How to lose fans and alienate punters

112 Have your say

The Roar is loving
the Official AFL
app. More:

Official AFL app

Anthony Milford returns for the Canberra Raiders (AAP Image/Action Photographics, Renee McKay)

Related coverage

It’s the question that’s on every rugby league fans lips. Is Anthony Milford a young superstar facing a heartbreaking moral dilemma, or just the next ungrateful bugger off the ACT assembly line?

In the space of a few months Canberra Raiders player Anthony Milford has gone from another kid whose name you’ve heard whispered around the traps, to actually existing, to being an exciting player with a long future in the NRL.

He’s got the Canberra locals chanting Milf! Milf! Milf! With a fervour not seen in the nation’s capital since Anita Keating left the Lodge, and has helped to mop up some of the ink stained mess left behind by Davo Dugan.

Which naturally means he’s intending to leave the Raiders in the near future.

Yes, as was mentioned on the Roar last week it seems that not all the Cockington Green’s or lime milk in the world can keep anyone aged under twenty-five in Canberra, and Milford is looking to take up a position at the Broncos.

The twist in the tale though is the fact that this Anthony might actually have a better excuse than frustration at not being given automatic entry to the Immortals or being barred from Mooseheads, as Milford’s father lives in the Queensland capital and is battling illness.

It is a delicate situation, one perhaps not being helped by Milford’s management putting out the fire with Goulburn gasoline by proclaiming that their talent will sit out the season and play video games with Gorden Tallis if he doesn’t get his way.

So far the Raiders have refused to budge, having already let go enough talent to fill several Dragons sides, and also knowing that footy players wanting to move closer to their families has become a great get out of contract free card (how are the folks in Brisbane Izzy?)

And that should be the end of the road for Milford.

Fortunately though Anthony has got an ally inside Guantanamo Green Machine who has been busily tunnelling his way out for some time now.

Forget Snake Piston, if Milford really wants to ‘Escape from the ACT’ (with or without the kidnapped US President) then there’s one man he needs to get in contact with.

Blake Ferguson.

Remember that Seinfeld episode where George tries to get himself fired from the Yankees so he can take up a position with the New York Mets?

Fergo has been doing that for the last three years!

Reports are that Ferguson wasn’t at the Raiders game on Saturday because he was hanging out in Cronulla.

Cronulla!

That’s like Lyle Lanley going for a coffee date in North Haverbrook.

If Milford really wants out of his Canberra contract all he has to do is start acting the goat with Blake and sooner or later the Raiders will be forced to turf him out.

And, the great thing is him and Fergo could have a lot of fun trying, they just need to get a bit more creative.

Anyone can post a selfie of yourself being a goose on facespace, what about taking the Raiders team bus for an early morning road trip to Fyschwick?

Or tying a nude Dane Tilse to the Canberra Uni flagpole? Or willfully damaging the premiership trophy (although I think Laurie already did that in 89).

A couple of these zany schemes and the Milf is a free man, Fergo can move in with Uncle Choc and the Raiders can continue on their mediocre ways.

Everyone wins.

Except, y’know, the fans and stuff…

Chris Chard is a sports humour writer commenting on the often absurd nature of professional sport. A rugby league fan boy with a good blend of youth and experience taking things one week at a time, Chris has written for The Roar since 2011. Tweet him @Vic_Arious

Video brought to you by The Roar