Cowboys v Broncos. Farmer Bowen’s Barn. Townsville Friday 7.35pm: I have serious reservations about the future of Cowboys fullback Matty Bowen.
Apparently he will be having revolutionary surgery where a piece of cartilage will be grown in a petrie dish before being inserted into his disintegrated knee. That much I can handle, but it’s the credentials of the Doctor involved that has me worried. This is the same Doctor that gained worldwide attention by artificially growing an ear on a live mouse in the laboratory. What most people don’t know is that the ear was then surgically attached to the side of Johnathon Thurston’s head, and the thing seemingly hasn’t stopped growing since! It’s not all bad, with Thursto’s supersonic ears and hearing, he should be the first to hear the siren go to simultaneously spell the end of this game, and the Cowboys’ season. Broncos by 30.
Eels v Panthers. Parramatta Stadium, Sydney Friday 7.35pm
South African athletics have received a welcome boost in the wake of the controversy surrounding non-gender-specific 800m runner, Caster Semenya. In news that will rock the NRL to it’s core, Parramatta superstar, Jarryd Hayne has announced that he will quit the sport, become a South African National, and run alongside Semenya in the London Olympics! South African Officials were perplexed when quizzed on just how they planned to explain having TWO Male runners on their Women’s Track & Field Squad, saying that although they could understand the doubt over Semenya, Hayne was quite clearly a woman, and has been playing like it for years now (the past 6 weeks excepted hehe). Panthers by 7.
Titans v Tigers Skilled Park, Gold Coast. Saturday 5.30pm
This game is being filmed to form the basis of the upcoming blockbuster, Transformers 3 ‘Fall of the Titans’. Watch closely for the special effects, especially when the Titans transform from top four contenders to whipping boys, but the real spectacle will be when the Tigers transform from injury ravaged hard luck story to Top 8 material! Tigers by 20.
Rabbitohs v Dragons ANZ Stadium, Sydney Saturday 7.30pm
Darius Boyd started the long road back to credibility this week after ‘THAT’ interview last week, and just as he thought he was off on the right foot, he has humiliated himself again. Bought into a local school to speak to kids and compete in their school spelling bee, Boyd stumbled at the first hurdle. When asked to spell the word ‘MORON’ he calmly spoke into the microphone D.A.R.I.U.S, which his chest puffed out proudly. I think the judges were a little harsh, clearly both words have the same meaning! I can’t bring myself to tip the Dragons with that bloke in the Team. Bunnies by 4.
Storm v Roosters. Olympic Park, Melbourne Saturday 7.30pm
Controversial Storm Star, Greg Inglis returns to the Melbourne line up for this one, and it is welcome relief to his Team Mates. After watching tape of their last few performances, the Storm players were so depressed they started to harm themselves. No Greg’s back, he has bought them all back into line, by punching them all in the face, one by one. Apparently that’s what you do when someone you know is harming themselves?!?! Who’d have thunk it? I think the Chooks might want to lock Inglis out of their dressing room after this one, because they will be inflicting some pain on themselves with another barely 1st Grade performance, Greg could go postal on them! Storm by 20.
Eagles v Sharks. Brookvale Oval, Manly Sunday 2.00pm
Not to be outdone by their southern rivals, Manly have named their own controversial superstar, Brett Stewart, in their line up for this one. No stone has been left unturned as Stewart prepares for his second comeback match of the season. The club has even gone to the unprecedented step of arranging their opponents for this match, the Sharks, to come to Eagles training so Stewart can do his running drills around them. Apparently the club normally uses witches hats, but these were considered far to much of a threat to tackle Stewart and Manly boffins didn’t want to risk the chance of injury. The Sharks’ players were bought in to replace the witches hats, as it is obvious that none of them will be able to tackle the Prince of Brookvale. Eagles by 18.
Bulldogs v Warriors ANZ Stadium, Sydney Sunday 3.00pm
By all reports, Brett Kimmorely produced a vintage display, reminiscent of his days with the Storm, in single handedly taking apart the Roosters last week. Look for a more standard Kimmorely performance this week, more reminiscent of his days with the Mariners, Eagles and Sharks. Warriors by 10.
Raiders v Knights. Canberra Stadium, Canberra Monday 7.00pm
I hereby declare Monday ‘Who Care’s About This Game Day’. Mark it by, like me, having no interest in the result whatsoever.
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