By Andrew Jones
July 3rd 2009 @ 12:40am
Related coverage
The Next 5 things on John O’Neill’s To Do list
AAP Image/Tracey Nearmy - Managing Director and CEO of Australian Rugby John O'Neill
Like him or loathe him, as I presume Lote Tuqiri now does, it’s clear John O’Neill rules Australian rugby with a firm hand. (I was going to say “he casts a long shadow”, but that is true only very late in the day!)
I was even going to put O’Neill in my list of “Top 5 Administrative Strongmen”, along with Blatter, Ecclestone, Samaranch and Pound.
Instead, I thought I’d suggest a few other things he might do now he’s ripped up the contract of the Dark Shark (who, incidentally, and perhaps surprisingly to some, will depart as the Wallabies’ third-highest ever try-scorer).
1. Eye gouge Schalk Burger (c)
Roar captain Spiro Zavos has pointed out the ridiculous leniency of the eight-week penalty given to the Springbok No.8 for attempting to blind Luke Fitzgerald in the Lions Test last weekend. Perhaps O’Neill can dish out the justice the judiciary didn’t by sticking any or all of the seven digits from Lote’s shredded salary straight into Burger’s Aryan iris.
2. Break Richard Loe’s nose
O’Neill would be entitled to stab at this notorious former prop’s eyes as well – just ask Greg Cooper, his sometime All Black teammate (who eye-gouges a teammate?). But an ankle tap at a cocktail function followed by a falling elbow to the snout would somehow be more satisfying – call it the Paul Carozza Snozza.
3. Win the Bledisloe
Around 2001 I started feeling sorry for the All Blacks. They hadn’t won the Bledisloe, Les Frogs had knocked them out of the World Cup and we’d beaten everyone – Lions, Boks and Bleus included – to be the champions of the world. I realise now this was like feeling sorry for Queensland because they were struggling in State of Origin and ergo believing the concept is dead. (Yes, I made that mistake four years ago too.) I’m man enough to admit I was wrong – is The Great O’Neill man enough to bring back the cup? Of course, he’s done the most important part already. Not just hiring Robbie Deans, but spearing Alan Jones!
4. Steal the World Cup from New Zealand
Since he’ll be supporting Dingo and the lads in NZ anyway, why not steal the RWC hosting rights while he’s at it? (It would be nice if he could steal the actual World Cup, but I’m told it doesn’t reside there.) It was a neat trick stealing the tournament in 2003 – I wonder if a repeat is achievable?
5. Get Richie McCaw onside
Ok, I admit it. I’m asking the impossible!
What else would you put his To Do list?
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(32)
Taniwha said | July 3rd 2009 @ 4:48am | Report comment
RE: Richie,
Don’t hate the player, hate the game.
Timmypig said | July 3rd 2009 @ 7:04am | Report comment
How ’bout :
* Proper renditions of the anthem, without the peculiar introductory flourishes and the extra drawn out last bar, you go back to the song we learnt as little kids.
* Daytime tests
* Plain jersey, plain playing surface
* Players stay on the field at half time – if it’s good enough for 5th grade subbies, it’s good enough for the Wallabies
This one might be beyond JON, but how about teaming up with the NRL & FFA and having the Olympic Stadium at Homebush demolished and replaced by a purpose – build rugby / league / football rectangular stadium?
Oh yeah, and win the Bledisloe Cup.
Brett McKay said | July 3rd 2009 @ 8:52am | Report comment
Three obvious ones:
- how about finding the long-lost marketing budget and actually USING IT?!?! And then double it next year!!
- securing the 15th team, and use logic and commonsense, by putting it in Melbourne, and
- if Robbie Deans happens to secure the Bledisloe and/or the TNs this year, make him an offer he can’t refuse – for life – by sending all the Tuqiri money his way…
Andrew Jones said | July 3rd 2009 @ 9:19am | Report comment
Nice on Taniwha – of course, hissing the villain is half the fun!
Spencer said | July 3rd 2009 @ 11:26am | Report comment
Burger plays in 6 not 8. However I believe he should be wearing horizontal stripes for a while, with a multiple digit number..
Who Needs Melon said | July 3rd 2009 @ 1:22pm | Report comment
6. Shift the ARU headquarters to his mountain retreat and chair them while holding a persian cat and with a panel ominous looking red buttons in front of him.
7. Threaten the IRB that you will retrial the ELVs unless you are paid the sum of one trillon dollars.
8. Clone George Smith and have him play every position from 1 through 15. And all bench spots too. And coach.
9. Clone Richie McCaw and have him fight it out with the George Smith clones.
10. Bring peace to the middle east, solve world hunger, win the war on terror, turn water into wine, understand one of Peter deVilliers sentences… then it’ll be Sunday, time for a rest.
Working Class Rugger said | July 3rd 2009 @ 3:48pm | Report comment
Along with finding the ARU marketing budget and doubling it, pour more money into junior development for both existing and prospective players. And signing up Deans for life would be good too.
Working Class Rugger said | July 3rd 2009 @ 3:51pm | Report comment
WNM
‘understand one of Peter deVilliers sentences’ come on now your asking for the impossible. Not even PdV understands what he is saying.
Andrew Jones said | July 3rd 2009 @ 4:02pm | Report comment
Good pick-up Spencer – like Fitzgerald, must have been suffering blurred vision!
Super stuff Who Needs Melon – and with Burger out, maybe the answer is “the Boks”.
cheers
AJ
Temba said | July 3rd 2009 @ 4:17pm | Report comment
BWAHAHAHA Melon, thanks for that mate, its good to leave work on friday witha bit of a giggle.
Nird99 said | July 3rd 2009 @ 7:03pm | Report comment
Taniwha,
I am sure that most Australians would agree that we only hate Richie when he is opposing the Wallabies, stealing the ball, making cover tackles and generally ruining the Wallabies day (at least making every aspect very hard). Every other minute of every day we all admire what an awesone player he is and curse that he is a kiwi and not an Aussie.
Great player, great person for the game.
Ben J said | July 3rd 2009 @ 8:03pm | Report comment
Andrew Jones
1. Schalk Burger has been found not guilty of goughing, but guilty of reckless behaviour. Can someone unintentianally gouge?
LeftArmSpinner said | July 4th 2009 @ 9:58am | Report comment
Its Saturday morning. Its winter in Sydney, Coldish but sunny. It is long time before my first game of rugby for the day, the Sydney Grade game on the ABC. One of life’s pleasures. No Wallabies game this weekend to look forward this. Dont have foxtel so no Lions game. I’ll wait for the highlights on the web. Then, an article from my beloved Roar comes along that makes me giggle and build to a real laugh: Not win the RWC, but steal it from NZ. Never a truer word spoken.
But wait, theres more. Melon adds the Persian cat, world hunger and my fellow roarers pile in like the Wallaby pack going for a full blooded counterruck with more constructive additions to JON’s to do list. fantastic. But, why not clone JON while you are at it!!!!!!
ohtani's jacket, said | July 4th 2009 @ 10:05am | Report comment
How about answering the questions Roarers left for him?
Spencer said | July 4th 2009 @ 4:56pm | Report comment
Jerry & OJ – JON doesnt need twitter, he has The Roar. you just need to know which aliases he uses.
Even looser said | July 4th 2009 @ 5:38pm | Report comment
Watched the ABC with the mighty Highlanders taking on the Rats of Warringah at Chatswood oval.
It was so nice to sit back and watch club footy. Good fightback by Gordon after some shocking handling errors but the Rats were simply too good and deserved their win.
Sh#t a brick! How good is that Josh Holmes character. Is a halfback, winger or a centre? Robbie take note!
Working Class Rugger said | July 4th 2009 @ 7:03pm | Report comment
More like Chris Hickey take note. Holmes had a fanatastic game in Inside Centre and I’d imagine he’d be a very good at Outside centre too. He got the size and after today’s performance clearly the speed. Today’s game was the first I’ve seen since moving to WA 2 years ago. ABC HDTV has only just started working in my neck of the woods. And it was a cracker of a game. Why the hell aren’t the NSWRU heavily promoting the Shute Shield. For all the naysayers of Rugby watching this competition would change their minds. Great Rugby. If an ARC was to be attempted once again the bulk of the competition should be from the Shute Shield. Start by introducing a Perth and Melbourne side to the existing 12 sides and we’d have a good club comp directly under Super 14/15.
Jolly Jupes said | July 4th 2009 @ 8:00pm | Report comment
NSWRU are broke – The clubs too over their own marketing/promotion by appointing their own media manager at the start of the season so perhaps ask him about the promotion or lack of.
Holmes playing other positions has been discussed before – if he plays centre for the tahs who is going to play halfback? He has always been a terrific ball runner but poor in half back skills. The move to centre is interesting but he is a weak defender from what I have seen – he has the speed to play on the wing
Even looser said | July 4th 2009 @ 8:29pm | Report comment
That’s it chaps. Let’s talk about Rugby & not what a so & so this or that guy is or was.
As a long time supporter of LT I’ll be keeping my opinions to myself & waiting to see how things unfold.
Now let’s get back to discussing todays televised game (Rats versus Good Guys).
LeftArmSpinner said | July 4th 2009 @ 9:27pm | Report comment
it was a very good game. that prop whitaker, had a very good game as did McCabe, Sheehan, Thomson, and the whole rats backline. the winger H???-Petty also looked good. Pek Cowan had agood one. Gordon’s 12, one of the brothers, looked almost lifeless in the first half.
The gordon 8 was unstoppable!!! Dave Harvey is a very good player and underrated, skills wise.
bottomline, it was a very entertianing game.
westy said | July 4th 2009 @ 11:17pm | Report comment
Parramatta again put up a fight in first grade against Manly at granville Park losing 31 to 14. Second grade was an appalling 92 to nil loss . To tackle from a kickoff is a fairly basic skill requirement in fact to tackle at all would have been a bonus.As you are aware Parramatta does not have a first grade Colts side but the Two Blues “first Colts put up a good fight in second grade Colts competition to go down 36 to 27. There is some hope .
Penrith also have no first grade Colts and penrith First Colts lost 113 to nil against the Woodies at Tg Milner. This is a fairly hard feat to achieve but they did it. They turned up that was all.
All i can do is pay to go in at Granville and buy a few to many beers.
Not said in malice but I will go see NRL parramatta EEls play penrith tomorrow , I have to see some competitive game in the west. first grade was bearable the seconds a tragedy. The problem is some of the manly players thought they were good .
One thing I have learned about the Shute Shield a poor team can bring you down sometimes to their level and be careful about singing the praises of some good club players because they are from my experience over the last 3 weeks playing some woeful rugby players masquerading as first and second graders.
DaniE said | July 4th 2009 @ 11:21pm | Report comment
Nice to see some club rugby talk on The Roar finally. For the past few years it’s been as if it didn’t exist!
ThelmaWrites said | July 5th 2009 @ 12:27am | Report comment
I had the TV on ABC to watch the recap of last week’s club games, and Rugby Watch at half-time, never intending to watch Gordon v Warrangah. But the match was so fast, with the players running from one end to the other, back and forth, back and forth. Of course, there were a lot of kicking but they were for territory or to turn the defense. Warringah had a comfortable lead in the first half, but began to tire, so that at one point, I think Gordon was behind only by two points. Believe it or not, according to Brett Papworth, there were NO penalties! All the points were from tries and conversions! Wow!
I hope we continue to get clear weather on club rugby days. With the Super 14 guys back as well, club rugby is giving us a spectacle!
Working Class Rugger said | July 5th 2009 @ 12:58am | Report comment
It was a very entertaining match now if only the Pros could produce performances like that on a consistent basis. Honestly what happens between Clubland and the professional set ups with these guys skills and endeavour.
pothale said | July 5th 2009 @ 4:16am | Report comment
There’s another mad thing JO’N could do given his renowned negotiation skills. Forge an alliance between Australia and Ireland for the development and promotion of the game in both countries by tapping into the existing alliance that’s already there under the GAA/Footy brigrades. JO’N needs more bodies to expand his domestic leagues and ensure there’s enough talent for his 5th team.
In Ireland, there’s a growing trend of GAA players switching to rugby – and it’s happening with coaches as well. The ball handling and catching skills of GAA are well-admired and GAA coaches are already being used by English and South African teams for some specialist coaching.
Oz footy already entices players from Ireland to join the ranks of the Swans and other clubs. JO’Neill might find a good supply of amateur cattle to use if he can draw/persuade some of this Irish GAA flow into the Australian game. Given the players would be Irish they couln’t play for Australia (even if they wanted to), and should only be there to provide ballast and numbers rather than displace home-grown talent.
The scheme could also be used to counter the threat of footy to the game of rugby. Some of the Irish players might develop well sufficiently to boost the rapidly diminishing club game in Ireland in their later years of their career. They would be allowed (obliged?) to return to an Irish club once they hit the age of 26/27 maybe.
Just a mad thought. What do you think, JO’N?
Even looser said | July 5th 2009 @ 9:12am | Report comment
westy – Nice report. Trying to outdo the ‘Rugby Rap’ are we? I’ll be tuning in next week to see how their report compares to your’s.
Sounds as if you’re a True Blue of the two blues. It’s hard when they aren’t travelling well eh? But all we can do is support them & sip the beer. I had many leans years with Gordon but lately they are getting their act together more & more often. Yesterday they had it together for almost 20 minutes. Some fine individual efforts but just letting themselves down with impatience or what ever. Still can’t take it away from Warringah they deserved their win.
But jeeze it would have been nice for the Highlanders to sqqqqweek home. As the man said “close but no cigar”.
ohtani's jacket, said | July 5th 2009 @ 9:27am | Report comment
Spencer,
So is O’Neill OldManEmu or LeftArmSpinner?
ThelmaWrites said | July 5th 2009 @ 11:52am | Report comment
Uh, I posted the above well past midnight and was half asleep. That should read “Rugby Wrap-up at half-time” instead of “”Rugby Watch”. So-o-o-ry.
Tahriffc said | July 5th 2009 @ 8:25pm | Report comment
Shouldn’t JOn just tell us what happened – before we worry about him doing anything else
I’m not sure that developing a culture of coverups and fear is in the best interests of rugby
Alan B'Stard M P said | September 17th 2009 @ 3:50am | Report comment
regarding your remarks about Berger’s “aryan Iris”/ Are you making derogatory remarks against the English/Dutch & germanic peoples? It’s no worse to be Aryan than japanese, the latyter more racially homofenous
If berger was a jew would you say his jewish iris
Not a good remark. Lift yer game pal!
Nick said | December 31st 2009 @ 1:41pm | Report comment
Resign.
Amband said | December 31st 2009 @ 2:31pm | Report comment
Good point Nick. Resignation by O’Neill would do us all a favour