Perhaps we should all just give up the booze!

Roar Guru

By Steve Kaless, 19 Mar 2009 Steve Kaless is a Roar Guru

Tagged:: NRL, Rugby League

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After it had already been proven that some of rugby league’s stars needed to be treated like babies, did Brett Seymour really have to prove that they also need to wear nappies?

In week when all league fans should be raving about the fact that both games on Friday night where thrillers and decided by a point, that there looked to be some genuine stars unearthed in Jamal Idris, Jharal Yow Yeh and Antonio Winterstein, and that the two referees experiment, after all one week, might just pay off, we are once again talking about booze.

It’s enough to drive you to the drink.

Jake Friend and Buster Seymour have ensured that the game will have the naysayers filing the obituary columns and they are likely to be included in Peter Fitzsimmons next column (always one for the scrapbook).

Now, we have had plenty of theories thrown around about how to end the problem, end alcohol sponsorship, and bring back public floggings, but none of it seems to go far enough.

I have compiled a program which will ensure rugby league stays off the grog;

1. Ban the phrase “champagne rugby league” from the commentary box. Apart from the fact that this is meant to be the working man’s game, this phrase is no doubt leading the code down a wicked path.

Many a worker has stopped at the pub for a few orange juices only to watch some “champagne rugby league” and be forced to indulge in a twelve hour bender.

Using the phrase “the defence looks to have bundied off” should also be punishable by death.

2. All media organisations should immediately become alcohol free.

By practicing what they preach, the media will ensure that players have the healthy role models. The transformation should occur faster than you can say “leading News Ltd journalists with drink driving convictions.”

We can also do away with the constant in-jokes of the nudge nudge wink wink variety about the mass volumes of cocaine consumed at industry award nights.

3. Bars should only be open during match times. This limited opening schedule will ensure it is impossible for any rugby league player to get to a bar. Any pub within 20km of the Roosters and Sharks should also be closed. This may impact on the rest of the public, but it seems most of them are far too busy worrying about the players’ welfare.

4. Jake Friend is a military grade peanut for drink driving. Some say he should be sacked for this offence. In many ways, I agree. But let’s not let others get away with it. We need a new law: “anyone caught drink driving loses their job … News Ltd columnists who preach about player behaviour included.”

5. Nominate David Gallop for a sainthood (not the one currently being organised for Wayne Bennett). Honestly, who would want his job? It might sound easy and he probably doesn’t need to queue at Ticketek for the best seats, but that must be small beer (no pun intended) compared to constantly having to put up with these nightmares.

Also when the topic of the day is Benji Marshall moving to rugby union, everyone is saying the NRL should have no place in the agreement between player and club. However, in terms of player misbehaviour, if the agreement between player and club is deemed in the court of public opinion to be unpalatable, he must step in.

You work it out.

I even felt sorry for Brad Fittler when he was asked whether his alcohol policy in which players can only drink once a week was encouraging binge drinking.

Poor Brad.

When he was first in the game and winning matches, this idea was hailed as an end to the booze culture. Now suddenly it was better for them to drink every day.

See what happens when you lose to Souths!

These points should quickly bring rugby league into step with the rest of Australian society. A society in which one in eight people drink at dangerous levels, a society in which, on average, ten Australian die every day due to alcohol consumption. A society in which 230,000 children have a parent or carer who drinks excessively. A society in which Aboriginal Australians are twice as likely to die from the effects of drinking as their non-Aboriginal counterparts.

A recent report showed that alcohol misuse claims the life of an Aborigine every 38 hours.

In the end it will all lead to more wasted time talking about banning rugby league players from drinking. I contend that no country in the world spends more time talking about banning things than Australia.

But if we are serious about ending drinking in rugby league, why doesn’t everyone just give up booze.

If the alcohol industry is powered by NRL players alone, it can’t survive for more than five years. Then it will be gone and so will half the sports section.

I’m on the wagon, after all it never did Hazem El Masri any harm.

All time rugby league leading point scorer. Legend.

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The Crowd Says (32) | Page 1 of Comments

Brett McKay said | March 19th 2009 @ 7:39am | Report comment

” The transformation should occur faster than you can say “leading News Ltd journalists with drink driving convictions.” ”

I like it Steve, I like it….

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Kento said | March 19th 2009 @ 7:48am | Report comment

Quality article Steve. You make some good points (humourously).

I think there is slightly different rules for celebs in the limelight compared with your average joe punter. These guys are paid accordingly and it’s understood different rules apply to them.

The other missing element here is why a professional athlete would want to do this to their body (which is the basis of their livelihood). You don’t hear these kind of stories in other sports as much as their athletes wouldn’t be drinking to these excesses.

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The Link said | March 19th 2009 @ 8:32am | Report comment

Good piece Steve, the moral high ground taken at News Limited could not be more ironic.

Lets go further and ensure that any reference to sauce, tiles, turps, soup and amber is removed from the game entirely.

Ian Schubert is wasted looking at the salary cap, I want him to pour through the script of every RL team song in the land scouring for references to drinking.

And if any player is seen tucking into veal masarla while finishing it off with a brandy custard, throw the book at him

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Worlds Biggest said | March 19th 2009 @ 9:24am | Report comment

Nice work Steve, I heard Tunksy last night on Talking Sport in referrence to Seymour and his antics. In true bookend fashion he commented ” Seymour should be suspended for wasting good pizza “. I appreicated the humour in this whole drone of player issues.

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Jets said | March 19th 2009 @ 9:41am | Report comment

If News Ltd has such an issue with players drinking they should stop paying for the broadcast rights so that the players aren’t paid so much, and they have to have real jobs to pay their bar tabs, like in the good old days when this never happened.

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Spiro Zavos said | March 19th 2009 @ 10:08am | Report comment

I appreciate that Steve was making his points with humour, although the reference to journalists taking the pledge was close to the bone and well-made. At the rugby, the strongest drink the journos are served is coffee, if we are lucky – it often doesn’t arrive. There used to be slabs of beer delivered. Fortunately this has been stopped. I presume this applies at rugby league games as well.
There is a strong case, too, for journalists to behave in the same sort of way as the players they often criticise. I’d have no problem with a ban on drinking being placed on journalists and having them stood down if their inebriated or drug-related behaviour brings the news organisation into disrepute.
Bras Fitler hasn’t come out of this latest affair with much credit. Jacqui Magnay’s report of the press conference he called said that he arrived 45 minutes late. that he was abrupt to the point of rudeness and the gave the impression that essentially this was a matter of much ado about nothing.
When Fitler was made captain of the Kangaroos he told journalists he was ‘going to get pissed.’ Which he did.
You have the feeling that he and many other leaders in the code just don’t get it that binge drinking is unacceptable behaviour for anyone in rugby league, or journalism or anywhere else for that matter.

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Worlds Biggest said | March 19th 2009 @ 12:32pm | Report comment

Spiro, I hope your colleague Lord Growden is looked after in the Press Box otherwise we will read about it in Ruck n Maul.
As for Freddie’s press conference, obviously the Rabbitohs flogging had to got to him as I don’t think he handled it well either. He sounded dismissive of Friend’s actions and got snappy with a journo at one point. What happened to laid back Freddie ?

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The man said | March 19th 2009 @ 12:49pm | Report comment

Now just because Freedie doesn’t decide to dance to the media tune he is going to be forced to walk the plank. Fair dinkum. It is unfortunately a case of damned if you do or damned if you don’t.

I thought we wanted people to speak there mind in the game, not just repeat the party line. (ie there are no more characters in RL anymore). The fact their view might be out of step with the overly PC society is a good thing.

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oikee said | March 19th 2009 @ 4:01pm | Report comment

Mates looking after mates culture is the main cause, yes we did this in the old days but hey, c’mon fellas its the 21 st century.
Time we started to take responsabilty for our own actions. You dont get any of these problems in Union, they must have better carpets. Cleaner.

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Campbell Watts said | March 19th 2009 @ 4:04pm | Report comment

It’s not that hard for the NRL to clamp down on this. All they need to do to get on the front foot is come out with a public statement saying “Next player who gets drunk and makes a tit of himself cops a ten week ban – no excuses”

Reckon that would sort it out pretty quick!

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