NRL Grand Final: Why your team won’t win: Bulldogs
Columnist By Chris Chard, 28 Sep 2012 Chris Chard is a Roar Expert
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- 2012 NRL grand final, Canterbury Bankstown Bulldogs, humour, Melbourne Storm, NRL, Rugby League
Canterbury Bulldogs - Minor Premiers - but can they make the 2012 NRL Grand Final? (Image: AAP)
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After a week of their respective coaches complimenting one another like two overenthusiastic personal trainers (“you’re number one”, “no you’re number one”) the two grand final teams have happily bunkered down for the big match.
Well, I hate to ruin the love in but guess what boys, you can’t both win. What do you think this is, AFL? No, one of you is going to get dusted, and I’m here to tell you just exactly why!
Here is why the Bulldogs will lose the 2012 NRL Grand Final.
Ben Barba
A talented, speedy young superstar coming up against the rough and tough Storm in his first grand final. Does anyone remember how this ended for Brett Stewart a couple of years back?
Sam Perrett
After being allowed to swap from the Roosters to the Bulldogs, surely sneaky Sam has used up all his luck for this season?
Josh Morris
Difficult to fault B-Moz, what with his speed and sharing his twin brother’s touchline invisibility skills. Can occasionally pull out the old feet for hands routine though.
Krisnan Inu
A black cat walking under a ladder while wearing white boots couldn’t be worse luck in a GF than Inu. The man has gone 0 and 2 at two different clubs and the Dogs are tempting fate just by letting his smiling mug in the team photo.
Jonathan Wright
Is surely treating the grand final as an afterthought to playing outside of the legendary Ben Pomeroy next season.
Josh Reynolds
Reynolds won the NSW Cup grand final with the Bulldogs last year, so he has form. Could be a bit lost though without former international halves partner Ben Roberts to hold his hand this time around.
Kris Keating
Has played above his reputation so far, but red-headed halfbacks are always cause for concern in a decider. I’m expecting an ankle tapping with the try-line wide open and some ineffective defence on a replacement second rower.
Aiden Tolman
Solid player, however it doesn’t matter how well he does as James Graham gets all the wraps for his hard work from Rabs anyway.
Michael Ennis (c)
With Jason Ryles missing the match through injury the refs will need to find someone to penalise, and it may as well be Ennis. Which it will be. Because…he’s Mick Ennis.
Sam Kasiano
Needs a big performance to prove he’s Origin material, particularly with regards to singing the national anthem.
Frank Pritchard
Everyone knows the Tank can run hot and cold at times, something he has worked hard on getting rid of in his game. Unfortunately for him the refs have inherited this trait, and whether or not they decide to pin Franky’s decoy runs as obstructions will be as his clear cut as the man’s facial hair.
Josh Jackson
The man they call Pacey has come from nowhere to feature heavily in the Bulldogs line-up, an effort to be applauded seeing as he’s been pretty busy trying to woo the new girl Jen while simultaneously breaking up with Joey and finishing Dawson’s film school assignment.
Greg Eastwood
I can’t imagine the word ‘enigmatic’ comes up too often in Des Hasler’s game plan, and Eastwood is one flick pass in his own 20 metre zone from spending next year scraping the pigeon poo from the Belmore grandstand for a living.
Interchange:
James Graham
Pommy captain who keeps motoring all day, but surely must be the one bloke who wishes the game was still at night as there’s the chance he’ll be burnt to a crisp by half time.
Dale Finucane
As a rookie, he could go missing on the big day. Mostly because no one knows who the hell he is.
Corey Payne
An upstanding citizen, Payne has made great inroads off the field in both his own education and fantastic community work. Which is just as well, as currently he is averaging about ten minutes a game on the field.
David Stagg
Everyone’s favourite little engine who could, Stagg is tireless but without a club next season. Wayne Bennett even went public to say how this is an outrage…twenty minutes after he signed Jeremy Smith.
Chris Chard is a sports humour writer commenting on the often absurd nature of professional sport. A rugby league fan boy with a good blend of youth and experience taking things one week at a time, Chris has written for The Roar, Rugby League Player Magazine, US Sports Downunder, the QRL and People. Tweet him @Vic_Arious
September 28th 2012 @ 8:41am
Manly Man said | September 28th 2012 @ 8:41am | Report comment
“Ben Barba coming up against the rough storm pack anyone remember how that turned out for Brett Stewart a few years back” I do That grub micheal Crocker knocked him out on purpose when he was catching the ball and it wasn’t a penalty. GO THE BULLDOGS!!! even though they stole half our coaching staff and players and I hate them.
September 28th 2012 @ 12:53pm
Brad said | September 28th 2012 @ 12:53pm | Report comment
I still remember Stewart lying prone on the deck… couldn’t have happened to a nicer bloke.
I’m choosing the lesser of 2 evils and going for the Storm this weekend, for all of the reasons quoted, and the fact that I hate the Dogs most of all.
Bring on next year already, so the bunnies can ‘re-claim’ their rightful place at the top of the heap!!
September 28th 2012 @ 1:02pm
B.A Sports said | September 28th 2012 @ 1:02pm | Report comment
Legal hit and like Brad said, couldn’t happen to a nicer bloke.
I don’t really care who wins, but I do hope it is an exciting game that goes longer than 60 minutes. Most of our finals this year have been over at the 60 minute mark.
September 30th 2012 @ 8:46am
Bee Bee said | September 30th 2012 @ 8:46am | Report comment
Poor Staggers. Surely with no Petro, Beale and Teo Broncos can throw hime a lifeline. At least he could keep us in games next year by making a 1000 tackles every match.
October 4th 2012 @ 2:18am
jed lloyd said | October 4th 2012 @ 2:18am | Report comment
The dog that hit Brett Stewert {crocker} now playing for the hapless bunnies should have been sent off you dope. Souths at the top of the heap, waiting for souths to win a premiership is like leaving the porch light on for Harold Holt.
October 4th 2012 @ 8:06am
Brad said | October 4th 2012 @ 8:06am | Report comment
Manly fan yeah?? Bummer……
October 4th 2012 @ 3:01pm
Geoff said | October 4th 2012 @ 3:01pm | Report comment
Well, it’s been played and the storm have won. Pretty much as expected. And pretty much as deserved. So it seems that the storm win because of their system, coach and determination rather than salary cap breaches. Great effort. No matter who u barrack for. Even those filthy dirty biting dogs.