If you’re looking for good comedy, it’s hard to go past The Bachelor, a game of romantic musical chairs where women compete for the affections of a serial snogger with the personality of a stick.
This season the bachelor is being played by a bloke called Blake.
It may be all sorts of wrong but it’s hilarious. So far this season the highlights have been Holly tearfully telling Blake that as much as she fancies him, she prefers netball, and Laurina claiming Blake has robbed her dignity by kissing another girl on a group date.
You’re on The Bachelor, love. We are way past dignity.
There are some who argue The Bachelor is not true to life. Which is an absurd thing to say about reality TV. So I have set myself an assignment. Can I draw any similarities between The Bachelor and certain sporting relationships?
Of course I can!
For inspiration, I’m focusing on the antics of Amber, our favourite bunny boiler who was punted last week because Blake just wasn’t feeling the ku-neck-shun with her. Or, in his words, ‘the spark that leads off to love’.
So, here goes.
Cake-gate
Did Amber turn off Kara’s oven during the cake baking challenge or not? And do we care beyond the theatre of it all?
Well, this is the Lewis Hamilton and Nico Rosberg relationship in a nutshell. Hamilton reckons Rosberg has been deliberately stacking his car to sabotage the Brit’s championship chances.
Down Under, we have found the stoush fabulously entertaining, particularly as it has created the opportunity for our own Daniel Ricciardo to pinch two consecutive races. Mercedes sees it differently, though. They’ve just warned the pair to pull their heads in or they won’t get a rose next season.
Drama-gate
On more than one occasion, Amber has earnestly told the camera she’s just not into the ‘dwaaaama’ that some of the other girls pull.
This is classic ‘hello kettle, this is pot’. And for its sports equivalent, we can’t go past Shane Warne’s Twitter attack on AFL legend Adam Goodes for apparently taking a leaf out of football’s diving book.
Warney, who was never one to let an appeal go begging in his own playing days, then questioned Goodes’ Australian of the Year worthiness. Yes, that’s right. Warney. That paragon of virtue who’s never known a day of scandal his whole life.
Allergy-gate
Amber had to tearfully leave a group date at a farm because she’s allergic to horses. Which was funny because the only animal the girls had to go near was a mechanical bull.
This one falls into the ‘bunging it on’ category. Something Amber did with considerable aplomb, flouncing around the mansion at the slightest provocation. Australia’s basketball team has been accused of similar behaviour in its shock loss to Angola in the World Cup.
Critics claim the Boomers tanked to avoid playing Team America in the quarter-finals. The Boomers say they lost fair and square because were just resting their best players for the pointy end of the tournament.
And to prove it, they lost to Turkey and got bundled out of the competition.
Dog-gate (aka gog-ate-my-date card)
On a date with Laurina, Blake pulled out a runty alien-like critter he’d flown in especially for her. It looked like Dr Evil’s cat. It was in fact Laurina’s dog. This prompted an epic outburst from dateless Amber, who whined: “The f***ing dog gets a date, and I don’t have a date!”
So this one is a debate over selection. A topic which has tested the bromance between Aussie cricket coach Darren ‘Boof’ Lehmann and captain Michael ‘Pup’ Clarke in recent days.
After Australia lost a one-day match to Zimbabwe for the first time in 31 years, Pup had a crack about certain players being left out of the squad. To which Boof said something about not being a fan of airing dirty laundry in public. To which Clarkey basically raised the middle finger.
We’re sure these two can kiss and make up, though.
Shut-the-gate
In the most sensational development on The Bachelor ever – at least until Blake took a dressed-to-the-nines Laurina out for a dirty street pie at Harry’s Cafe de Wheels – Amber rejected a rose offered by Blake and walked out. Only to walk back in a few minutes later.
For sensational dumpings, we need look no further than Rory McIlroy jilting Caroline Wozniacki just days after sending out the wedding invitations.
Since then, Rory’s game has gone gangbusters, while Caroline’s has continued in the doldrums. Until the past two weeks, that is, as she has fist-pumped her way to the US Open final against bestie Serena Williams.
The secret to Woz’s new found success? I reckon she must be imagining every ball as Rory’s face.
So, as you can see, The Bachelor is indeed grounded firmly in reality. Since being shoved into the departure limo, Amber is now testing her chops in acting. Whether in comedy or ‘dwama’ is yet to be seen.
What’s your best bet? For great odds on all your favourite sports check out PlayUp. Chances are you’re about to lose. Set a deposit limit.
It’s a pretty good time to be a Tasmanian sports fan right now. After years in the sporting wilderness with not much to celebrate,…
Olympic swimming legend and Australian Sports Commission boss Kieren Perkins has warned that "someone will die" if a multi-sport event that allows athletes to…
In 2015 when heavyweight boxer Tyson Fury beat Wladimir Klitschko, the fighter regarded by many as the ‘Greatest of all time’ in the sport,…
Join Australia's most vibrant online sports community and you have the chance to win $1000. The Roar is the perfect blend of sports reporting,…
Here is a review of our boxers who made a splash in the world rankings over the past year.
After intense debate at Roar HQ, we’ve selected the 23 most controversial moments for 2023.
