Will the Wallabies run a Help Wanted ad?

Watch Craigslist and your local giveaway paper for an ad that might well be running soon. The headline will read something like: Wallabies Looking For A Few Good Men. And, boy, do they need them.

After the grand slam flopperoo, the team will be arriving back at Mascot with their heads tucked into their jackets like arrested Mafiosi. A win, a draw and two losses is not exactly glory.

Two losses?

Well, you don’t expect them to beat Wales, do you? The Wallabies are totally dispirited and carrying injuries, while Wales, after viewing the latest Wallaby ineptitude, are bouyed up and getting ready to take heads.

So much for this tour. The main prize, the Rugby World Cup, is looming. We are just one full and one truncated season away from it, so we need those few good men in a hurry.

We need some new management and a psychologist to figure out why such a group of individually talented guys play like a bunch of plumbers when they get together.

In short, why are the Wallabies unable to gel as a team?

Then, if they can solve that, the powers have to get busy and find some replacements for spots where we’re clearly hurting.

We have a good front row and a good back row which could become a great back row. We have a lousy line-out and need two new second rowers, good jumpers and scrummagers, so we can compete with all the teams that have better locks than we do.

Behind the scrum, we’re really hurting because we don’t have a quarterback. This will come as no great shock to anybody except Dingo but Matt Giteau is not the answer at five-eight. Is Barnes? I doubt it, and it’s too late to find out this year anyway.

If we settle on Giteau at inside centre and Digby Ioane at outside centre, Peter Hynes on one wing and Adam Ashley-Cooper at fullback that leaves a tearaway winger we have to find.

So by my count we need three new men plus a new five-eight who should be the kind of revelation Will Genia has been at halfback.

Am I asking for the moon? Probably.

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