Spare me from this January madness
Roar Guru By Steve Kaless, 15 Jan 2009 Steve Kaless is a Roar Guru
- Tagged:
- Gold Coast, Jason Culina, Newcastle, newcastle united, Ricky Stuart, Rugby League
So the pre-season is now in full swing. Players are hitting the sand dunes, the beep tests, and the protein shakes, as the 2009 NRL season inches ever nearer, like those zombies in the movies.
And for those of us watching it through the eyes of the press, it is already starting to take a familiar path, just like those zombies in the movies.
The New Year brings optimism for most of us. We range from either celebrating we got through another one or might be genuinely hopeful of a great new year.
Footballers the world over always share this optimism at the start of their new season.
Everyone is always raring to go, the winners are looking to defend their title, the losers are looking for redemption, the injury prone crocks are looking for some time on the paddock, and the serial offenders have conveniently wiped their slate clean and are looking for a fresh start.
In a word: boring!
There is something so predictably tedious about this time of year for the rugby league fan and possibly fans of the other footballing codes that I, and many others, are pushed to the brink of insanity more often than at any other time of the year.
It is just the cocktail of the banality of pre-season predictions from the players themselves, the tedium of not actually having any matches to watch, and the fact that nearly as many words are produced when absolutely nothing is happening, that drives us all mad.
Players are flogged to within an inch of their lives by masochistic trainers, only to be dragged before the waiting media to pronounce ‘We’ve got a real shot this year’, before rambling on about this being the best the side has looked, this being the toughest preseason of their careers. And so on.
Rugby league is about 101 years old, and judging by the last cliché, this pre-season is 101 times harder than the first pre-season (which was incredibly long seeing it lasted for all of the time before the first match).
If things get harder, at the current rate, players are going to need to be tunnelling to the centre of the earth and sculling a pint of molten lava within 20 years (the fattest one doing it in a pink t-shirt).
Some are keener than others.
There seems to have been 500 words dedicated to every passing thought going through Reni Maitua’s mind lately.
And, shock horror, the winner of last year’s award for most expensive sleep-in is looking forward to playing for the Sharks under Ricky Stuart. Headline: ‘Player backs coach that’ll pick him and club that pays him’.
One for the ages.
Just once I’d like a player to say “we are going to get f*cking flogged this year, we were a shambles last year, and it is only going to get worse this year.”
Some honesty would be incredibly refreshing.
And it is not just league.
Jason Culina was at it this week with his “I’m here to win” declaration. Well, hold the front page! Footballer declares he enjoys victory.
It would have been far more entertaining had he said, “This Palmer bloke has more dollars than sense and if he wants to throw some my way to get out of the European winter and bring the kids home, then I’m all for it. Results? Who cares. I’m a 15 minute drive from the Gold Coast casino.”
But my favourite of recent season was when new Newcastle United manager Joe Kinnear declared he had plenty of “telegrams of support” after getting a hammering in the press.
Telegrams? Who the hell sends telegrams these days and who offers the service?!
Not only would it be strange to find one person does it, old Joe seems to have found a whole group of people that still do it, obviously commenting that it is so much faster than the days when runners would be dispatched.
Kinnear was either clearly lying, knows people who own a time machine, or has gone mad.
If it is the latter, I’m not far from joining him this off-season.
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- Explore:
- Gold Coast, Jason Culina, Newcastle, newcastle united, Ricky Stuart, Rugby League
January 19th 2009 @ 6:50pm
Steve Kaless said | January 19th 2009 @ 6:50pm | Report comment
James,
I couldn’t agree more, “training the house down” is code for “this bloke was a slob and a piss head and chances are his waistline will actually increase during the season.”
I don’t want to sound like I’m reviewing som chick-lit but I literally had a “laugh out loud moment” regarding your missing persons comment and Trent Barrett. Surely Baz, is a prime candidate for the big pre-season interview where he claims to be the 167th player ready to lead the Sharks to their maiden victory. I can’t believe Reni Maitua didn’t already claim it.
Old Man Emu,
You also forgot the later months of the season when Mason repeatedly tells the press not to write him and the side off as he is ready for a big performance before once again surrendering meekly. This year would make it five straight.
January 23rd 2009 @ 1:22pm
Frosty said | January 23rd 2009 @ 1:22pm | Report comment
Stevo, you’re getting cynical in your old age mate…OK so the articles are all the same, and the usual cliches are being cast about with alacrity, but for your average punter gearing up for another season following the team they love, playing the game they love, it is all about hope – any little snippet will do. So my team hasnt won anything for 30 years and I’m staring down the barrell once again. So-and-so has put on 5 kilos in the gym and they’re going to be pushing for a first-grade berth this year? Awesome. We’ve found this 16 year old kid who is going to be the next Mal Meninga? I like it. We’ve been hitting the sand dunes harder than ever before this year? Mate, we’ll be more than ready come round 1. Its what makes website forums and chat rooms buzz, fans get excited for the potential their team might have this year, the glimmer of hope on the horizon. So blow that whistle ref….blow that whistle.
January 25th 2009 @ 1:11pm
The Link said | January 25th 2009 @ 1:11pm | Report comment
Steve and Old Man Emu,
On cue Mason has spoken out and is ahead of schedule!! Already its January we have the SOO declaration. At this rate the brawl at Northies and wanting to make the All Blacks will happen before a ball is kicked in anger in March.