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With Dave Smith working on making the NRL more appealing to potential fans, I looked to the stars to reveal the cons your casual sports fan may want to consider before aligning themselves to a club.
You might also want to consider your personality when selecting a team too.
In alphabetical order for your pleasure.
Brisbane Broncos
Your coach has the unfortunate knack of sticking true to his nickname and coping the hook. Your star fullback also wishes he had been at the World Cup due to his preference for catching bombs with his feet.
Canberra Raiders
Your team’s recruitment gurus are a common kitchen utensil, namely a sieve. The man who hooked a pigeon on the Today Show has a better chance of landing a quality catch than the Green Machine.
Canterbury Bulldogs
Your team is rather kinky. They are into partner sharing and greasing up large English men, and there is evidence of a strange biting fetish. If you are more conservative in the bedroom then this team is not for you.
Cronulla Sharks
Have a tendency to consider alternate means of sustenance a little too seriously. These come in both solid and liquid forms. If you are a stickler for traditional beverages steer clear.
Gold Coast Titans
The stage five clingers, your team has a tendency to hold onto things a little too long (Dear Mr Cartwright). Its great that you’re sentimental but if you like your space, things can get a little overbearing.
Manly Sea Eagles
Your team unfortunately just has a rather off-putting personality. Call it tall poppy syndrome, call class warfare, there’s something about your side that makes everyone want to take the proverbial swing at your beak.
Melbourne Storm
Your team has some aces up its sleeve, which would be great except the game is poker and the movie is Maverick, and we all know if you’re playing with an extra few cards the sheriff is more than happy to shoot you down.
Newcastle Knights
Take the men of mystery appeal a little too far. Father and son duo Darius Boyd and Wayne Bennett certainly have the gift of the gab, you just have to possess telepathy to take it all in though.
North Queensland Cowboys
Your team built its stadium on Indian burial grounds and added insult to injury by adopting the Cowboys moniker. There are constant conspiracies against your club, along with the tendency for referees to forget they exist and let other teams keep the ball for an extra tackle or so.
Parramatta Eels
Your team took an over zealous liking to My Kitchen Rules over the last few seasons and went about collecting kitchen utensils. Unfortunately strong homeware sales left you with only one actual item of use and to make maters worse it was made of wood. If you can’t stand cooking, look elsewhere.
Penrith Panthers
Your team loves Tracy Chapman, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but come on what song do you know other than ‘Fast Car’? I sure hope you’re a music enthusiast otherwise have fun belting out that one chorus.
South Sydney Rabbitohs
If you aren’t a fan of the Hangover movies, frat packs or the Brady Bunch, then you may want to look elsewhere. Four brothers and a man named Rusty will hold you at their will.
St George Illawarra Dragons
If you grew up with a nasty or over-protective older brother this is not the team for you. You’ll just have memories of how they acted all cool at first because they were excited you were part of the family and then gradually they just put you in headlocks until you gave up trying to fight back. Now they just sort of awkwardly ignore you.
Sydney Roosters
See that big shot down the street who makes you feel insecure that he drives a Bentley and you’re in a ’92 Corolla with a mustard stain on the seat? Well quite simply he doesn’t care for you, he’s too busy living the high life. If you hate that well-off dude, you need to keep searching for your match.
New Zealand Warriors
Like keeping your files organised? Potentially working as an accountant or receptionist? Then stay the hell away from these bad boys. They’re into making irrational decisions and cause as much mess as they do beauty.
Wests Tigers
Are you old, decrepit or senile? Hate those darn kids skating on your sidewalks? Never quite enjoyed the whole diaper changing experience? Then don’t even think about supporting this bunch of whipper-snappers.
Reckon you can pick the winning team? Build your own dream team with Draftstars daily fantasy and compete on any match. For great odds on the NRL head on over to PlayUp. Imagine what you could be buying instead. Set a deposit limit.
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