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I read in the Dominion Post that Wellington’s ceremonial “key to the city” has vanished from a sealed display case in the Museum of Wellington City and Sea.
The key is 110 years old and is valued at NZ$8500. The theft occurred off-camera.
Police said “[the thief] would have had to have a sharp implement or a scalpel to break the silicone seal on the case and then another implement to lever the glass up. That’s not an easy job”.
As to who might have stolen the key? Police believe “It could go all the way from somebody who is concerned with its value to an opportunist, to an obsessive collector”.
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Heyneke Meyer was robbed last week. He had yet another precious win over the Wallabies in Australia on the the trusty bootlaces of Morne Steyn. All Steyn had to do was kick a rugby ball – without anyone trying to tackle him – at a target about 30 metres wide. The target? The touchline, someplace outside his own 22 metre line.
Can you imagine Meyer betting against Steyn pulling that off?
And so we know what happened next. Instead of coming to Wellington even with the All Blacks on the log, the Springboks are behind, tired and much maligned. Steyn will be wearing a tie, sitting in the grandstand because he couldn’t hit a grandstand with the ball last week.
And the boy wonder Handre Pollard will take the field. If Meyer can beat New Zealand in Wellington, with a 20-year old at the helm, it will be one of the great heists in rugby history.
The All Blacks have two great fullbacks in their back three and a Jonah Lomu-like wing finisher. South Africa have a mercurial fullback and two finishers who aren’t that great under the high ball.
I expect Steve Hansen’s kickers to hoist more punts than the Springboks do. Why not? Cornal Hendricks has yet to prove he wants to catch high balls in traffic, and Bryan Habana is inconsistent with his clearing kicks.
The Kiwis’ midfield is as perfect a duo as a tenderloin with Malbec. Jean de Villiers has no idea where Jan Serfontein will be on defence. Aaron Smith is playing like he is a rugby angel, sent to earth to teach mortals. Ruan Pienaar is playing like he has hemorrhoids.
The packs are about even, with Sam Whitelock’s and Tony Woodcock’s absence, but that glaring disparity in the backline means that there is no possible reason Hansen should lose.
It will be cold, wet, dark and windy and the fans will be baying for red cards.
The Boks have lost in Wellington when the scores were high. They lost in 2011 when the teams scored 47 combined points, in 2010 when the aggregate was 48, in 2006 when it was 52 points total and in 2001, when both sides combined to score 61 points.
The last time South Africa won a Test match in Wellington was in 1998. The All Blacks scored three points. South Africa has won three times in Wellington and drawn once. The combined number of points from all of those four Tests? Sixty-three points.
How can Meyer steal the key to the city (assuming he was not the thief)?
He needs to steal a restart or two and steel between three and five lineouts. He also needs to nick a scrum or two. De Villiers needs to help his master and steal a ball on the intercept, while Conrad Smith’s time and space needs to be taken away from him at the ruck.
The Springboks need to rob the All Blacks of speed and flow from the ruck and confiscate Aaron Cruden’s ability to aim his kicks. Ma’a Nonu’s eyeliner should also be pinched.
Now that’s how to steal a match against the All Blacks, Heynecke.
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