competence. This week it is a list of sporting events united by the real-time derision they attracted from yours truly.
1. Socceroos v China, Stadium Australia, 2008 (c): to say last Sunday’s 92 minute cavalcade of incompetence inspired this column is to take the word ‘inspired’ for a Long March off a short pier. Never in my memory has so much been done so badly in front of so many. Let’s hope the consolation victory helped the 1,321,851,888 people in China enjoy it more than I did.
2. Wallabies v South Africa, Stadium Australia, 2006: Matches won and lost in the last minute are typically riveting affairs, even if decided in the theoretically un-Australian fashion of a penalty goal. (Occasions on which kicking a penalty was not un-Australian include Eales v All Blacks 1998, Burke v All Blacks 2003, and Flatley v Poms 2003 RWC.) However, this steaming pile of rugby putrescence did not deserve a winner. Instead, God should have attempted a long-range penalty using the players’ butts as a ball.
3. England v Proteas, SCG, 1992: I was sitting in the stand for this World Cup semi-final at the famous moment when South Africa’s target was revised from a gettable 22 runs off 13 balls to an optimistic 22 runs off 1 ball. This inspired Duckworth and Lewis to create their outstanding alternative target calculation method, clarified the tricky distinction between ‘robbed’ and ‘dudded’ (the Proteas weren’t necessarily the former, but they were the latter) and started a tradition of memorable South African World Cup disasters. They soon became the All Blacks of cricket.
4. Brisbane v Roosters, Stadium Australia 2000: my friend Rick describes attending the theatre as ‘organised snoozing’. This grand final also fitted the description. It was as suspense-free as a clash between the Leichhardt Rovers U-10s and the Westfields Sports High First XIII. Even the Broncos wingers appeared 50% larger than the Roosters forwards. (Admittedly the wingers were Sailor and Tuqiri.)
5. Brighton and Hove Albion v Notts County, Goldstone Ground, 1991: Everything that is depressing about England and soccer coalesced in this lukewarm hotpot of Gap Year mediocrity - dark, cold winter afternoons, old uncomfortable stadiums, John Major-era pessimism and skill-free, goal-free long-ball tosh. The 90th minute winning header was scant consolation. This was the World Game at its (second) worst.
Free Email updates:
Our daily emails are only sent if there is content for the sport or that author. You can subscribe to multiple daily emails; or get the daily Roar email with all our content in it. We value privacy. More...
(6)
chris said | June 27th 2008 @ 2:12am | Report comment
Munster v Toulouse HEC Rugby Union final 2008.
I not go on but get ball,2 steps,flop over,2-3 man pile on support,get ball out repeat process for half an hour.
The Eurovision Song contest was more thrilling.
South Africa v England Rugby Union world cup final.2007
South Africa this time resorted to Englands tactics of just playing negative Rugby which for the large amount of non-Rugby fans who watched it on the big screens,pub’s and clubs and at home must of thought why bother and would of put alot of would be Rugby fans off from the game.
Mind you the real final was the battle for 3rd place between hosts France v Argentina.Now thats how a Rugby game should of been.
Onside said | June 27th 2008 @ 2:54pm | Report comment
Muhammed Ali v Antonio Inoki , June 26 1976, Tokyo Japan.
In a promotional sham- a- thon that would have made even Don King squirm, Ali the world champion boxer who
twelve months prior beat Joe Frazier in ,Thriller in Manilla , fought Antonio Inoki ,a Japanese wrestling champion .
It was neither disclosed to local punters who watched the bout live, nor to the millions of viewers who made up
a worldwide TV audience, that a couple of days before the match, several critical rules were changed.
Among them, a rule stating Inoki could only kick Ali when Inoki had one knee on the ground.
The match lasted a full fifteen rounds.Ali threw fewer punches than rounds in the match, and Inoki spent most of
the rounds laying on the canvas trying to kick Alis legs.
The match !!! was declared a draw. Ali pocketed over $6 million, and Inoki had to make do with a piddling $2 million.
.
Photon said | June 27th 2008 @ 4:05pm | Report comment
Chris,
Only a Shackledragger, or sour puss Kiwi would say that about the world cup final, talk about sour grapes.
You okes are such bad losers
Davo said | June 27th 2008 @ 5:50pm | Report comment
Most one day cricket matches between the 15th and 45th overs of each innings. Watching batsman eke out 3 singles an over through a mix of legside pushes and guides down to 3rd man interspersed with the occasional cheeky two when someone with an arm like Stuart McGill is fielding at deep mid wicket. It’s obsolence led to the creation of the 20-20 and a live one dayer is the only sport where a Mexican Wave is a certainty and a full strength beer an impossibility.
Frank O'Keeffe said | August 16th 2008 @ 10:04am | Report comment
“2. Wallabies v South Africa, Stadium Australia, 2006: Matches won and lost in the last minute are typically riveting affairs, even if decided in the theoretically un-Australian fashion of a penalty goal. (Occasions on which kicking a penalty was not un-Australian include Eales v All Blacks 1998, Burke v All Blacks 2003, and Flatley v Poms 2003 RWC.) However, this steaming pile of rugby putrescence did not deserve a winner. Instead, God should have attempted a long-range penalty using the players’ butts as a ball.”
Worst rugby match I have ever seen!
Hopovski said | August 25th 2008 @ 5:05pm | Report comment
Western Derby XVII this year. Not even the retirement of Shaun McManus created excitement. At least my team won…
Yesterday’s Eagles v Hawthorn game was pretty average too..