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I often get asked how hard it is to keep on writing about football, but, as Slippery Jim will tell you, it’s not hard when you stick to your pet themes: praising Nicky Carle, bucketing Graham Arnold and banging on about how technically advanced our Asian rivals are compared to us Aussie knuckledraggers.
(If I’ve forgotten anything, Jimbo will no doubt weigh in later.)
Another favourite subject is John Kosmina, because he’s just a gift that keeps on giving. A comedic gift. The funniest Australian I know of since Kevin Bloody Wilson. (Actually Kossie would be perfect for Kev’s next bawdy ditty.)
Kosmina wouldn’t know he’s being funny, of course, because he takes himself far too seriously when he’s losing. He likes to present himself as a lovable larrikin, but demonstrably only on his own terms: ie, when he’s in control of the situation, got nothing at stake or doesn’t have to explain himself.
When he’s not in control, stands to lose something and has a bit of explaining to do, he comes a cropper like he did last Friday night when his Sydney FC side lost at the death to Wellington Phoenix at the Sydney Football Stadium.
I’ve already written a blog about his contretemps with Phoenix coach Ricki Herbert at the whistle.
Fans of the game appalled by his antics (there are many) will be unsurprised, then, to hear the news that came out last Tuesday afternoon. Sydney FC’s and Wellington Phoenix’s respective chief executives, Stefan Kamasz and Tony Pignata, had, in the words of Kamasz, decided “they are not pursuing it any further… there was nothing more than an exchange of words. The matter is now closed.”
Hooray for self-policing! Thank god it’s all over!
Meanwhile, Football Federation Australia, which curiously decided not to investigate any part of the explosive incident between Herbert and Kosmina, has thrown the book at Gary van Egmond for his bust-up with Adrian Trinidad in Perth, citing him for “a breach of clause 2.1 of the National Code of Conduct”.
“FFA alleges that the actions of the Coach constitute examples of bringing the game into Disrepute as outlined in clauses 2.2(c), 2.2(f) and 2.2(k) in the National Code of Conduct.”
Hooray for the FFA! Consistency is their watchword!
Kosmina might have escaped penalty this time, from both club and federation, but he should be brought to account by somebody (hell, might as well be me) for his outrageous cuckolding of a hapless reporter at the post-match press conference.
If you haven’t seen video of the incident, we’ve embedded it below.
After spraying his sometime Fox colleague Simon Hill on TV (a bizarre bit of footage, and well handled by Simon; what the flip is a “scandal word” anyway?), Kosmina, looking like he’d just stepped out of a Cronulla hotel at 2am, hair messed up, tie akimbo, took to the stage in a fighting mood.
“Herbie and I used to fight with each other when we played against each other. Nothing’s changed,” he sneered wide-eyed at a journo who’d had the temerity to press him about the Herbert incident and what was said between the two.
(Which is an issue in itself; earth to Kossie, something has changed, mate: you’re the coach of Sydney FC. Entrusted with a position of great responsibility. Yet you come off like a pork chop. Herbert, meanwhile, is a consistently a study of cool and composure.)
Then another scribe made the mistake of interrupting Kosmina while he was midflow in answering a question. Perhaps not totally professional, but hardly something not repeated in any press conference anywhere in the world.
Kosmina looked at him like he’d shat on his lawn.
“Now I’ve interrupted my train of thought so you can miss out. Who’s next?” he said, trailing off with breathtaking arrogance.
But the funniest bit came at the end when Kosmina eyeballed a reporter from the website Back of the Net.
Kosmina feigned complete ignorance then had it explained to him it was a website that could be found on Google.
“Ah, internet,” he said, rolling his eyeballs and letting a Dr Evil-like grin crease his lips like he’d just come up with the joke to end all jokes. “Lets the lunatics out the asylum. The lunatics run the asylum.”
Does this man have any idea about the way the modern media works? Or does he still think people wait with bated breath at the corner tuck shop for the latest Michael Cockerill column in the Fairfax press?
The best and most up-to-date football journalism, whether traditional outlets, blogs, podcasts or even in forums, is found on the internet, here and abroad. I don’t know one football fan who doesn’t get his or her football information from the internet.
But, more importantly, as Craig Foster said on SBS’s The World Game TV program afterwards: “We’ve been wanting the media to be involved in the game for years and years… it’s not acceptable what [Kosmina’s] doing [in this press conference]… when the pressure is ramped up on these coaches, it’s not acceptable then to start attacking the media; that’s their job.
“They’re an important part of the game; in fact they’re a highly valuable part of the game. The internet, and the amount of coverage this game gets, is something we’ve been asking for for 30 years… the FFA has to sanction Kossie [for this].”
Exactly. If it weren’t for the internet, for example, I don’t think we’d ever have had a Crawford Report, we wouldn’t have Frank Lowy running the FFA, we wouldn’t even have an FFA, there wouldn’t be half as much corporate interest in the sport or sponsorship revenue, and there wouldn’t be an A-League for Kosmina to get a job in. Or a Fox contract so that he could get his face and spill his mouth on pay television.
(I know this first-hand because I was deeply involved in the fight to bring some transparency to the game in the Tony Labbozzetta years, and much of that fight was waged undercover on the internet.)
So don’t bite the hand that feeds you, Kossie. It’s not becoming of an A-League coach.
But if you want to be a comedian, it’s never too late to switch careers. I think you’d have a bright future.
Are you the ultimate team manager? Pick your own superstar team and go head to head with other football fans for glory and cash prizes on Draftstars. Imagine what you could be buying instead. Set a deposit limit.