NRL Grand Final: Why your team won’t win: Storm
Columnist By Chris Chard, 28 Sep 2012 Chris Chard is a Roar Expert
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- 2012 NRL grand final, Canterbury Bankstown Bulldogs, humour, Melbourne Storm, NRL, Rugby League
Storm celebrate their win. AAP Image/Action Photographics, Colin Whelan
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As we saw in the Bulldogs edition, unfortunately one team has to lose on the big day. Here’s why the Storm will finish second in the 2012 NRL Grand Final.
Starting 13:
Billy Slater
A seasoned campaigner, Slater knows how to get the job done! However a bung knee dampens his speed somewhat thus ruling out one of his greatest weapons. His knee that is.
Sisa Waqa
Another flying Fijian storming the NRL, the jury is still out as to whether Waqa is more Akuila Uate or Fili Seru. Or NSW or Queensland for that matter.
Dane Nielsen
A harsher critic would call the talented Nielsen a poor man’s Greg Inglis. In actual fact, he is the ‘within salary cap constraints’ Greg Inglis. Still waiting for his ship to come in (or speed boat for that matter).
Will Chambers
Chambers is a man who has battled serious illness, nagging injury and a sceptical public in the last twelve months. All of which pale in scale to his next challenge…having to answer endless questions about whether old mate Quade Cooper is coming to the NRL.
Justin O’Neill
Probably a nice guy, but his name is way too close to Julian’s for this scribe’s liking.
Gareth Widdop
The Pommy pivot finally gets his chance to notch one up for the old dart, and prove they can offer rugby league more than just chunky bum faced forwards. May want to watch out for Josh Reynolds’ elbow though…
Cooper Cronk
A rugby league player for the new millennium, Cronk can do it all. I just hope he’s in the right frame of mind following the inevitable sugary cereal debacle at the grand final breakfast.
Jesse Bromwich
This year’s accidental hero, Bromwich is a solid toiler but may have to step his game up a level or at least grow a beard to match the fearsome Bulldogs pack.
Cameron Smith
Cam ‘Churchill’ Smith is a man who cannot be faulted. However, if Russell Aitken has shown us anything, and I’d like to think he has, if Smith doesn’t fire the Storm could be in trouble.
Bryan Norrie
The Wagga Kangaroo is back for a shot at the big time. Does pretty good too for a 43-year-old.
Sika Manu
Balancing out the Storm’s nice guy back row is Sika ‘Madman’ Manu. Never too far from trouble, Sika has all the moves. Some of them being straight of WWE mind you, but still, he’s got them
Ryan Hoffman
‘The Hoff’ will need to put in a big game or there could be tears.
Todd Lowrie
Another workhorse of the Storm pack, Lowrie knows only too well the pain of losing a GF. And playing for Parra. One of these can be rectified Sunday afternoon…albeit the less painful memory of the two.
Interchange:
Ryan Hinchcliffe
An underrated player who can consider himself unlucky to be behind Cameron Smith. At least him and Michael Ennis will have something to talk about.
Kevin Proctor
Like a taller, faster, stronger Maori version of Matt Peterson, the Proctor is ready to operate. Can drop a ball though.
Jaiman Lowe
Whether or not a stint in Cairns under the tutelage of Royston Lightning is a good thing for an NRL grand final remains to be seen, but Lowe is resilient if nothing else.
Richie Fa’aoso
Can consider himself very lucky to play the part of Clint Newton 2.0 at the Storm, with the added bonus of not having to be known as the bloke who dumped Jennifer Hawkins in high school.
Chris Chard is a sports humour writer commenting on the often absurd nature of professional sport. A rugby league fan boy with a good blend of youth and experience taking things one week at a time, Chris has written for The Roar, Rugby League Player Magazine, US Sports Downunder, the QRL and People. Tweet him @Vic_Arious
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