How do you pick a winner in this year’s European Cup final? Manchester or Barcelona? The Red Devils or the Catalan connection? Yes, you could spend all your time analysing the strategies likely to be employed by both coaches.
Or take note of the views of endlessly-recycled media pundits on the worldwide web. Or you could just stick a dartboard up, paint one half red and one half blue and have a throw. But that’s just being a tad immature.
There are lots of other microscopic details that abound and could be used for results-based study (i.e. telling everyone who will win the thing).
Here’s just a few, mainly along the lines of ‘The 12th Man’s’ take on cricket’s rain rule.
Wasn’t it something like “divide the number of balls bowled by the number of balls faced, multiplied by the average age of the side batting second, minus the number of spanners in a Sidchrome toolkit?”
Anyway, here we go, Champions League fans…
AGE: United wins (founded 1878 as Newton Heath v 1899 as FC Barcelona).
VENUE: Barca (Nou Camp at 99,354 capacity over Old Trafford’s 75,957).
PLAYERS: Barcelona has 12 out of 21 players in its current squad that are actually Spanish. That’s 57.142 per cent. United manages to have just over a third, 35.135 per cent, who are true Englishmen, despite a larger roster.
DOMESTIC LEAGUE HONOURS: Barcelona (21 La Liga titles to Manchester’s 19 First Division/English Premiership gongs).
DOMESTIC CUP HONOURS: Barcelona (25 Spanish Cup trophies to United’s 11 FA Cups).
LEAGUE CUP HONOURS: Manchester United (4-2).
EUROPEAN CUP HONOURS: Three-all draw (at the time of writing, obviously).
EUROPEAN CUP-WINNERS’ CUP HONOURS: 4-1 Barca.
INTER-CITY FAIRS CUP/UEFA CUP HONOURS: 3-0 to the Catalans, I’m afraid. It’s not looking good for Fergie’s men.
UEFA SUPER CUP HONOURS: 3-1 Barcelona. This is getting a bit ridiculous, isn’t it?
FIFA CLUB WORLD CUP HONOURS: 1-1. Fortunately for Manchester United I’d say.
COACHES: Sir Alex Ferguson has a knighthood. Josep Guardiola doesn’t. Advantage United there.
OWNERSHIP: The Glazer Family (United) versus the fans themselves (Barca). No contest. Barcelona.
So, all up, weighing the available idiot-proof data, the following predictive conclusion can be reached: Barcelona to hold the cup aloft on Sunday morning. Eight goals to three.
With one goal each disallowed for offside. Unless Wayne Rooney has a very, very, very, very, very good day.
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