Your NRL club’s New Year’s resolutions
The Melbourne Storm's Ryan Hoffman (right) is congratulated after scoring a try against the Canterbury-Bankstown Bulldogs during the NRL Grand Final at ANZ Stadium in Sydney on Sunday, Sept. 30, 2012. (AAP Image/Paul Miller)
The year 2013 has taken on almost mythical status among rugby league followers over the last few seasons, as a large injection of funds, a World Cup and the potential of (possibly) having a CEO mean the year could be a watershed for the code.
Because of this, a number of NRL clubs have earmarked 2013 as their breakthrough season, the year they’ll climb to the top of the heap bloodied and victorious.
As we all know though each journey starts with a single side step, and in the spirit of the hopelessly optimistic everywhere, clubs have decided to have a good hard look at themselves and come up with some resolutions for the coming year.
So here’s your NRL club’s New Year’s resolutions for 2013:
To not let the fact that Queensland has won seven Origin series in a row distract us from our goals as a club. Although many of our players have contributed greatly to Queensland’s winning streak, we realise that Queensland winning seven series in a row ultimately doesn’t have any bearing on the NRL competition.
(P.S. Queensland seven in a row!)
Canterbury Bankstown Bulldogs
To continue our remarkable on-field progress and go one better in 2013. That, and maybe to have shorter showers.
To not complain that despite having one of the most exciting young teams in the competition and making the finals last year, that we will be getting as much free-to-air coverage as the St Michael’s School Easter Bonnet parade. That, and being tipped for the spoon. I guess that’s just us though, we don’t like to complain.
Cronulla Sutherland Sharks
To not rub it in to the Dragons about making the finals. And to not buy any more Tigers players. And to keep an eye on the horizon for Harold.
Gold Coast Titans
To be more fiscally responsible and to keep Albert Kelly on the straight and narrow… as well as Dave and Jamal out of Pancakes in Paradise long enough to play a few games.
Kaspersky Sea Eagles
To stop talking about Des Hasl… crap, we did it again!
To continue flying the flag for rugby league expansion, with a special emphasis this year on trying to do this without making the comp as exciting and lopsided as your average Sydney to Hobart yacht race.
To keep the Knights in Newcastle, Wayne in his beachside apartment and the front office team on top of the local Newcastle workplace touch footy comp. You’ve still got it, Gids!
New Zealand Warriors
To finally live up to our potential by channelling our inner Qi and positive energy into a holistic footballing quantum trans-dimensional balance under new spiritual mentor Matt Elliott.
Well, that and stop getting 40 run up on us each week.
North Queensland Cowboys
To not let ongoing contract talks involving Johnathan Thurston distract us from, ummm, hmmm. Wait, what are we supposed to be doing again? And has anyone seen JT today?
To earn back the respect of our suffering fans …and beat Penrith. And by Penrith, we mean Phil Gould.
To earn back the respect of our long suffering fans…and beat Parramatta. And by Parramatta, we mean Ricky Stuart.
St George Illawarra Dragons
To ensure that our fine young coach Steve Price receives the full, complete, unquestionable, 100% support of the board.
South Sydney Rabbitohs
To make sure all our fans who purchased jerseys last August don’t have to go back into hiding again for another twenty years.
To work harder to develop our own junior players, and establish a culture built on trust, loyalty and player harmony…until Quade Cooper is booted out by the ARU for dissing Robbie Deans’ hairdo on Twitter, at which point all bets are off.
To play a more consistent brand of football and ensure the only Benji performing at next year’s grand final isn’t some heavily tattooed nuffie torturing footy fans with pre-match entertainment mumbling.
But what about you footy fans, anything to declare for 2013?
Follow Chris on Twitter @Vic_Arious
Chris Chard is a sports humour writer commenting on the often absurd nature of professional sport. A rugby league fan boy with a good blend of youth and experience taking things one week at a time, Chris has written for The Roar, Rugby League Player Magazine, US Sports Downunder, the QRL and People. Tweet him @Vic_Arious