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31.4 overs. A single session of cricket. Capitulation, surrender and embarrassment. And that was just the final Test.
The term ‘Test’ may have to be revisited. The contest between Australia and England was termed that in the late 1890’s because of the intense struggles between the master and colonists.
The Ashes were a symbol of contest and pride, adversary and sibling rivalry across 10,000 miles, international diplomacy occurred when cricket niceties were not observed.
Cricket was a serious game, losing the Ashes was considered terminal to a playing career. One of the countries can see the guillotine over that horizon at the moment.
The England cricket team have been very good in recent years. They held the trophy since 2009, also winning it in 2005.
They have beaten India away from home on some vicious spinning pitches after trailing and that is not an easy task.
Alastair Cook has been a dominant opening batsmen, Jonathan Trott a faithful first drop. KP arrogant and fruitful, Ian Bell an anchor and gauntlet wearer Matt Prior a grizzled unflinching veteran.
The quick bowlers and support acts, including the mystically retiring Graeme Swann, had taken 20 wickets often enough to get the team to the top of the tree, if only briefly.
Ageing teams rarely decline quickly, they are more likely to slide slowly down the competition ladder until the powers that be declare the need for the injection of youth through a ‘transition period‘.
Experience is a key ingredient in maintaining the form of ageing sportspeople, their sharper brains make allowances for the creaking frames, which makes this plummet almost impossible to understand and potentially harder to fix.
This team disappeared into the dark zone quicker than The Enterprise hitting warp 9.
The manic disintegration made compulsive and convulsive viewing like a train crash into a fun park, you hide your eyes but peek through the fingers hoping for minimal casualties but you know there will be plenty of tragedies.
As bad as England were, Australia were good, very good.
Mitchell Johnson was made man-of-the-series but there was a powerful argument for Brad Haddin to win.
A point podium would have made perfect sense. Without Haddin, as weird as it may seem, England may have retained.
His 493 runs at number seven, average 61.62, were second most and highest average. His ‘keeping was immaculate. Any rumours of his retirement are premature.
He is a tough, uncompromising competitor and has one of the shrewdest cricket brains around.
Don’t underestimate Michael Clarke’s reliance on his vice captain’s shoulder.
Australia can get better and will need to if they are to beat South Africa on their own turf.
Haddin’s numbers prove that the batting needs some reinforcement.
George Bailey may be a handy white ball hitter but his fellow Tasmanian Alex Doolan should be given a chance at six.
Given the thrashing and the resurgence of the baggy greens it would be wise to anoint the most improved player of the series.
Mitchell Johnson is a contender, he is in career best form but the clear winner is the rookie Chris Rogers.
He knows how to make first class hundreds and now he can make them in Test cricket.
The dominating second innings at the MCG followed by the sublime 119 on a pitch where no one else could find timing or placement were superior digs.
He may have doubted himself as a Test cricketer for much of this series, but no longer.
He is the man most likely to blunt Dale Steyn, Merne Morkel and Vernon Philanderer, Australia’s next challenge.