The weekend that will be in rugby league

Bulldogs prop Ben Hannant has approached the club and requested an early release from his contract on the grounds that he is homesick and wants to return to QLD.

Club CEO, Todd Greenberg has had discussions with the Brisbane Broncos but has stated that he will only release Hannant if he receives the equivalent playing talent in return.

Hannant has poured cold water on the idea and seems to be staying put after not liking the idea of running out for the Broncos alone.

Lucky, as I’m not sure the result of this one was going to do much to convince Hannant to stay. Puffs by 12.

Rabbitohs v Titans ANZ Stadium, Sydney. Friday 7.35pm
Souths’ co-owner, Russell Crowe was so incensed by his Club’s inept performance against the Chooks last week that he demanded all players report to the video room at Redfern Oval first thing Monday morning for a motivational session.

Crowe sat all the boys down and proceeded to load what he thought was a DVD of one of his movies, perhaps his greatest performance even, ‘Gladiator’ into the DVD. The hope was that this would inspire his Team to realise their supposed destiny and fight alongside their brothers in this war that is the NRL Premiership.

Crowe was left with egg on his face when the movie started and it was in fact a movie of his that is probably more synonymous with the Bunnies start to the season ‘Proof of Life’….Um, Russ, we’re still looking for some. Titans by 8.

Warriors v Sharks Mt Smart Stadium, Nu Zullund. Saturday 7.30pm
Warriors honchos have decided to play episodes of the popular kid’s show ‘Shawn the Sheep’ on the big screens during this match in an effort to a) entertain the kiddies and b) take people’s attention away from the drubbing the Wannabe Aussies will be copping.

Lucky it’s a kid’s show, otherwise they might have had to pour cold water on the crowd to dampen their excitement at watching giant sheep on a big TV! Sharks by 6, which is about all the points they have in them.

Knights v Storm Energy Australia Stadium, Newcastle. Saturday 7.30pm
In keeping with their history of mind boggling plot lines, the producers of the hit TV show ‘Lost’ have taken another twist with the plan for the show’s next season.

Apparently the Newcastle Knights will provide all the material for every episode of the show, and will have cameras following the players’ every move for the remainder of the season.

Because God knows, a bunch of people stuck on an Island have got nothing compared to how lost the Knights will be after this week. Storm by 30.

Cowboys v Panthers Dairy Farmers Stadium, Townsville. Saturday 7.30pm
Cowboys enforcer, Carl Webb, has been detained by Police on fraud charges, in another black eye for the NRL.

Upon being questioned by Police, Webb has admitted to attempting to forge the signature of Champion halfback, Johnathan Thurston on his, as yet unsigned, nw contract with the Cowboys, in a desperate bid to ensure his Captain remained at the Club.

Webb was said to be baffled at just how Police tracked him down, as he was of the opinion his plan was fool proof. We at Round Review HQ have got our paws on a copy of the defrauded contract in question…which was signed in the name of JAWNAFUN FURSDEN.

Yep…no idea how they pinned it on Webby!?!?! Lucky JT is still around for this one, Cows by 14.

Eels v Sea Eagles Parramatta Stadium, Parramatta. Sunday 2.00pm
In an all too common act of heroics, Manly Police avoided a major catastrophe on a railway line near Brookvale Oval this week.

The Authorities pulled a Manly fan from the tracks just as a train was about to make impact with him, in what seemed like a bizarre game of ‘Chicken’. When the Eagles desperate was interviewed by Police, and asked just why he was standing there, the Man stated that he had wanted to see what it was like to throw his body in front of a runaway train, just like Brett Stewart did last Monday night.

Sadly, it seems, Manly fans are as daft as their players (well, most of us already knew that, didn’t we). Eels by 20.

Roosters v Tigers Sydney Football Stadium, Sydney. Sunday 3.00pm
After witnessing the appalling decision to suspend Tigers winger, Beau Ryan for an apparent crusher tackle against Manly last week, new recruit, Lote Tuqiri is in serious doubt for this game.

Tigers Coach Tim Sheens is hesitant to include Tuqiri in the side after the Ryan decision, as Lote is sure to be suspended when he crushes the entire Roosters squad whilst scoring a hat trick of tries this weekend. Tigers by 40 if Lote plays….30 if he doesn’t.

Raiders v Broncos Canberra Stadium, Canberra. Monday 7.00pm
A plan to have this game sponsored by Sesame Street in order to get more families to attend has been thwarted by heartless Broncos chiefs at the last minute.

After a meeting with Sesame Street boffins, including Big Bird, Elmo and Cookie Monster, it was revealed that the game was to be brought to us by the number 56.

Brisbane CEO, Bruno Cullen, decided that this number would invoke nightmares about the corresponding game last season for Bronco fans of all ages and pulled the plug on the idea. Heartless bastard! Raiders by 56.