It could be a re-imagining of the Ant and the Grasshopper, where the grasshopper has a thing for Page 3 girls and bootleg vodka. Melbourne rugby’s two English ex-pats have been thrown into the deep-end by their respective clubs this season, with some varying results.
And, just as one hails from the south and one the north of the old dart, so to have their apprenticeships for the big time been poles apart.
One must resist the urge to fall into geographic clichés when profiling the pair, as tempting as it is to bring up flat caps and Fleet Street.
Although Gareth Widdop hails from Halifax and Danny Cipriani from London, no one is suggesting young Gareth wore two coal sacks stitched together and worked in a coal mine from age seven whilst Cipriani collected antique monocles. It was, in fact, playboy Cipriani’s mother who took on the job of London cab driver to put Danny through school after his parents separated at a young age.
This isn’t to say, however, that there are not vast distinctions between the two playmakers potential and perseverance. Cipriani is the natural. A precocious, talented athlete, he was targeted by both Queens Park Rangers and Reading football teams as a youth as well as enjoying success in schoolboy cricket and squash.
Perhaps his biggest achievement though was managing to play rugby union for England at senior level whilst dating glamour model Kelly Brook and dodging the English tabloids, before being dumped due to poor form, ongoing injury, fighting with teammates and swearing during a TV interview. Turns out Kelly Brook had similar KPI’s to English coach Martin Johnson and decided to drop him as well.
In many ways Cipriani’s Melbourne sojourn is akin to a famed British boy band member who flees to the other side of the world to ignite a career on the downward spiral, only to frustratingly find out his new manager prefers him on backup vocals to lead singer. Sure, there are still plenty of groupies, but unfortunately they like his old stuff better than his new stuff.
If Cipriani’s fall from English super boy to rebel revivalist sounds as clichéd as the new Justin Bieber movie, then Widdop at the Storm has been like “Hurt Locker” pipping “Avatar” at the Oscars.
As a Halifax junior, Widdop turned away from rugby league briefly (to rugby union) after the city’s team was cut from the top flight, only to rekindle his interest in the game just before his family moved to Australia.
Originally bound for Brisbane, Widdop and his family ended up in Melbourne with Gareth playing in the Victorian Rugby League before being drafted by the Storm, making him the NRL’s first organically produced Victorian Englishman.
This in itself is a feat worthy of at least a Best Screenplay Golden Globe nomination. Let’s remember that Widdop started his Australian rugby league career before Ellis and Burgess suddenly made English players respectable post-Morley, and has done it from a junior system that is spending a lot of time in the other team’s 20m zone but just can’t get the ball over the line.
The fact that Widdop has managed to find a place in the Storm’s NRL side is a significant win for Melbourne’s junior systems, not to mention league’s long suffering English exiles who can finally think about replacing their Ellery Hanley posters.
Admittedly there is no doubt that both players are extremely important to their team’s success, both on and off the field. Cipriani is the Rebel’s international man of mystery, capable of single-handedly winning the game and the girl.
With his ability comes an arrogance though and if the Rebels can’t help Cipriani back into the games top echelons it’s hard to imagine him sticking round for another boring, super model free pre-season.
Widdop, on the other hand, is the fresh face of Storm 2.0, a rough diamond washed up at Altona who has been polished and polished by the Storm development machine to sparkle in league’s benchmark backline.
Watching both Widdop and Cipriani play on the weekend for their respective sides, it’s easy to see why both players have been rushed into Test match teams.
Both possess a startling turn of pace, however whilst Cipriani appears to run first and think later Widdop can be seen to quietly put his outside men into space, lulling the opposition into a false sense of security before hitting the afterburners late in each half.
These differing approaches were magnified significantly by the fact that whilst the Storm simply rolled on against the hapless Titans thus creating the space for Widdop, Cipriani was continually forced to try and pull a playboy bunny out of a hat as the Reds found their mojo.
His frustration was palpable to all who watched, and like many other international superstars before him he must have wondered how he came to being pummelled without respect in Brisbane’s humid house of pain.
It will no doubt be a long winter for both of the Melbourne’s two pommy pivots, however, despite the best efforts of Macqueen and co, it’s my feeling that only the ant will see out the winter.
Join The Roar rugby editor Christy Doran, former Wallaby Matt Toomua and a cast of regular and special guests as they look at the biggest issues in the game on The Roar Rugby Podcast. If you’re looking for great odds on the next game check out Aussie bookmaker PlayUp. Chances are you’re about to lose. Set a deposit limit.
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