By Andrew Sutherland -
November 13th 2009 @ 2:39am
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The messy business of sports doping
I despised Andre Agassi when I first saw him with the long wispy hair and that gold earring; a desert rat with tacky jewellery. He came from Las Vegas. That explains it, I thought.
But now we realise he took crystal meth because of his overbearing ex-boxer father who “built a backyard prison just for him”.
“What a great dad!”, I can hear today’s kids yelling, “just like Xbox Prison Break but for real!”
It is apparent now that the professional era of sport has been awash with infusions, injections, boostings and enhancements. Sport is a livelihood and for some a source of greatness, so the urge to maintain or improve performance illegally must be a powerful one.
So with the current knowledge, it’s a little more difficult to be judgemental and perhaps it’s even time to right past injustices.
How is life now for poor Ben Johnson? Impoverished, disgraced, and Canadian.
Why?
We now know that Carl Lewis was on drugs, too. Johnson beat Lewis with that scintillating display in the 1988 Olympic final. It was a performance that should have led to the Olympic recall of the 60 metres – the real sprint.
Unfortunately, the sight of its runners at the indoor event slamming into a mattress on the wall hasn’t done it any favours.
Johnson had the explosive power of the true sprinter. Lewis had the wind up action of a two legged giraffe in white socks.
The French sports daily L’Equipe claims it has EPO samples from Lance Armstrong taken during the 1999 Tour de France.
It is highly likely that Armstrong was using EPO when it couldn’t be detected but then so was everyone else. The French don’t like Armstrong because he’s so un-European (and Texan). He dominated their race with the meticulousness and mind-numbing banality of a NASA mission.
He even looks like Buzz Aldrin.
It’s more likely that Armstrong’s survival from cancer (strengthening his resolve, changing his personality and body shape) was the reason a one-day Classics specialist was transformed into a Tour legend.
Now, while ‘recreational’ drugs like crystal meth and cocaine taken prior to a game can assist a player by enhancing concentration and reducing fatigue, long term use is actually performance inhibiting. It is only a matter of time before your career comes crashing down in shards of … crystal.
If a long term user of recreational drugs can win an elite event it is, in fact, a great achievement.
Perhaps, as with the Special Olympics, categories can be introduced to highlight this fact. The legacy of Andre Agassi would have been even greater if there had been an Olympic Mens Singles – Crystal Methamphetamine Affected.
It’s also hard not to be impressed, and sickened at the same time, by some of these drugs and doping methods.
Crystal meth. A great sounding name, if you ignore the meth (too like metho). So gorgeously twinkly, like something Willy Wonka would have dreamed up (what were they on in that boat tunnel?)
I’ve always loved the name of Crystal Palace for a team (Tottenham Hotspurs is a good one too) and imagine them prancing around inside a glistening gilded dome, instead of the concrete and wet brick dive of South London they actually play in.
The major practise in most sports appears to be the use of EPO, a hormone that can be used to increase red blood cell production.
Clever, and highly paid, doctors have continually altered the molecular structure of the hormone to avoid detection by the prevailing anti-doping tests.
As Dr No said: “The successful criminal brain is always superior. It has to be”.
The other known methods are testosterone injection (with his annoyingly whiny voice and constant whingeing you would think Cadel Evans has been injecting female hormones),and blood doping. The latter involves injecting your own,or someones elses, blood.
To do this you need to keep the blood satchels in the refrigerator and be wary of raids by doping officials and family members eg Mrs Vinokourov: “Alexander, those raspberry pops I found hanging in the fridge taste absolutely AWFUL!”
A legal form of blood treatment used on Daniel Mortimer’s injured hip involved withdrawing blood, infusing it with an increased concentration of platelets “rich in healing properties” (mmm!)and reinjecting it into the hip tendon.
That brings to mind unfortunate images of Manly players slurping on their calves’ blood smoothies: “Hey can I have some soy milk in this Des?”
So, for anyone presently struggling in suburban sporting competitions remember to embrace your ordinariness because apparently the only way to sporting greatness is to have one, or a combination, of the following: a) a terrible upbringing b) drugs or c) a terminal cancer prognosis.
P.S. If you can’t afford crystal meth is there are a glass version?
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(13)
Kento said | November 13th 2009 @ 9:03am | Report comment
Very enjoyable article. I was saddened to read about Agassi. There was also Hingis too. What a sad state of affairs.
Michael C said | November 13th 2009 @ 12:43pm | Report comment
what’s Agassi’s crystal meth personal illicit drug use got to do with Lewis and Johnson and performance enhancing drugs???
one is personal health and well being and the other is cheating.
MyGeneration said | November 13th 2009 @ 1:03pm | Report comment
Good point. Might as well through George Best in as well.
Andrew Sutherland said | November 13th 2009 @ 1:40pm | Report comment
Don’t take the piece too seriously.
It is about all drugs, recreational & performance enhancing, in sport. You’re right to distinguish between the two but the doping authorities dont. Wendell Sailor got two years for taking cocaine not epo. And it isn’t just because of the moral question, it’s known that athletes can take limited doses of cocaine prior to events to improve concentration and reduce fatigue.
Who knows if Agassi took crystal meth to give him an edge? And if he took it to escape his horrible childhood and hatred of tennis then it’s still relevant to sport.
In any case both types of drugs used long term destroy the athlete.
Michael C said | November 13th 2009 @ 7:58pm | Report comment
my main reason to distinguish is that we have a history in Australia of people confusing the WADA/ASADA testing for performance enhancing drugs with other testing for illicit drugs,
also between in and out of competition,
and between testing to stop cheats vs testing to ‘promote’ player wellbeing??
but – the general gist beyond that, yep, no worries.
…..and the joke line you finish with is neat.
Wylie said | November 13th 2009 @ 2:03pm | Report comment
Nice article Andrew. Carl Lewis – possibly the biggest hypocrite in sports history. I still hate that guy.
I’m now wondering how fast Usain Bolt could have run if he was a member of the infamous Santa Monica track team.
Andrew Sutherland said | November 13th 2009 @ 2:38pm | Report comment
Thanks Wylie. Bolt has got a similar action to Lewis. But he’s better to watch b/c it looks like he’s walking away from the rest. I hope we don’t find out soon that he’s on a new generation of epo.
Tom said | November 14th 2009 @ 8:09pm | Report comment
He wouldn’t be on EPO, which boosts endurance – not much use in a 100m.
davido said | November 14th 2009 @ 1:35am | Report comment
Fantastic article. I have been saying the same thing about Armstrong for years. FINALLY someone else who can see the truth amongst the whitewash.
Tom said | November 14th 2009 @ 8:11pm | Report comment
Le Monde was the same paper that reported Ian Thorpe was on drugs. I’m not saying either him or Armstrong aren’t, but it goes to show they have a history of making such claims on rather shaky evidence.
Freud of Football said | November 14th 2009 @ 1:45am | Report comment
Maradone anyone? He was banned from the 94 WC for doping. He’d been on a huge coke binge that had apparantly lasted months, rumour has it that the FIFA officials, needing a star player in the tournament gave Maradona the all clear to dope up so he could lose enough wait to be fit in time for the tournament, not only was he fit but totally rejuvenated, they had created a monster they couldn’t control and subsequently banned him.
Freud of Football said | November 14th 2009 @ 1:46am | Report comment
Maradona anyone? He was banned from the 94 WC for doping. He’d been on a huge coke binge that had apparantly lasted months, rumour has it that the FIFA officials, needing a star player in the tournament gave Maradona the all clear to dope up so he could lose enough wait to be fit in time for the tournament, not only was he fit but totally rejuvenated, they had created a monster they couldn’t control and subsequently banned him.
BigAl said | November 20th 2009 @ 2:05pm | Report comment
I’d take Maradona every time.