The differences between English and Australian cricketers are never so evident as when either side is winning. The victorious English cricketer trots around the park happily enough, but one can sense his mind thinking: is this it? Is this victory? Gosh, it’s all rather dull.
The victorious Australian cricketer is a different beast entirely. One can sense his mind thinking: I knew it. We bloody well are the best. Let’s trample these impudent bastards into the turf.
It’s a fascinating contrast, and it doesn‘t take many brain cells to conclude which will be the more successful approach in sport. But there is one regrettable aspect to the Australian mindset, and that is the bully boy mentality that comes with it.
An Australian team in the ascendancy is a shocking sight: pitiless, ruthless, almost barbaric in its feverish desire to slake the opposition in as humiliating a fashion as possible. Thus today we witnessed a pack of Baggy Greens descending upon Paul Collingwood like starving hyenas spotting the carcass of a giraffe in the African savannah.
The unspoken message: “You fancy yourself as a tough character, mate. Well, let’s see how tough you are now”. Brad Haddin’s vile abuse of the phlegmatic Stuart Broad, clearly over-heard on the stump microphone, presumably sprang from the same atavistic desire to dominate.
The irony, as those of you listening to the English commentary team might have detected, is that the English rather enjoy being bullied.
Perhaps it goes back to long dormant public school urges, but to be pushed around by a gum-chewing Antipodean in a tattered cap can be quite thrilling.
There was a palpable sense of disappointment in England when Cricket Australia banned its chaps from sledging. Indeed, the only thing more pleasurable to an Englishman than being treated sadistically is to enjoy a sense of moral superiority over others. Hence the noisy disapproval – most of it entirely confected – directed towards the Barmy Army for the terrible crime of booing Ricky Ponting.
It all makes the earlier chatter that England are great front-runners – instigated by Shane Watson and continued by the Aussie press – seem comically ill-informed. In truth, the English are terrible front-runners, as Duncan Fletcher has observed countless times.
Put an Englishman on a beach with six German Panzer divisions bearing down on him, and all is well in his world. Put him 1-0 up in a series with the opposition captain teetering on the precipice, and he’ll complain how frightfully rude it is to boo the poor chap.
The English cricket community this summer has been like an errant schoolboy who by some miracle has found the cane in his hands and the schoolmaster at his mercy. Horrified that the natural order of things has been over-turned, he promptly returns the cane to his tutor with a deferential bow, spins on his heel, and bends over.
Ricky Ponting will duly administer the punishment at The Oval and, like any true Australian cricketer, shall no feel no remorse whatsoever.
Recommend this story.
August 9th 2009 @ 7:53am
vinay verma said | August 9th 2009 @ 7:53am | Report comment
Milord…with due deference and studied humility I offer the foolowing for England’s abject surrender:
1. The moral imperative of a Crusade is sadly lacking. Furthermore,England’s cricketers have been granted an indulgence that formalises their hitherto extravagances.
2. It is ,additionally, tenuous to take the moral high ground when there are so many defrocked priests running amok.
3.The Pagan like celebrations you allude to grate as much as the messiac Hallelujah’s so favoured by England’s defacto Lionheart,aka Freddie.
When sportsmen learn to treat victory and defeat as serial impostors then we may have some sobriety in proceedings.
In closing the sunburnt country produces forthright snarling practitioners whereas the cold and fog produce irritating Corgis,fed on a diet of cucumber sandwiches.
Respectfully yours
August 9th 2009 @ 8:04am
vinay verma said | August 9th 2009 @ 8:04am | Report comment
Milord…With due deference and studied humility I offer the following for England’s abject surrender:
1. The lack of a moral imperative like a Crusade has rendered the English impotent and devoid of the reformative zeal so evident in Richard the Lionheart.
2. It is also difficult to take the moral high ground when there are so many defrocked priests running amok.
3. The pagan celebrations you allude to are no less grating than the messiac Hallelujah’s of Braveheart,aka Freddie.
The antipodean environment produces unappealing( ironical in light of the vocal intensity) but forthright characters. The cold and the Fog of Brittany sometimes gives us irritating Corgis fed on a diet of cucumber sandwiches.
And finally, only when sportsmen treat victory and defeat as serial impostors, we will have the Elysian state we all crave.
Respectfully,yours…
August 9th 2009 @ 8:06am
vinay verma said | August 9th 2009 @ 8:06am | Report comment
Apologies for the repitition but the first one did not register.
August 9th 2009 @ 8:08am
Rabbitz said | August 9th 2009 @ 8:08am | Report comment
I have but two comments:
1. In professional sports it is not “bullying” but the use of strong mental tactics to overwhelm a weaker opposition. If you put the other team off their game you are more likely to win. As an example 102/10 and 82/5 as possible examples…
2. “Put an Englishman on a beach with six German Panzer divisions bearing down on him, and all is well in his world.” I am not sure of “all is well”. I am thinking of Operation Dynamo – the euphamistically named Dunkerque Evacuation, May 26 – June 4, 1940. Essentially some 338,226 soldiers were rushed away from the battle by a flotilla of over 850 private vessels… Interestingly two French divisions were left behind and managed to halt the German advance, while the BEF scarpered.
So I am not sure that either of your allusions are accurate or appropriate.
Have a nice day
August 9th 2009 @ 8:21am
hazey.the.bear said | August 9th 2009 @ 8:21am | Report comment
Had to laugh at this bit – “Put an Englishman on a beach with six German Panzer divisions bearing down on him, and all is well in his world. Put him 1-0 up in a series with the opposition captain teetering on the precipice, and he’ll complain how frightfully rude it is to boo the poor chap.”
The first thought that registered in my mind was, “Good thing the French don’t play cricket…”
August 25th 2009 @ 12:37am
Marky Mark said | August 25th 2009 @ 12:37am | Report comment
Laughed at this as well. Remember Singapore…not even a Panzer division in site but just some well starved and low on ammunition Japanese and the English put their hands up (despite their commander-in-chief giving a direct order not to). Not only that but they forced all the others in the Commonwealth to do the same. Pretty spineless, really.
Get off your high horse, matey!
August 25th 2009 @ 12:56am
Viscount Crouchback said | August 25th 2009 @ 12:56am | Report comment
Well, the defence might have lasted longer if the Australian troops hadn’t deserted to go off looting and raping. The British called them “daffodils” – beautiful to look at, but yellow right through.
August 25th 2009 @ 1:05am
Marky Mark said | August 25th 2009 @ 1:05am | Report comment
Funny that one. My great uncle has a DSO presented to him by King George V for defending a position against “enemy artillery and numbers far greater than their own” and holding that position without falling back.
If name calling is the strength of your argument then what a disappointment!
August 25th 2009 @ 2:24am
Viscount Crouchback said | August 25th 2009 @ 2:24am | Report comment
Singapore is a controversial topic which has been debated by historians for decades. This is hardly the place to discuss it, but since you raised the issue, I thought I might respond. My reply to your post was designed to give you some pause for thought before you are tempted to throw around accusations of “spinelessness” in future. Doubtless your Grandfather fought well, but that wasn’t true of all the Australian troops in Singapore. The behaviour of many of them was said to be quite disgraceful. It was hardly the finest hour for Britain either.
That said, the splendid fortitude shown by both nations’ men in other theatres more than wipes the stain. It is quite wrong for us to argue about Singapore when so many of our respective countrymen paid a blood price there and elsewhere.
Certainly, the bravery and loyalty of Anzac troops in the wars of 1900-45 will never be forgotten.
August 25th 2009 @ 2:28am
Zolton said | August 25th 2009 @ 2:28am | Report comment
Guys, please! Keep the focus on sport and not history. interesting though it may be. Zolton [Ed]
August 9th 2009 @ 8:36am
hazey.the.bear said | August 9th 2009 @ 8:36am | Report comment
In all seriousness though, I believe the problem is not so much Australia, as it is England, and I think you’ve actually identified the problem (although you may not realise this)…
“Thus today we witnessed a pack of Baggy Greens descending upon Paul Collingwood like starving hyenas spotting the carcass of a giraffe in the African savannah.”
It’s not because the Aussies are hyenas, but more because England is the carcass…And whose fault is that?
August 9th 2009 @ 8:54am
Justin said | August 9th 2009 @ 8:54am | Report comment
What a wonderful piece, had me laughing from the opening.
Bravo!
August 9th 2009 @ 9:00am
vinay verma said | August 9th 2009 @ 9:00am | Report comment
Viscount…On reflection this piece could,well,be titled AN ODE TO SARDONICA!
August 9th 2009 @ 9:46am
Nick said | August 9th 2009 @ 9:46am | Report comment
I’d rather be a sledging bunch of hyena’s feeding off Paul Collingwood, than a pompus moron like Freddie when he manages to take his first five-for in his entire career (or acts like it). It was the most pathetic sight I’ve witnessed in sport since Brett Lee’s lawn mower celebration.
There is only one acceptable way for a fast bowler to celebrate a wicket…
Clenched fist (bowling arm preferred), pulling the elbow back to the body, followed by an intimidating glare at the pathetic englishman as he wanders back to the sheds, thus reminding him that he is lucky to only be out, and not headless…
August 9th 2009 @ 11:14am
MyGeneration said | August 9th 2009 @ 11:14am | Report comment
Bad enough Freddie showboating, but then James Anderson starts acting out like a Kobe Bryant. Watch too much yankee basketball, these lads… When you do it more than once every 10 test matches, maybe, Jimmy!
August 9th 2009 @ 10:12am
Viscount Crouchback said | August 9th 2009 @ 10:12am | Report comment
There’s nothing wrong with it per se, Hazey. It just looks ugly. I don’t think cricket is a game where packs of fielders should descend upon a batsman as if he were prey. Equally, I don’t think it appropriate for a wicketkeeper to rush up to the wicket and swear in the face of an opposition batsman, as Brad Haddin did to Stuart Broad.
The problem is that many in English cricket go out of their way to condone the Australian antics. Partly this is because they want to be seen as good blokes; partly it’s because they secretly enjoy it – see above; and partly it’s because they expect Australians to behave in this manner and would be confused if they didn’t.
But I’d be interested to know what Sutherland and the chaps at CA make of it all. Have we reached a stage where the Baggy Greens can only win if they act like berks? I hope not. The Waugh legacy has done enough damage to world cricket as it is.
August 10th 2009 @ 12:57pm
Lewie said | August 10th 2009 @ 12:57pm | Report comment
Haddin did not rush up to the wicket TO swear at Broad. He rushed up to the wicket to be over the stumps for the return of the ball from the outfield. He swore at Broad because Broad mysteriously found it necessary to run in to Haddin whilst contemplating whether to take a 2nd run. Haddin’s language may not have been appropriate for the squeamish amongst us (i.e. those who are so obviously prepared to ignore similar outbursts from English players as it does not suit their argument) but the incident was arguably instigated by Broad who it should be noted has carried on with pathetic faux rage and swagger throughout the series.
August 9th 2009 @ 12:29pm
davido said | August 9th 2009 @ 12:29pm | Report comment
Great article. But I really object to two things here:
1. The two standards. Please not again! Australia is held to some sort of weird moral standard when every other team can do whatever they like.
2. The use of pejorative language to denigrate Australians. When Strauss hits a ton it is a ‘marvelous’ innings. When an Australian bats well they are a ‘bully’. Why is this the case?
The Aussies have behaved impeccably. They have held their heads high when given many dubious and patently inconsistent decisions against them.
The english have sledged, bitched and whinged to the umpire. Personally I am amazed they haven’t been fined for more than just slow overs and not for excessive appealing and bitching. Point in case is Broad. Broad should have been fined by now. It he was an Aussie he would have been. And let’s not forget the Strauss DIRTY catch and the endless ‘substitutions’.
It is interesting how you can dismiss the booing of the crowd so easily. Over the series, the crowd has failed to clap when various milestones were achieved by Australia and constantly booed when a four was saved. Have you seen the barmy army videos on YouTube? I personally hate this lack of graciousness.
Finally, I also find your opinion that the Australians descended on Collingwood like a pack of hyenas a little overstated. If not a complete exaggeration.
Having had the opportunity to watch the original and the replay it seems to me they gathered after the wicket to celebrate like every wicket and like england does after every wicket. Most teams do this.
August 10th 2009 @ 11:10pm
Colin N said | August 10th 2009 @ 11:10pm | Report comment
Lets all hail the Australian cricket team, the most sporting team in the world of sport. If only the English could follow their example. After all, the English have only won the ‘spirit of cricket’ award twice. That’s just not good enough.