Sportsfan’s word on this weekend’s NRL
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Dragons v Broncos. WIN Stadium, Wollongong. Friday 7.35pm. Convicted drug trafficker Shapelle Corby’s mental state has taken a turn for the worst after resident medicos in the jail she currently inhabits declared her insane.
When Round Review Ninjas inquired as to just what Corby had done to provoke such a dire analysis of her state of mind, we were informed that Shapelle had planned to put a bet on the Broncos winning this game. Dragons by 24.
Titans v Storm. Skilled Park, Gold Coast. Friday 7.35pm
Speaking of crazies, Titans Coach, John Cartright might need to have his head read after publicly declaring that Titans’ lock, Ashley Harrison should be in line for a Test jumper. There is more chance of the Titans winning this game than there is of Ashley Harrison playing for Australia…and there’s no chance of the Titans winning this game. Storm by 40.
Rabbitohs v Knights. Bluetongue Stadium, Gosford. Saturday 5.30pm
The Government of Fiji has recently received a boost with a multi-billion dollar export deal set to boost the Country’s economy. After two prototypes were tested on the NRL, a recently renovated and re-released model code named ‘Lote 2.0’, the other a less refined, but still quite powerful version, the ‘Uate 1A’, look for Fiji’s greatest export, the ‘Try Scoring Machine’’…appearing at an NRL Team near you! Look for a hat trick for the Uate 1A as the Knights take this one.
Bulldogs v Warriors. ANZ Stadium, Sydney. Saturday 7.30pm
Bulldogs Prop, Ben Hannant is still negotiating with the club on an upgrade to his contract, which will apparently cure his ‘homesickness’. Taking inspiration from Scott Prince’s contract negotiating skills, Hannant has requested $400K worth of property to be included in his deal. The Bulldogs have been forthcoming, and have given Ben 24 houses in the Belmore area. Now, instead of being home sick, Hannant will be sick of home. Speaking of homesick, the Warriors will be just that after this one…Dogs by 40.
Cowboys v Tigers. Cow Grazing Paddock, Middle of Nowhere. Saturday 7.30pm
Cows Hooker, Anthony Watts is under investigation by the NRL Salary Cap auditors due to an undisclosed third party sponsorship deal with fitness equipment manufacturer, Everlast. Apparently Watts signed a lucrative deal to have a range of punching bags with Watts’ likeness printed on them, and the bags are proving a huge hit. Even Tigers Hooker, Robbie Farah has one that he rarely leaves the house without, just in case he needs to exercise his fists of fury at any given moment. Sources tell me Robbie won’t be taking the bag to Townsville for this game, as good as the bags are, apparently they’re not quite as good as punching the real thing. Tigers by 30.
Sea Eagles v Sharks. Brookvale Oval, Manly. Sunday 2.00pm
Cronulla Police have arrested several men in relation to a serious explosion that released a dangerous gas around the Cronulla area last Saturday night. As people in Cronulla do, the men were fooling around with several types of gas, trying to get high, when one of them knocked over their lava lamp, which ignited the gases and sent huge plumes of smoke into the air, covering the entire area. The vicinity of Toyota Park was worst hit, with thousands of people being treated for hallucinations after reporting seeing all sorts of crazy things such as leprechauns, flying pigs, unicorns and Cronulla winning. The effects will have passed in time for this game, and those affected will come back to earth with a thud. Eagles by 7.
Panthers v Roosters. CUA Stadium, Penrith. Sunday 3.00pm
The newest glamour couple to hit the tabloids is Home and Away star, Jodi Gordon, and Roosters Captain, Braith Anasta. It makes sense that these two have hooked up, as their careers have followed similar paths. They’ve both been fawned over by the media for mediocre roles, have both won awards they had no place winning, and both have been in trouble for associating with shady characters….Jodi with a bikie gang, Anasta with his Roosters team mates. To use the term of a co-star of Gordon’s, Those Flamin’ Mongrels from Penrith by 6.
Eels v Raiders. Parramatta Stadium, Parramatta. Monday 7.00pm
In a huge shock for Parramatta fans, veteran prop Nathan Cayless has announced that he will retire at the end of the 2010 NRL Season. By huge shock, we mean that Eels fans were surprised to hear Cayless was actually still playing for the team, they thought he retired five seasons ago! Eels by 1.
Good luck to all, and go the Tigers!
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The Crowd Says (13) | Page 1 of Comments
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April 9th 2010 @ 1:16pm
Dan said | April 9th 2010 @ 1:16pm | Report comment
I agree with all of those minus Roosters and Panthers. Up the Roosters! The Storm will no doubt continue their stella form and I think the bunnies last win will be a flash in the pan.
By the way you’re assessment of Jodi and Braith is a bit stupid. Since when does an alleged bikie member become a whole gang, and ‘both won awards they had no place winning’ Awards that are voted by public? Alrighty then.
April 9th 2010 @ 1:43pm
sportsfanslife.com said | April 9th 2010 @ 1:43pm | Report comment
Thanks for reading Dan, it may be no surprise to anyone that I try never to let real facts get in the way of a good piss take! For the record, there are some other made up portions to the piece…
April 9th 2010 @ 4:16pm
Dan said | April 9th 2010 @ 4:16pm | Report comment
I just noticed that! My bad. A good piss take it is!
April 9th 2010 @ 4:38pm
sportsfanslife.com said | April 9th 2010 @ 4:38pm | Report comment
Haha, Mate, you aren’t the first person to be mildly outraged by reading anything I dish up before getting a glimpse of what is a pretty obscure sense of humour. Glad it all makes sense now! For the record, your Chooks are looking very formidable, even the much maligned (by me included) Mr Anasta, who seems to be relishing playing in a quality Team once again. Politis and Smith rolling the dice and taking Carney on seems to be working out great…although despite being a Carney fan, there’s a part of me that is still a little uneasy, given his history.
April 9th 2010 @ 1:20pm
alan nicolea said | April 9th 2010 @ 1:20pm | Report comment
Another fine review sportsfan. Hope the chooks do not melt in the heat against Penrith like they did against the Bulldogs two weeks ago.
April 9th 2010 @ 1:44pm
sportsfanslife.com said | April 9th 2010 @ 1:44pm | Report comment
Alan, I can relate to a Team melting in the heat after the Tigers/Roosters clash a few weeks ago….you must be stoked Todd Carney is coming on so strong, and so quickly!
April 9th 2010 @ 1:51pm
Brett McKay said | April 9th 2010 @ 1:51pm | Report comment
well thank God, I was starting to get worried about you mate
Gotta say Sportsfan, you’re disappointing me. You’re getting less outlandish by the week, and you’re not leaving me much hope about our challenge. Bris GC SS NZ NQ Cron Syd Canb doesn’t give me much hope of bridging the gap!!
April 9th 2010 @ 2:33pm
sportsfanslife.com said | April 9th 2010 @ 2:33pm | Report comment
Oooooh..now I get it,I’m meant to be outlandish, not dish out the factual and researched information featured above? Mr McKay, I never thought I’d say this, but for once, it is I that is concerned over your mental state! It feels nice to have the shoe on the other club-foot for once…doesn’t it?
Sorry to disappoint you Sir…I’ll be sure to get extra outlandish next week….and you might want to have a couple of dollars on yourself tipping a perfect round!
April 9th 2010 @ 2:42pm
Brett McKay said | April 9th 2010 @ 2:42pm | Report comment
no, I’m fine mate, but I’m worried about you – I mean, “dish out the factual and researched information featured above” is not something we’ve had to worry about from you previously, and yet here you are not that far off picking 8 TAB favourites!!
Next week you’ll be telling us to put the smart money on either or both Morris twins to score first try!!
April 9th 2010 @ 2:43pm
BigAl said | April 9th 2010 @ 2:43pm | Report comment
Isn’t the reference to Shapelle Corby’s mental state in pretty poor taste ???
April 9th 2010 @ 4:13pm
sportsfanslife.com said | April 9th 2010 @ 4:13pm | Report comment
No doubt some would think so Big Al, and I respect the opinion of anyone who happens to read anything I write. Personally, I’d say making a tongue in cheek comment pales in comparison to trafficking drugs in any mental state,and only pales further in comparison to the damage done at the tail end of said traffic.Convicted drug traffickers are unlikely to get any sympathy from me. I totally respect the fact that it’s 100% your right to disagree with me. Cheers
April 9th 2010 @ 8:36pm
Fivehole said | April 9th 2010 @ 8:36pm | Report comment
Gold! Once again pure gold! Well done sportsfanslife! Go the tiges!
April 12th 2010 @ 7:20am
Terry Kidd said | April 12th 2010 @ 7:20am | Report comment
Gee Sportsfan I’m glad you are picking for my footy tipping comp …. so far you have 3 out of 7 and your margins are so far off base there are out near Jupiter. Lol, I hope you are not punting for a living mate.