Absurdity to prevail for Gabba Test match

In news that will come as a great relief to injured fast bowler Brett Lee, it has been revealed that the Australian cricket team selectors have reaffirmed their commitment to nonsensical team selection ahead of the release this Thursday of the squad for the first test against the West Indies.

Lee, now 33 and in the twilight of his career, initially feared the worst when he aggravated an old elbow injury during Sunday’s meaningless domestic one day match for the Blues.

“To be honest mate, I thought my international career was done for, but it’s great to know that I’m still a chance to play despite the fact that I probably won’t be able to bowl, or bat, or field,” said a clearly relieved Lee when asked about the selection policy today.

Many in the cricket community feel that the pressure is on the selectors to pull a rabbit out of their collective hats after a number of jarring conventional selections recently.

The decision to select Marcus North on the basis of weight of runs and consistent performance in particular was seen as dangerously rational and obvious.

However, chairman of selectors Andrew Hilditch, defended the selection panel’s recent history saying “well, you need to look at the Ashes as a whole.

Sure, we picked Marcus North but we also left out the best Test Match bowler in the world in Stuart Clark so I think it’s very unfair to suggest that we’ve been completely rational.

I could also point to our consistent policy of ignoring Nathan Bracken altogether for five day cricket. I mean really, any selection panel that was constrained by things like common sense or good judgment would have given him a chance a long time ago.”

At least one cricket broadcaster has signalled his approval of the continued use of improbable and indefensible selections.

Channel Nine commentator and noted cricket curmudgeon Ian Chappell indicated that he would like to see even more preposterously under-qualified players thrown into the international cricket fire.

When asked about the selection policy, Chappell noted “back when I was captain of the Australian team, I always liked to see a few really deserving players miss out altogether, especially if they were from Victoria.

“I think it’s great to see these spectacularly immature players like David Warner given a chance whilst a guy like Brad Hodge is stuck at home. That’s what I would have done back when I was captain.”

Whilst the final makeup of the squad for the Gabba test match remains a mystery, the lacklustre performance of young Phil Hughes in the Sheffield Shield game between the Blues and the Tasmanian Thylacines has given him the inside track, as selectors attempt to leave the public as confused as possible whilst picking players who are completely out of form.

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