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Surfing the web I often stumble upon some interesting sports related advertisements on Gumtree. These were the highlights from this week.
For Sale: A range of eleven* as-new Brazilian Stadia
Are you looking to escape to the serenity of the Amazon? Look no further than Arena da Amazônia in Manaus.
Do you prefer the nightlife of Rio? The glamour of the Maracanã may be more suited to your tastes.
Perhaps the sleek, modern feel of the Arena de São Paulo is more appropriate for your lifestyle – the enormous screens make it harder to see the poor people outside.
These are just a few of the eleven stadiums around Brazil that are on offer to purchase. Will sell at a discount for the lot or negotiate separately.
*Please note that the Estádio Mineirão in Belo Horizonte is not for sale. Under direction of the Brazilian government it will be burnt to the ground, the land will be exorcised of German daemons, and a 60ft statue of a weeping David Luiz will be erected in memoriam.
Searching for Companionship: Dom M seeks Sub M
I recently got a month off from work and am looking to engage in some playful wrestling, heavy smothering and light to substantial choking/asphyxiation. No safe word.
My way or the highway. Spanking considered. Melbourne area only. Please enquire through Hawthorn Football Club, extension #17.
Positions Available: Trophy polishers (multiple), Sydney Area
An interested consortium of professional sporting clubs in the Sydney area is in need of an expert team of trophy polishers, specialising in shining silver cups, bronze statuettes and with experience in shield maintenance.
Must be available for outdoor work, including parades and unveiling ceremonies, and be able to provide a ‘see your own reflection’ standard of service.
We’re as confident of success as Eddie McGuire in the UAE so work is expected to commence from October.
Ridershare: Small Manx fella lookin’ ta hitch or share a ride with anyone heading to Paris
I’d booked a cosy spot in the Groupetto but due to circumstances completely within my control I’m right bollocked up and can’t take that route. I’m littlenuff to fit in the boot of most hatchbacks and I can easy keep the group laffin’ and grinnin’ through the trip with real life kinda impressions of John Lennon, Benny Hill and David Cameron.
Can’t chip in for fuel money but am happy to repay the debt and all with signed autographs of me wife in the buff. Her picture, my scribble. Win, win for us all ya see!
Me boy Andy “Pea Heart” Schleck might also want to come but he’s teenynuff that we can fold ‘im up and stick him in the glove box so shouldn’t be like any problem at all.
Gimme the tale at Manxmissile@isleofman.gov.uk. Good dreams be at yer.
Wanted: A Spine
In need of some replacement parts for my spine. Although I had a great night on the workbench Wednesday, it’s starting to get a bit old and after eight bloody excellent years is finally showing a bit of wear and tear.
The first vertebra is still nice and mobile but doesn’t deal well when there’s pressure from up high and geez it lets me know about it when I do something it doesn’t like.
The sixth vertebra has been one of the best but is now unable to slide in order to stop intense trauma down the left hand side.
A piece of the seventh vertebra is broken, but I’ve got another seventh vertebra lined up to replace it so no worries.
The ninth vertebra really holds the rest of this lot together. Still going strong and my only real concern is that when I went in for X-rays last week the doc told me it’s worryingly hairy. Would be happy to trade it in for one with a Brazilian.
If you’re aware of any possible replacements please contact big Malcom Meninga, c/o Souths-Logan Rugby League Club, Davies Park.
Alternatively please leave any reply correspondence at the feet of my statue at Lang Park and I’ll send Alf down to collect it.
Wanted: A Spine
Eu preciso de uma nova coluna. Embora eu estou feliz que eu não tinha um, quando os alemães nos vencer.
PS Também a minha coluna não caberia no dedo mínimo da Mal Meninga.
PPS Google Translate não funciona – Neymar.
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