Do’s and Don’ts for the Gold Coast 7s
Last year was my first time at an IRB international 7s tournament, and while I enjoyed the experience, I have a feeling that sitting high up in a sparse media box eating more sandwiches than I legitimately had right to probably didn’t leave me with the full sevens experience.
I have, however, learnt the error of my ways, and decided to rectify the mistakes of the past by going again this year and getting a closer look at the rugby induced revelry going on in the bleacher seats.
For those going along for the first time this year, I would hate to see them repeat my rookie errors, so here they are: 7 Dos and Don’ts for this weekend’s Gold Coast 7s.
Do make sure you take a group of mates along with you. Sevens matches are hardly the place for quiet sombre analysis of the breakdown, and are much more geared towards hooting like a pack of feverish baboons when the Papua New Guinean player scores a length of the field try or the South Africans kick it out on the full.
Don’t make eye contact with the big screen when they inevitably put the ‘Kiss Cam’ on you and your raucous buddies. This is rather a good time to put your head down and quietly check your phone’s battery status.
Do make an attempt to dress up in a hilarious outfit for the day. Most shops will have their Halloween stock in by now so anything that might be seen at an eight year old’s Super Hero party or a footy team’s Mad Monday celebration (the difference being the eight year old’s have a slightly more high-brow sense of humour) will do the job nicely.
Don’t choose a costume without an easily accessible fly or anything that will see you in the back of an ambulance by the third match of the day getting treated for heat exhaustion. Even Darth Vader can’t stop that stuff.
Do enjoy the fast paced action and exciting gameplay.
Don’t go to the loo at half time if you have any interest in what happens in the rest of the match. The only thing faster than a Sevens game is some of the high-viz jerseys the teams will be sporting.
Do cheer on all the underdog minnow countries from places you never heard of in Mr Walker’s year nine geography class.
Don’t be surprised if one of them manages to knock off the ‘Thunderbolts’ sometime over the weekend (also don’t ask who the hell the Thunderbolts are supposed to be).
Do cheer on local boy Shannon Walker as he looks to bring his blinding speed and sweet feet to the game.
Don’t ask why the Titans let him go. Just please, don’t.
Do make sure you take some time to tip some money into the local Gold Coast economy with a visit to its legendary cultural and arts precinct.
Don’t ask me where this actually is. Maybe just go to Sea World or take a walk around Robina Town Centre like everyone else instead?
Follow these simple guidelines and you’re bound to end up in seventh heaven!
Follow Chris on Twitter: @Vic_Arious
Chris Chard is a sports humour writer commenting on the often absurd nature of professional sport. A rugby league fan boy with a good blend of youth and experience taking things one week at a time, Chris has written for The Roar, Rugby League Player Magazine, US Sports Downunder, the QRL and People. Tweet him @Vic_Arious
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