Four Nations brings One Eyed commentary

 
Andrew Sutherland Columnist

By Andrew Sutherland, 17 Nov 2009 Andrew Sutherland is a Roar Expert

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After watching the first Four Nations encounter between Australia and England in Wigan, I started to wonder if BBC stood for Bl@#dy Biased Commentary. Knowing that the final was to be telecast on Sky Sports, I was expecting it to get worse.

And I was right.

On Inglis’s first-half try we had a “There’s a BIG question mark on that. A BIG question mark on that!”

It was palpitating with loathing, dread, and wishful thinking.

Now these chaps sounded exactly like the ones calling the Wigan match. Perhaps they were the same, but with the accent, it’s hard to tell.

It was also difficult to tell how many were commentating.

There was definitely Sky’s main league commentator Eddie Hemmings, known for his biased commentary on Super League. There was also ex-players, Phil Clarke, and, I think, Mike ‘Stevo’ Stephenson, who apparently at times has to have the “sense knocked into him” by his fellow commentators.

What is it with this spectator commentary? What is it that makes them carry on with such unashamed barracking?

And any opportunities for humour were ignored: no comments on Inglis cutting himself in half on a Gillette hoarding and Hayne decapitating himself on a Valvoline one.

Throughout, England was referred to as “we” with plenty of: “Australia was VERY, VERY lucky to get away with that”, and a “did Slater knock on there?”, with a “was Thurston hanging on then?” thrown in.

During England’s strong showing up to the 56th minute there was much childlike rejoicing and patriotic fervour: “Look out Australia I’m coming. Sheer celebrations from England!”

But, of course, this annoying bias is a symptom of their AWE (not as bad though as the embarrassing awe middle aged Australian men have for Tiger Woods: “He signed my cap, I think I’m going to cry!”)

So when they established a lead, lost it, and then regained it the nervous excitement was tempered by an awful dread of what Australia’s backs could do to them: “They’ve got the POWER, they’ve got the SPEED!”

As soon as Slater scored in the 56th minute: “It’s not over yet we’re just two points down”. Of course, it wasn’t over yet. Unless deep down you believed you weren’t good enough.

And over the next 24 minutes that proved to be correct.

To their credit they’re not anti Australian, just pro and anti-England at the same time. You feel sorry for them and for a moment almost wish they would win, until you realise what nauseating patriotic celebrations that would bring on.

There sitting looking at us, after the live coverage, were the smirking faces of Peter Sterling and Phil Gould, the men who, with Ray Warren, should have been calling this match.

Perhaps in the future Sky Sports can just give us the visuals and we’ll supply our own professional (ie passionate, insightful and ultimately – even for Storm supporters- objective) commentary.

Referring to the English team, one of the Sky commentators said: “We’ve still got a long way to go. Sadly we thought we had made up”.

He could easily have been talking about himself.

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