Supporting the Tigers takes heart

This is somewhat of a sequel to my ‘Day in the Life of a Tigers Fan‘ but really only relates to the 80 minutes of heaven and hell I endured last Friday night whilst watching my beloved Tigers take on the Roosters.

But first, a little background…..rewind approximately 24 hours (insert action theme music here)….

I have been wanting to buy a Heart Rate Monitor for some time now, mainly as a training aid, but upon completing my purchase, I had somewhat of a moment of clarity (well, as much a moment of clarity as a mind that has endured two months of constant ‘Toot Toot Chugga Chugga Big Red Car’ can have. I tell you, whoever bought my child that bloody Wiggles DVD has a lot to answer for, I have a good mind to force them to read my blog! Maybe that’s a little overkill, but seriously!) when I thought it might be a good tool to finally put my wife’s concerns about my level of excitement and distress (depending on the result) I endure whilst supporting the Tigers to the test, and measure my heart rate over the course of a game. Hey, it’s 9.30pm TV kickoff, I am off the drink, and have finished all my Sudoku puzzles, I had some free time!

So, armed with a remote, a nice cold glass of Pepsi Max (damn you alcohol exile!) and the aforementioned heart rate monitor, I settled in to watch the delayed telecast of the Mighty Tigers and the Poultry Foul. What occurred is neither informative, nor particularly interesting unless you are a die-hard Sports Fan, or especially if you have undertaken the hidden oath of self-harm that initiates one into the realms of Tigers supportership….in which case, you can no doubt relate.

Kick Off
I was surprisingly low key for this game, mainly due to the fact it was the second game, I had been up since 4.30am by a child wanting his morning dose of Toot Toot Chugga Chugga, hard a particularly stressful day at work and had no intention of getting my hopes up after last week, which shall forever be known as ‘The Townsville Trip of Unimaginable Hell’ (a little melodramatic, but until you walk in my shoes, you’re gonna have to take my word for it…and if you have walked in my shoes….you might want to don your haz-mat suit and acid dip your tootsies!). So I took a deep breath and buckled myself into my rather snug fitting straight jacket. Heart Rate:70BPM

7 Minutes In
I watched in horror as Mitchell Aubusson stripped the ball one on one from Tigers Fullback Tim Moltzen. Two plays later, Aubusson pops up again, this time planting the ball over the try line to open the scoring. I looked into my reflection in my bourbon glass, which was unfortunately full of Pepsi Max (seriously, who goes on an alcohol exile that finishes AFTER the football season starts? I know people that have endured Chinese water torture, thumb screws and forced intake of Oprah, and when I tell them that I am watching the Tigers whilst stone cold sober, they break down in sympathy for me….it’s ridiculous!). Anyways…Roosters 6-0. Heart Rate:145BPM.

10 Minutes In
Beau Ryan, for some reason, has become somewhat of a whipping boy for disgruntled Tigers fans. On the Tigers own site, upon release of the Team Selections for this game last week, the amount of Fan posts claiming Ryan was anything but a First Grade footballer made me lose count (ok, so there were more than 19…stupid gangrenous toe). I could only imagine those same fans were building an effigy of Ryan (complete with copy of the ‘God of League’ calendar that he features in (jealousy plays its part in these sorts of things….so I’m told) to burn at Half-Time, should the game not be called off in sympathy for the Tigers on account of the scoreline before then, as ‘He of the Hyphenated Name’ Kenny-Dowall out-leapt Ryan for a bomb before shovelling the ball to Aubusson for his second try in three minutes. What in the hell is going on here? The Roosters have turned into the Harlem Globe Trotters, and Mitch Aubusson has morphed into Ken Irvine. I had to run into the bedroom to see if my wife would be nice to me, as if she was, the world was surely about to end…but thankfully she told me to piss off and I went back to the game….and here’s where it gets interesting. Oh, by the by Heart Rate:159BPM…

12 Minutes In
What is the first thing you think when your mobile phone rings later in the night? Dread, right?(or any phone for that matter, unless its the Batphone, you’re always impressed when the Bat phone rings)…well, my phone rings, at 9.45pm on a Friday night. Now, anyone that knows me knows that I am A) a married man with a small child, meaning I would be in bed at this time…and B) a Tigers fan, so in the event that I would be awake, it would only be to watch the Tigers play,I wouldn’t want to be disturbed at this trying time, would I? Well, there it was, my ringing phone, and who should it be? My Mate, who I would consider as close to me as a brother….and what is he ringing for? To tell me the score of the game….Speaking of effigies, upon taking this phone call, I started constructing an effigy of my mate…which I promptly lit whilst Craig Fitzgibbon promptly kicked the goal for a Roosters 12-0 lead. Ah…drunken Mates, can’t live with em….end of statement. Heart Rate 184BPM…and, after hearing the score, plummeting.

16th Minute
Nice play by the Tigers sees Dean Collis dive over wide out, and cops a nice cheap shot from Willie Mason after grounding the ball. Seriously, if it was anyone but Willie Mason, the commentators would have made mention about how unnecessary that was, but not Willie….barely even a mention. Benji sets up the goal, and, considering I already know the score, he predictably misses. Roosters 12-4. Heart Rate=75BPM

28th Minute
Here’s where things get interesting. After an errant pass from a tired Roosters forward, Chris ‘Why Hasn’t Anyone Tested Me for Anabolic Steroids’ Lawrence scoops up the loose ball and races 30m to score under the posts. I sit there, idle…waiting for the referee to call the play back, after all…I already knew the end score, Roosters 20, Tigers 4…right? RIGHT? No! My (former)mate was having me on….(this is the price one pays for their rather innate ability to batter people with self proclaimed funniness….everyone wants a piece of the funny pie, and how sweet it is…for them!)…I jumped off the couch, pumped my fists, gave a rather impressive, very manly sounding ‘Ohhhhhh Yeeeeeeeeeeaaaahhhhh’…..and promptly dialled 1800-findanewmate. Heart Rate 186BPM. Roosters 12 Tigers 10.

36th Minute
The Roosters score again through ‘The Hyphen’ but I didn’t care, I was back, and emotionally attached to the game once more! Roosters 18-10. Heart Rate:86BPM

44th Minute
Benji is hit ‘late’ in kick pressure in another example of 2009’s ‘Worst Rule in the Book’ winner. I get that kickers shouldn’t have their heads taken off, or their knees blown out by the opposing team’s kick pressure, but there is a long way between that and giving away a penalty for contact that, in the words of the great Johnny Lewis ‘Wouldn’t knock a pea off a chop’. I’ll take the points, but an important game is going to be decided by one of these decisions, do you want your team on the receiving end…I, for one, most definitely do not. Roosters 18, Tigers 12.

51st Minute
As is often the case when any player, but specifically a Tiger, attempts to score out of dummy half, I had my AK-47 pointed at the screen looking in Robbie Farah’s direction…only thing was, he classily slipped out of the ruck area, and THEN dived over, through a pile of defenders to score…See, it’s what Robbie Farah does, and he probably would have been doing this for New South Wales for the past three years, if not for the Blue’s selectors ‘Dinasaurs Only’ selection policy. It’s all locked up….and my Heart Rate is a surprising 88BPM (I always knew Robbie would get it done, no need to get excited)….

54th Minute
The Tigers attack is as on song as I have seen in a long long while. Whilst on the attack, Payten takes the ball one off the ruck, slings a second man ball to Marshall and….(If I can pause for a moment, I want to take a survey. How many Tigers fans saw the play unfolding and thought any or all of the following. 1. Sa smashes Marshall 2. Marshall drops ball 3. Marshall gets injured 4. Marshall fails to catch ball in the first place? I sat there, and in a split second envisaged Setimata Sa obliterating Benji, who had his back to the guy, into another injury of some sorts…..this is the life of a Tigers fan, when your star player is hit in a tackle with any force, you grasp your Benji-inscribed rosary beads to breaking point in the hope he rises to his feet unharmed. I’m not making this up!….anyway, I’ll press play again)….throws a ridiculous, behind the back, no look, flick pass to Moltzen, who takes it one handed, slightly checking his run to catch it, before sending The Tankiaki over in the corner. My living room descended into a state of pandemonium, I threw a pillow (how macho), I jumped, I whooped and hollered and….checked my Heart Rate….199BPM! Tigers 22-18

56th Minute
In yet another illustration of the life of each and every Tigers fan, in the first set after his heroics, Benji scoots across field, looking for a hole, waiting, probing….searching….and….gets pushed into touch. Granted, he was hung out to dry by Taniela, who should have taken an inside line, but it still gave me half and aneurysm. Heart Rate 189BPM.

58th Minute
Braith Anasta scores…..only no one cares, not even Braith. All the talk is about Benji and his pass…Surprisingly, no one mentions his getting pushed into touch, gifting the Roosters possession, which they then scored from. Hey, call me a realist, but I’m not ready to make him an Immortal yet.

66th Minute
After Roosters winger Sonny Tuigamala did a nice Mr Magoo impression whilst attempting to catch a Benji launched torpedo bomb, Chris Lawrence shows quick thinking to take the ball on the bounce and send it to Tankiela, who bullocks his way over, taking two or three or twenty three chooks with him. Benji converts for a 28-24 Tigers lead. Heart Rate, a rather pedestrian 165BPM.

74th Minute
Another Benji-bomb leads to Lawrence out-leaping a hapless Tuigamala to volley the ball back to Moltzen to score in the corner. Now, I like Moltzen, I think he is going to be a hell of a player, and you know what else I like about him? He is a lair….he scored his first try in Townsville last year and immediately went in search of a camera to prance in front of. Friday night was a little more subtle, but I got the feeling if he wasn’t swamped by his team mates, he was giving us some Laurie Nichols shadow boxing, or a nice cha-cha rendition, perhaps something on the spoons…something entertaining at least. I’ll take the points though…Tigers 34-24. I think his lack of post-try celebration depressed me a little, I was down to 120BPM!

80th Minute
As Lawrence planted the ball over the line to end the scoring and complete a rather impressive Tigers 40-24 come back, I had several thoughts. Firstly, how will Benji accept his new nickname of ‘Mummy’ with all the wraps he will be getting in the paper tomorrow? How will we screw this up next week in a match we should win against the Panthers? How long have the Roosters been this old and tired looking? Where the bloody hell is Daine Laurie? Will Benji back this up next week, next month, next year, ever? And most importantly, why, when my heart reaches rather high levels (average 165BPM over 80mins) for extended periods, do I do this to myself every week?

I think any Tigers supporter worth their strips knows the answer to that one…..because we wouldn’t have it any other way….Go the Tigers!

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