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How can a team outscore the opposition by three tries to two, dominate the possession and territory statistics, have a ludicrous penalty count in their favour and still lose a Heineken Cup quarter final match which was one of the most exciting games I have seen in years?
By bringing a kicker who couldn’t hit a cow’s arse with a banjo as Clermont Auvergne did against Leinster in Dublin.
Rugby is a team game and it is unfair to single out one player for a collective failure but really there is no other scapegoat than the Clermont number 10.
In the town where I grew up, the word Brock is a local term for pig swill, unwanted food residue which householders were only too pleased to contribute to local pig farmers. They were a familiar sight in my childhood, trundling through the streets with bins reeking from a week’s leftovers as they made their collections.
Last night Brock James’ kicking stank the RDS out. He landed five, but missed another five – most of them quite kickable.
He also failed abysmally with two late drop goal attempts, either of which would have put his team through.
It would have been no more than Clermont deserved because they had come, with a sizable and noisy travelling support, to do a job and they set about it with gusto.
Completely outmuscling Leinster at the breakdown they were camped in the Leinster half for the first quarter and ran up a 10 point lead. James missed one penalty attempt but converted the first of Julien Malzieu’s three tries the touchline and landed another penalty. Nothing to worry about so far.
However, Leinster were not completely without merit and struck back, first with a penalty from Sexton, who by contrast had an almost perfect night with the boot and then from a sumptuous piece of play from O’Driscoll who took two defenders out with a swing of his hips and a flip pass from the back of his hand that resembled the action of a Shane Warne googly.
The big striding Jamie Heaslip did the rest to part dodge, part crash, his way through two defenders.
Another penalty from Sexton and another try from Heaslip after a generous interpretation of the new kicking out on the full law gave Leinster a lineout 5m from the Clermont line saw the home side take an unlikely 20-10 lead.
This was helped in part by the first stage of Brock James’ kicking decline in which he missed a few penalty attempts. The last kick of the half saw Morgan Parra take over the duties but he fared no better.
The shape of the match was becoming apparent. Clermont were taking it through the phases up front and making huge inroads. Leinster, by contrast, when they did win some ball were spinning it wide at every opportunity and making the Clermont defence look shaky. It was a wonderful contrast of styles and made for a compelling contest.
In the second half Clermont came out all guns blazing and were quickly off the mark. Some powerful carrying and mauling by their forwards, with Argentinian Mario Ledesma to the fore sucked in the defence and Shane Horgan was hopelessly out of position when the ball was fed quickly to his opposite number Malzieu.
Another penalty narrowed the gap to two points. Midway through the half Clermont regained the lead when some lackadaisical defending from Horgan gave the French the time to charge down his clearance and Malzieu was on hand to finish off his hat trick.
The successful conversion put Clermont five points clear but James was still missing attempts that he should have nailed. Leinster might have had a try shortly afterwards but the TMO couldn’t be sure and so they had to settle for a consolation penalty.
The clinching score came from the only sin binning of the game when the Clermont full back flapped down a pass to counter a gaping overlap. The ensuing penalty gave Leinster a single point lead with about 12 minutes remaining.
The remainder of the match was a desperate rearguard action.
Especially when Clermont were back to full strength they camped in the Leinster 22 and James missed the first of his dropped goal attempts. That one seemed like a spur of the moment decision because he was very flat and snatched at it, much to the anger of Malzieu who felt he was in space and clearly fancied his chances of a fourth try against the out of sorts Shane Horgan.
With time up, Clermont were again camped on the 22 and bang in front of the posts. James dropped deep. Then inexplicably, the forwards decided to rumble again which only gave the opportunity to the defence to push them a little wide of the centre of the park.
James accordingly adjusted his footing but not his sights and his ensuing kick sailed wide.
“Ah the poor fecker!” someone shouted in sympathy, in between howls of delight and relief.
A wonderful match, but Leinster know they got out of jail.
Join The Roar rugby editor Christy Doran, former Wallaby Matt Toomua and a cast of regular and special guests as they look at the biggest issues in the game on The Roar Rugby Podcast. If you’re looking for great odds on the next game check out Aussie bookmaker PlayUp. Chances are you’re about to lose. Set a deposit limit.