The title of an old Cranberries album is “Everybody else is doing it, so why can’t we”? Well, I’m adopting that mentality in writing this article, because every man and his rabid dog are expressing opinions about the current Australian cricket team. And I am no different.
Two famous songs from the aforementioned album are “Linger” and “Dreams”, and lyrics contained within are so apt for what is and isn’t going on with the selection policy at the moment.
“Do you have to let it linger?” – we could ask this question of Hilditch and Co. about the careers of Simon Katich, Nathan Hauritz and Michael Hussey, the use of Shane Watson as an opener, as well as the captaincy of Ricky Ponting.
“My dreams, it’s never quite as it seems” – I wake up to the knowledge that the likes of Phil Hughes and Brad Hodge are not in the current lineup. And that Hauritz and Hussey are in fact still in the squad. But it was so straightforward and logical while I was sleeping. It was obvious and made sense.
Here’s the recipe that will lead to an Ashes drubbing and we are powerless to change the ingredients:
1. Andrew Hilditch and his selectors. The way he comes straight out and informs the media which players he is grooming, thus crushing the hopes of others and resulting in little competition for spots. Not even Greg Chappell can save us.
2. Shane Watson opening the batting. The bubble will burst, even though he has been impeccable to date.
3. Simon Katich has been good, but the future is being neglected. Plus, the boy just can’t make hundreds. I don’t know if I can stomach another 80 or 90.
4. Ricky Ponting’s captaincy. We all know he can bat and that this is not enough to lead Australia. His lack of responsibility and tack on the field makes him most culpable.
5. Michael Clarke. See Ricky Ponting.
6. Michael Hussey is a travesty of the player he once was. I never thought I’d say that, but it’s true.
7. I like Marcus North in the side, but he cannot continue to fail at such a high rate. His extremes of brilliant and terrible leave nothing in between.
8. Brad Haddin at his brutal best can rival Adam Gilchrist for changing a game. But we need the stability of Tim Paine right now, who has proven he can perform well.
9. Nathan Hauritz is inept as a spinner. Everybody knows it, however, his name is still on the team sheet.
10. Mitchell Johnson lacks the inner strength to realise his great potential. If his bowling continues to fail, maybe the selectors will try turning him into a batting allrounder in order to keep his place.
That leaves Ben Hilfenhaus, who is an absolute star, and the injured Doug Bollinger. Hilfenhaus carries the weight of bowling England out on his consistent shoulders, but is injury prone.
If he goes down early in the series, we should declare and save everyone some pain. Bollinger can hold his own, but I’m still not completely sold on him. If Peter Siddle makes his way back in at Bollinger’s expense, then we cannot be saved.
In keeping with the theme of relevant songs, I’ll cry Justin Timberlake a river so deep that even Britney won’t be able to keep her head up.
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