What role should sport play in a young child’s life?
By Garth Hamilton, 26 Oct 2010 Garth Hamilton is a Roar Expert
- Tagged:
- Allan Border, John Eales, Keith Miller, Reds
What does sport offer to a new father and to what end can it be harnessed to benefit his new daughter’s life? I ask these questions perched, as I am sure many more experienced in my newfound profession have once been, with both head and heart filled with best intentions.
She is but yet to crawl, however I feel that the opportunity to spend my time asking such questions will quickly be over once such hurdles are overcome.
Sport does not, I readily admit, play a major role in my ideas on fatherhood. I don’t share Damir Dokic’s desire to impose sport as an end in itself but rather am happy if it becomes a means to my daughter’s happiness.
As a man who draws much enjoyment from a now rather passive involvement in sport, I would like to see her encouraged into it for two reasons; firstly, for her own sake and secondly that we might share some of those enjoyments.
The later reason, I will admit, is something of a selfish one. That she should have a source, any source, of enjoyment in life should be enough for me, and it will undoubtedly prove to be.
I don’t hold much hope of her being a particularly ardent Reds fan.
Still, the first of my two reasons gives me reason to pause; that I would like her to enjoy sport for own sake and am yet unsure of exactly what that might be.
What does sport give to a child?
We can quickly account for the low hanging fruit of the physical benefits that sport brings. Though my thoroughly busted knees and second-rower’s sciatica may otherwise attest, my body was once not such a complete stranger to fitness and prospered during the acquaintance.
It is the other benefits of sport that I question. How does sport affect our children’s development socially and mentally?
A rather unintelligent cliché has found its way into the sporting commentary vernacular that states ‘sport doesn’t build character, it reveals it’. The lack of imagination that this wisdom glares upon us is that such a statement could only be true if sport were a one off event, a polaroid once taken and then stapled to your epitaph.
But when has sport ever been such?
Be it a random game of touch struck up in a backyard or the organised competition between schools, sport allows us to be revealed over and over again, week-in week-out. We get to reflect on what of ourselves we chose to give and decide how we will choose to react to that.
In doing so, sport affords us every opportunity to build our character. More than that, team sport teaches us how to build a team character; how to be better for being part of something greater than ourselves.
I am thinking directly of John Eales’ Wallaby teams’ ability to find victory under seemingly immoveable mountains of defeat and Allan Border’s cricket team’s utter defiance at defeat’s mere shadow.
In this way, I find something more to appreciate in team sports than individual pursuits and I have found that the ability to not just tolerate interaction with others but to genuinely prosper in a team situation critical to my professional life. This again tends to sway me toward team sports but perhaps I have not accounted for differences in temperament or sex.
But what of the professional world of sport?
I would prefer she made her career in something more sustainable than sport but can’t ignore the influence of the upper echelons of sport on the amateur.
Though it pains my imagination I am sure that one day my little angel will have reason to give me cheek. I am not particularly looking forward to the day but as long as she never talks to me with the post-match, media-training talk of most modern athletes I will be happy.
Turning my mind to more seriously analyse the world of professional sport I find much that I would try to sway my daughter to avoid.
I don’t like the idea of sport as an avenue to celebrity. I don’t like the idea of sport to the exclusion of all other pursuits.
I would like her perspective on life not to be formed by sport but, like Keith Miller, her life experiences reflected in the way she plays it.
The world of professional sport also has some unspoken rules that I am not sure dovetail with my thoughts on fatherhood. Rugby, for example, is often derided for being elitist and too complex and yet would I use either of these reasons for stopping my daughter from entering any other sport, pastime, university course or career?
And how can one ignore the culture that surrounds a sport? Though it seems to make no difference in the ability of a professional sport to sell its product I would seek out sports that offered me some form of parental discretion in this area.
In short, I am unprepared to leave the guidance of my child in the hands of the free market, even in the relatively trivial field of choosing a sport.
But to avoid trivialities would be to avoid much of life’s fun and there is no small benefit to be gained in learning how to enjoy them. To provide a work-wearied mind with a refuge of competitive meaninglessness, to be able to engage in happy arguments about the abilities of teams containing not a single person within cooee of our circle of friends.
Ultimately this is about where I’d hope sport to be useful to my daughter; to keep her mind and body fit and active, to make her laugh and to teach her how to engage with the outside world.
All this thinking is no doubt in vain as I am sure I will continue to be only further wrapped around my daughter’s little finger and any thoughts that it will be me who does the guiding in our relationship are pure fantasies.
More experienced campaigners will hopefully forgive my naivety in hoping to carry so heavy an influence on my child’s sporting choices but I do wonder if the reasons we once held for getting kids involved in sport have changed.
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- Explore:
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October 26th 2010 @ 5:10am
Tortion said | October 26th 2010 @ 5:10am | Report comment
The most extreme answer to the title question can be found in an SMH article a few months ago. The focus was on soccer/football fathers training their young sons many many times a week in order to get them to the professional leagues. It came with a terrifying quote from one father who said that he thought he would have ‘made it’ had he had the proper coaching and he is determined his son will have that chance. Maniacs. Sure some of the children, even the vast majority, enjoy what they are doing but what happens when they stop? Of course this isn’t isolated to soccer/football but all sports. Scary stuff
October 26th 2010 @ 7:36am
Spiro Zavos said | October 26th 2010 @ 7:36am | Report comment
Just let the daughter grow up and play what she enjoys playing, if this is what she is going to enjoy. Talented kids have a way of finding out where their talent is best expressed. It’s good, though, to help kids into sport. As a former teacher I know that sport teaches kids a lesson that is often transferred to their life and other studies, namely that you get back what you put in.
October 26th 2010 @ 7:59am
Sam Taulelei said | October 26th 2010 @ 7:59am | Report comment
Agree with Spiro’s comments. The only other point I’d add is trying not to project your own bias and opinions on sporting teams and individuals to your children. Let them make up their own minds about what sporting teams to follow and support. In these formative years they’ll change allegiances as quickly as they change what food they like to eat. Being a parent is a verb and not a noun so be assured that her sponge like mind will absorb everything she sees you do and say, so her perspective on life will be formed more by how she observes her parents interact with herself and others than the cult of celebrity in sport, music, tv and film.
October 26th 2010 @ 8:29am
Danielle Warby said | October 26th 2010 @ 8:29am | Report comment
I also agree with Spiro. The challenge will come when you’re daughter reaches puberty, or perhaps just before that, when the pressures that are piled upon young women begin to make themselves felt. This is the time when many girls drop out of sport, for this there are various reasons, but it remains a fact that young women are less likely to continue with sport that young men. This is what happened with me.
I do wish we had more sportswomen for our young girls to look up to. I mean, sure, they exist, but the media attention they gain is minuscule compared to the men. This isn’t the only issue when it comes to encouraging more women to participate in sport, but it is certainly one contributing factor. Let’s see more sportswomen in the news. More positive stories. I am rather tied of hearing about the transgressions of male footballers. Yeah, Sam, I agree, the current cult of celebrity sucks.
Sport should be a lifelong pursuit. It should NOT about being the best, it should be about enjoyment and fitness and as another form of socialising. There are so many different sports that there is something for everyone. the old adage is true, it isn’t whether you win or lose, it’s how you play the game. It’s time we started to remember that.
October 26th 2010 @ 9:28am
Mick Gold Coast QLD said | October 26th 2010 @ 9:28am | Report comment
Team sport, Garth, any team sport. Until she’s mid teens winning is incidental.
Be involved, to the extent of running the oranges or being an amateur zambuck. Watch from the other side of the field to the bogans – always do that. Always. Watch quietly – the children can’t hear or process what’s yelled out from the sidelines in any event, all they hear is a jumble of belligerence that confuses – and enjoy the tiny triumphs.
She’ll find her level and her sport when she’s ready. Do your job of making junior sport and competition a pleasant memory and she’ll appreciate you most for that, more than for the goals scored, premierships or rep honours.
In the too funny department – Daughter No 1 (who grew up playing in the dust under the stand at TG Milner) rang this week apologising(!) that No 1 grandson at 8 years is showing serious interest in playing AFL rather than solving Australia’s front row problems in 2020. I reminded her that the three things I looked at first in a job applicant’s résumé were which Catholic College?
, whether they played team sport (didn’t matter which) and what they did with their time outside their professional work.
What I see of how the AFL is promoting the game in Western Sydney and seducing disciples impresses me mightily. They already have the mini games, drills and such going into the schools, as far out as Wentworth Falls!
I recall Matt Burke’s earliest job out of school was at the Magnificent Woodies in “schools development” – he was so proud of the car in his package! There was one other bloke with him. If only the ARU in the 20 years since had shown the vision, determination and network to do as well as the AFL has done in just a year and a half.
October 26th 2010 @ 12:44pm
ncart said | October 26th 2010 @ 12:44pm | Report comment
My daughter is nearly 5 and I just play ball games with her – throwing and catching and kicking just because these are good skills to have generally to allow her to participate in fun activities with other kids and with adults. Plus we have fun tackling Dad in the backyard. At her daycare they have a very well organised group come in called ‘Ginger Sport’ (this is in Brisbane) who do soccer skills in a fun way and this has been good for her to develop kicking and catching skills. I think all kids should be encouraged to develop coordination etc through just playing with throwing and catching balls and then down the track if they develop a particular interest in a sport then good for them. I am keen on my kids playing team sports for all the benefits that it provides but don’t have any delusions about how good they will be at it (based on my lack of talent generally), just as long as they have fun.
October 26th 2010 @ 4:00pm
Vinay Verma said | October 26th 2010 @ 4:00pm | Report comment
garth,the biggest gift a man can get is a daughter. The biggest gift you can give her is time.Don’t worry about the being wrapped around her little finger..that is a joy initself. The joy of giving judiciously. Know who her friends are. Give her a mobile at an early age and always insist on knowing where she is.
I have a daughter who is now 23 and she played rep cricket while in school. she came to me one day after a game of grade and said “thats it, I have nothing in common with my teammates” She was 14 and they were in the twenties and thirties.It was not sport anymore. She still loves her cricket and her netball but in a “passive” way.
Sport has taught her about fitness and the extremes to which you can push your body. I have thrilled to her swooping at cover and running a batsman out. I have burst with pride at a hook shot she played off her eyebrows. She had asked if she could take her helmet off the ball previous. I was the coach and would not have allowed that to any other girl. But my girl wanted to make a statement. I made sure she put the helmet on the next ball. That was both a careless and a defining moment for me.
And this is the most important bit..if you can raise your children and keep them away from drugs that is the biggest job you will ever do.
I wish you luck,Garth,and make every day special.
October 26th 2010 @ 4:05pm
Tristan Rayner said | October 26th 2010 @ 4:05pm | Report comment
Lovely article Garth, and felt your pride reading your comment Vinay. Thank you.
October 26th 2010 @ 11:21pm
Mick Gold Coast QLD said | October 26th 2010 @ 11:21pm | Report comment
“keep them away from drugs”
With four, Vinay, mostly 30 plus now, I consider myself blessed that I ducked that particular bouncer! That has been the grandest good fortune.
October 26th 2010 @ 8:21pm
eric said | October 26th 2010 @ 8:21pm | Report comment
Great topic Garth. Having been through this four times I certainly don’t have all the answers, maybe a few observations. We’ve done gymnastics, softball, netball, touch, tennis etc.
I’m happy for them to play anything, feeling that it gives fitness, team ethics, self esteem and skills plus keeps ‘em off the street and off the computer.
Gymnastics is a great grounding but nearly everyone gives up by the time they’re 10 or 12 because they reach their limits.
Softball can be dominated by one or two players and a player can get very little involvement.
Netball is the ultimate team sport because once a player has the ball, they must stop, and are totally reliant on their team mates to get into space and receive a pass. Also players are restricted to certain areas, therefore several players are required to get the ball from end to end. Also, in AFL areas, netball is played in parallel with footy, which adds to the attraction for participants.
Touch, for me, is a fun, casual thing. I can’t come to grips with the fact that they have rep teams and even a national team.
Tennis is my favourite because it can be played all of life, can be social or competitive, can be mixed sex (very important for teenagers) and every player gets plenty of involvement. And, it is easy for parents to play with/against their children.
You’ll find that for much of the time your daughter will want you at a safe non-embarrassing distance.
You are in for a fun journey. Watching your child with a bunch of friends, with parents you get on with, is a joy.
Remember, sport is played for fun. It is only the top .ooooo% that make a living out of it.
October 26th 2010 @ 9:10pm
Short-Blind. said | October 26th 2010 @ 9:10pm | Report comment
Thanks Garth for a thoughtful and timely piece (for me). My daughter is 2 and son due in 3 months thus I’ve been pondering these exact issues lately and appreciate yours and the other posters feedback. My two fondest sporting related memories from childhood was the day that my dad, brother and I all caught the same wave on surfboards and rode it together – certainly my ‘rosebud’ moment (Citizen Kane) that still brings a smile to my face. The other was Dad watching my many rugby games quietly on the sideline and always being there. I will certainly strive to follow his example with my brood and let the young ones make their own choices – but once they’ve cracked a wave or two they will be hooked!
I agree with Mick and others – as an ex-Defence recruiter I can say that a key attribute sought from candidates (other than motivation and trainability) was their exposure to team sports because generally that gave them good group fit, leadership exposure and an idea of how well they worked in teams. Because of this I believe it is essential for all kids to play at least one team sport.
October 27th 2010 @ 1:42am
JVGO said | October 27th 2010 @ 1:42am | Report comment
Yeh, Great topic Garth. As Vinay says it is a priviledge to have kids and having this responibiiity will teach you so much. Playing sport with their friends is one of the best experience a girl can have.
But I’d say that playing sport has been absolutely crucial for my relationship with my daughter too. She isn’t an elite athletic kid at all (I blame her mother for that) and she did swimming and some netball, and touch footy as a little girl. But when she was about 8 she said she wanted to try basketball. I was a bit wary as that’s my game (she used to watch me play I guess) and I knew I would inevitably be recruited to coach and I didn’t know how that would play out between us. I was happy for her to stick to netball honestly.
She wasn’t good enough to get on a team at first but she talked her mother into taking her to all these basketball learn to play courses for 6 months until she was good enough. And then when she did find a team of course they needed a coach. I tell you there were a few rocky Saturday mornings after that, and some tears, it’s almost impossible not set the bar higher for your own kid than the others. But we got through it (State Championships and stuff and a wife saying does everything have to be basketball basketball on the weekends) and I think we gained a lot of respect for each other. It has made us very close.
Here in the US as she gets older I can sit back and watch (the HS coaches don’t need you around} and as she branches out into other things like water polo. But those early years where I pushed her to be more daring and confident and take more responsibility were crucial to her I believe and I think we really got to understand each other. So don’t be scared, and you’ll learn a lot about yourself too. And if you have high expectations of them in other areas of their life I think it’s OK to be demanding and push them in sport too.