NRL Grand Final: Why your team won’t win: Bulldogs
Canterbury Bulldogs - Minor Premiers - but can they make the 2012 NRL Grand Final? (Image: AAP)
After a week of their respective coaches complimenting one another like two overenthusiastic personal trainers (“you’re number one”, “no you’re number one”) the two grand final teams have happily bunkered down for the big match.
Well, I hate to ruin the love in but guess what boys, you can’t both win. What do you think this is, AFL? No, one of you is going to get dusted, and I’m here to tell you just exactly why!
Here is why the Bulldogs will lose the 2012 NRL Grand Final.
A talented, speedy young superstar coming up against the rough and tough Storm in his first grand final. Does anyone remember how this ended for Brett Stewart a couple of years back?
After being allowed to swap from the Roosters to the Bulldogs, surely sneaky Sam has used up all his luck for this season?
Difficult to fault B-Moz, what with his speed and sharing his twin brother’s touchline invisibility skills. Can occasionally pull out the old feet for hands routine though.
A black cat walking under a ladder while wearing white boots couldn’t be worse luck in a GF than Inu. The man has gone 0 and 2 at two different clubs and the Dogs are tempting fate just by letting his smiling mug in the team photo.
Is surely treating the grand final as an afterthought to playing outside of the legendary Ben Pomeroy next season.
Reynolds won the NSW Cup grand final with the Bulldogs last year, so he has form. Could be a bit lost though without former international halves partner Ben Roberts to hold his hand this time around.
Has played above his reputation so far, but red-headed halfbacks are always cause for concern in a decider. I’m expecting an ankle tapping with the try-line wide open and some ineffective defence on a replacement second rower.
Solid player, however it doesn’t matter how well he does as James Graham gets all the wraps for his hard work from Rabs anyway.
Michael Ennis (c)
With Jason Ryles missing the match through injury the refs will need to find someone to penalise, and it may as well be Ennis. Which it will be. Because…he’s Mick Ennis.
Needs a big performance to prove he’s Origin material, particularly with regards to singing the national anthem.
Everyone knows the Tank can run hot and cold at times, something he has worked hard on getting rid of in his game. Unfortunately for him the refs have inherited this trait, and whether or not they decide to pin Franky’s decoy runs as obstructions will be as his clear cut as the man’s facial hair.
The man they call Pacey has come from nowhere to feature heavily in the Bulldogs line-up, an effort to be applauded seeing as he’s been pretty busy trying to woo the new girl Jen while simultaneously breaking up with Joey and finishing Dawson’s film school assignment.
I can’t imagine the word ‘enigmatic’ comes up too often in Des Hasler’s game plan, and Eastwood is one flick pass in his own 20 metre zone from spending next year scraping the pigeon poo from the Belmore grandstand for a living.
Pommy captain who keeps motoring all day, but surely must be the one bloke who wishes the game was still at night as there’s the chance he’ll be burnt to a crisp by half time.
As a rookie, he could go missing on the big day. Mostly because no one knows who the hell he is.
An upstanding citizen, Payne has made great inroads off the field in both his own education and fantastic community work. Which is just as well, as currently he is averaging about ten minutes a game on the field.
Everyone’s favourite little engine who could, Stagg is tireless but without a club next season. Wayne Bennett even went public to say how this is an outrage…twenty minutes after he signed Jeremy Smith.
Chris Chard is a sports humour writer commenting on the often absurd nature of professional sport. A rugby league fan boy with a good blend of youth and experience taking things one week at a time, Chris has written for The Roar, Rugby League Player Magazine, US Sports Downunder, the QRL and People. Tweet him @Vic_Arious