My Christmas sports wish list

 

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By Brett McKay, 15 Dec 2008 Brett McKay is a Roar Expert

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 All Blacks, Andrew Symonds, Australian Rugby Championship, Australian sport, Cricket, Golf, Lleyton Hewitt, NRL, robbie deans, rugby, Rugby League, Rugby Union, Super Rugby, wallabies, Waratahs

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I seem to recall in my youth that at this time of year I would make a list and send it off to a reader or readers who may or may not be fictitious. Evidently nothing’s changed over time, and so here is my sports wish list for Christmas 2008 for all my readers, fictitious or otherwise.

Like my lists in the past to Santa, I know that not all my wishes will come true, and that in some cases, I’m almost certainly pushing the proverbial uphill. But you’ll never get anything if you don’t ask, and also, it costs nothing to dream.

First and foremost, the most important and most immediate thing I can wish for is for my plasma TV to be fixed in time for the first Test against South Africa starting in Perth this Wednesday, and for the bill to be minimal. A terminal prognosis would not be cool.

2008 has been yet another great year for Australian sport, with the usual triumphs and tragedies unfolding. None of that needs to change for 2009, although I would like my teams to feature in more of the former and less of the latter.

On the cricket field, I would like the focus to be on on-field performances rather than political messes and umpiring controversies. I’d like no more native-tongue references to primates. I’d like England to be on their game come the first Ashes Test. I’d like the BCCI to stay silent for one whole month. I’d like the ICC to act independently, and not fall victim to voting blocs.

I’d like Matthew Hayden to either finish in career-best form, or shock everyone and retire before time. I’d like Andrew Symonds to find his mojo, Mitchell Johnson to find his swing, and the selectors to find a spinner they’re happy to stick with. I’d like Tony Greig to kindly remove himself from all television commentary boxes, and Kerry O’Keeffe to not laugh at his own jokes prior to delivering the punch line (Hhhmmmmmm mmmmm mmm).

Above all else, I’d like the Australian team to be challenged, but to still emerge on top. And with reputations in tact please.

Personally, I’d like my seemingly invincible net form to carry out into the middle, and for opposition captains to stop putting mid-off right where my off-drives go. I’d love that elusive maiden century to be no longer elusive.

The world of rugby could do itself, and me, a massive favour by just agreeing to use the set of new laws that were so good to watch in last year’s Super 14. Globally.

I’d like the English and French clubs to get back in their boxes, and not pinch our players until we’re finished with them. I’d like the Northern Hemisphere nations to send full strength teams our way in June, just as we send their way in November.

I’d like the All Blacks’ ability to choke in big games not to limit itself to World Cups. I’d like the Wallabies to get back to No.1 in the world, and when it happens, I’d like Robbie Deans to be offered the keys to the Royal Australian Mint in return for signing a lifetime contract.

I’d like the Super 14 to be shown on free-to-air telly, and not at a time usually reserved for Tim Shaw and the Ab Master 5000. I’d like all four Australian sides to finish in the top six, secure two home semis, and for NSW to choke in another final. It’s nothing personal Waratahs, I just enjoy it.

I’d like the people in the row behind my seats to not knee me in the head as they go out for yet another bucket of chips.

I’d really like the ARU, and particularly the ARU accountants, to admit that the Australian Rugby Championship was a good idea, and resurrect it in time for 2009. And I’d like the three or four Sydney club rugby presidents who were anti-ARC to be supportive and enthusiastic about the new comp, and be proud to supply the next generation of professional rugby players.

I’d like AFL players to ease up a bit. This four-quarter sprint we’re currently seeing is surely going to end in tears. Or heart attack.

I’d like the AFL to take Tasmania’s expansion bid seriously, because it makes more sense than western Sydney.

I’d like the NRL game to open up, and stop being so robotic and boring. I really hope the two refs system works well and provides for a game that won’t have me switching channels.

I’d like NSW to show up come Origin time, and hope that New Zealand’s World Cup success wasn’t a one-off on the international stage. I’d like Ben Ikin to speak glowingly about a team not from Queensland for a change, and for the papers to write good old fashioned match reports again.

I’d like an Australian to win a golf major. And then to happily come back and play in Australia. I’d like to hit my pitching wedge longer. I’d like my putts to drop.

I’d like Lleyton Hewitt to be on the back page of the paper more than he’s on the front page of New Idea.

I’d like a Holden to win at Bathurst again.

I’d like the Footy Show to be about footy.

I’d like Roarers to accept that their footy code is different to others, and that there’s room for all of them.

I’d like Fox Sports to come up with a package that wives find impossible to refuse.

And there it is. My list. I don’t think I’m asking too much.

A little self-indulgent, sure, and I’m sure I’ve asked for things that people don’t agree with (particularly Waratahs supporters), but that’s why it’s called my list. The beauty of sport is that some of these wishes will come true, while others won’t ever look like coming through. Triumphs and tragedies.

Please let the plasma be a triumph…

Follow Brett McKay on Twitter: @BMcSport