The new Wallaby jersey was unveiled this week, and I couldn’t help but notice how … yellow it was. It was more yellow than it’s ever been.
It’s more yellow than that primary colour we’re given to mix on a palette in year four.
It’s more yellow than a yellow-bellied traitor.
It’s more yellow than a lemon or, as many fruit radicalists like to call them, a yellow.
How a jersey can be more yellow than the very incarnation of yellow is a matter for another day, but just know that this jersey is really, really yellow!
There are calls from many in the universe, the Twitterverse and the dactylic-verse to see the Wallaby strip resume its former shade. Where’s King Midas when you need him?
But it seems the ARU, and the PR department, and whoever else makes these decisions is intent on seeing Wallaby gold move with the times and become Wallaby fluoro-yellow.
So I got to thinking (dangerous, I know).
Why would the Wallabies jersey-makers want to make it that colour? Surely it’s given the go-ahead by notables within the ARU hierarchy?
Robbie Deans probably had a look in there somewhere, as did the senior players.
Well, looking back almost a year now, I have found the answer.
Quade Cooper, in September last year, said: “The environment there is one that I don’t feel comfortable in and if I don’t feel comfortable in it, if I don’t feel I can give 100 per cent for my country and for that yellow jersey, that’s a very big problem.”
That yellow jersey. That yellow jersey.
We all know Quade was talking about the ‘toxic environment’ at the Wallabies at the time. Or was he?
I think, on reflection, Quade was actually talking about the yellow-ification, if you’ll allow me to use such an abomination of a word, of the famed Wallabies jumper.
I think Quade thinks the latest incarnations of the Wallaby shirt are an abomination.
And I know Quade thinks I think Quade’s right.
So to all of you who lament the loss of the Wallabies jumper of the 1990s, Quade’s on your side.
To those of you who like a bit of orange to go with your yellow, Quade’s on your side.
He’s sick of seeing the heritage of the jersey being devalued, just as you are, and his passion for the national team won’t be the same until they bring back the jersey exactly as it was all those years ago.
Back to the days where we could be proud of those who wore it. When David Campese was goose-stepping like a maniac; and John Eales was unacceptably tall for a goal-kicker; and George Gregan didn’t have to take four steps and have a cup of joe before he passed to the fly-half.
Let’s bring back those days, say many of my father’s generation. And you know what, baby boomers, Quade’s on your side.
The latest rugby player turned Twitter-head turned celebrity turned sweet scientist is on your side.
And until the good old days are brought back, Quade ain’t gonna show half the passion for that dirty, compromised, chunder-inducing ‘yellow’ jersey. Horribly tinny word, yellow.
But is there a more nefarious, stinky, decaying, nostril-cloying twist to this story?
I love a conspiracy theory as much as the next bloke, and I think the question must be asked: who in the ARU has it in for Quade?
If the ARU knew all he needed to excel at international level was a return of the heritage gold, why did they rebuke his simple request with such atrocious disdain?
These questions aren’t going to answer themselves people. We’re going to have to go knock down some ARU doors and lobby on behalf of Quade to get the gold jersey back.
It’s part of our heritage, just like drinking XXXX at barbeques and making jokes about Queenslanders not being able to spell beer.
For Quade. For the jersey. For the Wallabies. For our national pride. It’s time we rebelled (but more successfully than the Melbourne Rebels).
Follow Paddy on Twitter @WarmingthePine