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Sandow: earn your keep and move to 9

Roar Guru
7th February, 2014
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Can Chris Sandow turn around the Eels' fortunes? (AAP Image/Action Photographics, Robb Cox)
Roar Guru
7th February, 2014
29
2887 Reads

I am not a disgruntled Eels fan and have no particular bone to pick with you Chris Sandwo. Fact is, I am a pretty big fan.

Sure, I don’t have a poster of you on my wall and no, I don’t have any signed Rabbitohs or Eels number seven jerseys framed in my billiard room. But I respect your many talents on a rugby league field – you have more rugby league talent in your right shoulder than I possess in my entire body.

Chris this article/open letter is in fact a somewhat delayed response to a number of articles and posts on The Roar referring to your positive frame of mind and attitude adjustment during preseason training.

Sorry to be a sceptic, but mate, I just don’t believe a word of it.

Furthermore, a significant portion of NRL fans also believe this line of thinking is no more than boring dribble, conjured up by hack writers devoid of decent material for a story worth reading.

Chris, I don’t know you and I acknowledge this makes my comments somewhat unfair, especially as we all know you have had some off field issues. That said, I am not trying to bash you, but as a fan I can’t hide from the fact that – according to the press (and Russell Crowe) – you earn over 500k a year.

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As hard as this may be to hear Chris, you have failed to deliver and have not represented value for money to Parramatta.

This isn’t personal; it’s purely economics, and footy economics at that!

The good news is I have a solution – and yes, you’re right, I should really send this letter to coach Brad Arthur – but I want it to be your idea so you can claim all of the glory for initiating such a wonderful master class in coaching (I am a fan of yours after all).

Chris, I want you to imagine a conversation with Coach Arthur that goes something like this:

Chris: Coach?

Coach: Yes Chris?

Chris: Mate, I am sick of losing, I am sick of the bad press, I am pretty sure Parramatta fans on the whole think I’m a dud and I want to single-handedly put all this negative BS behind me and turn things around.

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Coach: That’s great Chris, keep training hard and remain focused and things are going to work out.

Mate you have to trust our coaching team, you have to trust your teammates but more importantly you have believe in yourself and focus on the one percent plays and that extra ‘effort on effort’ stuff we talked about as a team yesterday, right?

Chris: Well coach… that’s what I am trying to say, effort on effort. I think I have been too caught up on trying to be the best halfback I can be when truly I should be focusing on being the best footy player I can be.

Coach: I’m not sure I follow you.

Chris: I need to shake up my game coach, you know – get extreme. I wanna play hooker.

Coach: Don’t be silly Chris, you can’t tackle!

Chris: Naw that’s nonsense, I just don’t like getting my hair messed up and if I play hooker I will get a blade one all over so it won’t matter.

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I want us to be top eight this year, let me carve ‘em up out of dummy half and then Haynsey and Hoppa will do the rest.

I dreamt about it last night it’s perfect coach. Jarryd can play in the backrow like Sonny Bill Williams and Will Hopoate can play at the back.

It’s going to be awesome!

Coach: Gee Chris, I don’t know…..

(24 hours later, the conversation continues.)

Coach: Chris, if you are serious I want you to make a permanent transition to the hooking position, starting immediately.

Your training program will be adjusted to bring your KPIs in line with a representative level number 9.

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You will be required to play for a minimum of 40 minutes per game, making a minimum of 30 tackles during the second 20 minutes of each half for the first 10 rounds of the NRL competition.

From Round 10 onwards, we expect you will increase your game time to 60 minutes where, injuries permitting, we will keep it for the remainder of the NRL season.

What I am saying is you are going to be doing a bucket-load of tackling and if you don’t step up your fitness, intensity and hunger it could be a very embarrassing experience for you.

I suggest you take the rest of the day off to think about it before rising at 5am tomorrow for your first of many specialised individual training sessions that we have planned for you.

Chris: I won’t let you down coach. Thank you.

Coach: Oh Chris, can you tell Jarryd to come and see me in my office…

(End fictional conversation.)

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Chris, I have no doubt that playing hooker would be a tough and physically demanding transition for you but my point is this, If you took it upon yourself to re-invent as a tough, crafty and defensive powerhouse at 9, then Parra would no longer be wooden spoon favourites.

Outside of this, aside the anticipation of the almost inevitable stellar individual performances of Jarryd Hayne and Will Hopoate, things are looking glum for Eels fans in 2014.

500k per year is a lotta dough Chris, maybe it’s time to start earning it?

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