Sonny Bill: “A magical and revolutionary device at an unbelievable price.”

 
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By , 9 Jul 2012 Nicholashugo is a Roar Pro

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    If you remember the slogan, you are quite possibly reading this on your iPad or iPhone. Well, it’s done. Nick Politis got his man, Sonny Bill Williams is taking his talent to South Beach. Oops, I meant Bondi Beach!

    We don’t know for sure, because the NRL doesn’t want us to find out how much players are getting paid, but it has been reported that he is wearing the Roosters jersey for the bargain price of $800,000 a year, or if you prefer, in excess of 1/5 of the Chooks’ salary quota.

    He is also set to earn over a million for his 10 match service for a Japanese rugby union club, plus earnings for his two boxing fights scheduled in 2013, bringing a whole new meaning to the word ‘triathelete’.

    But what exactly does this mean for the club I support, the Sydney Roosters, and the rest of the NRL?

    Well, Mose Masoe’s contract is expiring at the end of the year, and if the Roosters are paying Sonny Bill Williams $800,000, it is almost set in stone that the big man with the mohawk won’t be returning to the Eastern Suburbs.

    I will miss his explosive runs, but hey, my club’s loss is another club’s gain right?

    If SBW reprises his role as centre when he was playing union, he will form the most devastating duo in the league with Shaun Kenny-Dowall.

    If Channel Ten wins the bid for the NRL broadcasting rights next season, be sure to look out for SBW starring in the hit reality series Being Lara Bingle as part of his third-party deal.

    Isn’t it ironic that SFS is just across the street from the SCG? It will certainly be handy for a Roosters star to ask for advice from Michael Clarke.

    The Roosters will become the Miami Heat of the rugby league. Fans from other teams are going to passionately hate the Roosters, mainly because their clubs didn’t get him. Be sure to look out for Todd Greenberg’s open letter that personally guarantees the Bulldogs will win a championship before SBW.

    It will look something like this.

    Meanwhile, Roosters fans can think about the possibility of not two, not three, not four, not five, not six, not seven… Wait, what? SBW is only here for a season?

    Roosters fans will be seen at churches more often praying for the health of the Roosters squad, especially for the player who is going to appear in two professional fights, albeit against a morbidly obese bouncer and a guy smaller than Daniel Mortimer.

    Fans from other teams will do the same, but pray for the opposite.

    Khoder Nasser will represent 80% of the NRL by the end of the season. More outrageous deals than the one Chris Sandow had will be struck, and the fans won’t know exactly how much the damages are. Jarryd Hayne will announce his plans to become a NFL running back, because not only will he get paid more, but he won’t have to defend and will only need to come up with one big play every game to keep fans happy.

    The inflation of player salaries will force the NRL to abandon the salary cap system. Cam Smith, Billy Slater and Copper Cronk will be rejoined by players Melbourne was forced to let go and the Sharks are going to be moved to Perth to be bought by Gina Rinehart.

    She will obtain full control of the Cronulla Sharks website, and instead of highlight videos, there will be anti-carbon-tax ads spoken by Todd Carney.

    Really. “This changes everything. Again.”

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