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Forget about last night’s lopsided fizzer – this year’s NRL finals series still promises to be one bold and fruity drop that will maintain its acidic properties right up until closing time, and I’ll be swilling it like a red-nosed toff until my kidneys cry.
While it was an unbalanced decanting for 2014 with Souths’ public skinning of Manly at Allianz, you only have to think back to the asylum of the final rounds and the extended array of cutthroat ties to know some whacko twists and controversy are on the way, which we can swish and swill like the connoisseurs we are.
Last week, I dipped my toe on the idea of a Roosters versus Rabbitohs dream grand final and the toe was promptly shredded by a swarm of ferocious piranhas who know their league – that’s you legends.
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» North Queensland vs Brisbane preview
» Mastermind’s NRL Finals preview
Thanks to your advice, I’ve given myself a rebooting uppercut and it’s opened my eyes to the possibility of magic and mishaps.
Yes, apparently there are more than two teams in this race. In fact, there’s even more than four.
Good guidance and some self-inflicted jaw trauma has taught me that the title fight is wide open and the winner may come from the last place we’re looking – and that’s the land down below.
Ever since we’ve pinched the AFL finals system from our southern eggball cousins, the format has carried on like a stubborn old man when it comes to teams touching glory from outside the top four. Put simply, it doesn’t like upstarts from the lower ranks, and while ever it’s alive, it won’t let any of them near important crockery.
Having to win four do-or-die matches on the trot against mostly higher opposition, it’s made the dream run about as possible as a quiet bottleshop on welfare day. This is not a bad thing, however could this be the year this trend is broken with a Disney-like run from an outside intruder in the bottom four?
Look at the teams. There’s some handy form in there, a galaxy of match winners and the Bulldogs. It’s definitely possible.
So here’s the argument for 2014’s bottom-four candidates, loaded with clichés and delusion to meet rugby league standards.
Brisbane Broncos
Two words: departing coach.
Due to Anthony Griffin being dumped in favour of the much better Wayne Bennett, Brisbane have been gifted one of the great motivation tools – doin’ it for Hook.
The beauty of this approach is that’s a mega-simple way to approach a footy game, meaning it’s perfect for finals footy and 20-something meatheads.
Forget stupid things like game plans and training, just remind the playing group that someone significant is leaving the club and that it would be shame for them to part ways on a loss, even though its become somewhat commonplace after having 12 already this year.
What will follow is the playing group’s 15th ‘honesty session’ for the season, where the 22nd pact will be made for the year to ‘finish this one off with a bang’. This is where backline moves will be tweaked with second man plays of emotion, and defence becomes not about saving points, but being able to look your mate in the eye at the end of the game and know that he’s not going to leave you out of Mad Monday planning due to spite.
It’s stirring stuff and it’s been known to work beautifully with anything in Queensland. It could take Brisbane all the way, which would be unfortunate because then the grand final would then have to be moved to a Friday night.
Canterbury Bulldogs
The Dogs of War eat September like it’s jelly-filled cake topped with Sprite-coated Skittles.
Despite their whimperish form coming in to the finals, teams will still sweat on avoiding them because it’s a fact they know how to get things done at this time of year.
Sure, it’s an ambiguous footy truism, but if Gus says it as well as everyone else then it definitely exists as a true threat.
Whether it’s the ghost of Bullfrog Moore or the platform laid by those concrete-infused maniacs from the 80s, the Bulldogs jumper has shown it can make a group of men graft their way to success in September. Add a dash of Des, and they’ll tuck it under the arm and scrap and tussle and grind their opponent down in to submission until they tap-out like the mumma’s boys they are.
And if this reliable approach doesn’t bear fruit, then they can just take an early penalty goal and rely on Michael Ennis running down the clock by talking to the refs. For four games in a row.
North Queensland Cowboys
Any team involving Johnathan Thurston can do anything. And I mean anything, from deciphering a David Lynch film to setting the timer on a VCR and everything in between, so winning an NRL premiership from the depths should be a cinch.
Even though we’ve been waiting since 1995 for this franchise to wake up, this could be the year that in true Far North fashion, these mad ranchers finally take the safety off the loaded gun and fire something that isn’t blank.
Don’t you think there’s a certain ‘feel’ to this perennial ‘danger team’ that’s exactly like every other year where they’ve come up short?
The Cowboys have a splendid squad in grouse form at the right time, and as I stated before, they’ve got the boofy-headed bloke in the playmaking position who can turn games on the flow of his show-and-go. Plus they are due a finals series where they don’t cop a shafting from officialdom – now that’s a fact.
Sure, they’ve shown a reliable tendency to be unreliable in similar situations in the past, but I’m adamant that this is going to be the year they get it together at the most crucial time in their existence, despite failing to do so at any time in the last 19 years.
Melbourne Storm
Experience, baby. Craig Bellamy and his playoff pros are here in finals again, and it’s become so commonplace that I doubt that time itself would even stage the month of September if the Storm were unable to attend for any reason.
Melbourne can go all the way because they’ve been there and done that so many times now that Punxsutawney Phil doesn’t even bother coming out of his burrow any more. They know every match situation possible across all different finals scenarios, and Bellamy has a game plan for each and every one. He really needs to get out more.
Their ‘Big Three’, along with their fleet of reliable servicemen have all crammed the textbook and done the exam more than most, and this proves they possess that valuable commodity: the ability to read, and more importantly, good old finals experience.
They’ve got so much of it that it can override anything like poor quality of performance, inept adjudication and superior opposition. Experience can take them all the way*.
*Reliability of experience to win football games cannot be guaranteed in the event of Cameron Smith’s absence.
Can the unthinkable happen in 2014? Roarers, I’m turning to you for answers. Is there a glimmer that something other than belching can brew from below and erupt in this finals series? Or am I just concussed from too many uppercuts?