As the bottom eight enjoy their additional four weeks of annual leave, they will begin to turn their attention to not being as shocking in 2015.
This will include scouting new talent, something the Canberra Raiders have failed miserably at this season.
Then take into account the talented Raiders juniors who sign with rival teams, rep players who move because they actually want to play finals football, and those who sign and then renege. It ain’t pretty.
So with Canberra looking less mean Green Machine and more rusted lime-green Datsun, what are some contributing factors to why they can’t lock down talent?
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The Canberra weather
Seriously, have you ever been there? Only days after scorching temperatures above 40 are over, you’re scraping sleet from your windscreen.
The only two benefits of the temperature in Canberra are that it keeps the beers frosty during home games, and you can hang your binocular straps off your erect nipples.
Plus we all know NRL lads love getting their gear off to Snapchat some inappropriate images. This is made tougher, and far less impressive, when done in cold conditions.
The politicians
It’s a sad sight to drive along the Federal Highway to see much of our local wildlife killed by speeding vehicles, and it’s only made worse by the living politicians once you get there.
Most of us find it tough to wade through the scores of electoral hopefuls on election day at our local polling booths without choking them by their own promotional lanyards, so you can understand NRL players not wishing to see swarms of those same breed in horrible tie/suit combinations on a daily basis.
It’s odd though, because given the scandals in both politics and NRL, you’d assume both groups would be united by common activities. Just don’t inhale.
The green jersey
It’s awful, isn’t it? It’s like an outfit out of an episode of My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding. Thinking of Glen Lazarus stuffed into a Raiders jersey is proof enough that the look just isn’t flattering, as even he moved to Brisbane and then Melbourne for a darker, more suitable ensemble.
Coming into the comp in 1982 did limit their colour choices, but surely trying to blend into the turf wasn’t the best option. Psychologists say the colour green invokes feelings of balance and calmness, but I couldn’t sit through the movie The Green Lantern, because it reminded me too much of the ’89 grand final, and I don’t like remembering Wayne Pearce crying.
The only jersey worse that the Raiders is the canary-yellow leader’s jersey from cycling, which seems like an ironic punishment to prove that winning ain’t everything!
Floriade
If there’s one thing that scares NRL players more than a pub’s 3am lockout, it’s flowers. So migrating to a city which is internationally renowned for a flower show would be like Ray Warren taking a job as a librarian.
While the thought of some of the game’s big names skipping through the floral arrangements and taking pictures of hydrangeas with their iPads gives me the giggles, the game’s copping enough criticism for going soft.
If the Raiders can lobby to have Floriade moved to another state, and perhaps have the International Neck Tattoo Show held in the ACT, they may successfully grab a few more players.
So there are four reasons, but let’s face it, there are more. There has to be as well, because the Canberra Raiders really seem to struggle to lure players.
Perhaps with football no longer on his agenda, Clive Palmer could purchase the side and entice players with trips on his Titanic II in 2016. Until then, the Raiders will remain the competition’s cellar dwellers, as they throw ludicrous cash at players who would prefer to stay out of the ACT.
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