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The Outsider’s guide to the Spring Tour

23rd October, 2014
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Izzy, you're right. Australia should keep focus on the main trophy available this year. (Photo: Paul Barkley/LookPro)
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23rd October, 2014
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There’s nothing like getting away from it all to relieve the burden of one’s troubles.

The Wallabies get to do that from today when they jet out of Sydney for a five-week odyssey that will take in the best outfits that the Northern Hemisphere has to offer.

When the year’s schedule was first released – complete with two extra ‘money’ games on the tour itinerary – the players could have been forgiven for shaking their heads.

With a Rugby World Cup just around the corner, an overload of high intensity and high impact matches hardly seemed like best practice, as far as preparation for that tournament was concerned.

Outside of lining the ARU with (admittedly much needed) cash, how was playing yet another meaningless game against the Barbarians going to help with the World Cup? Or an extra Test, at the end of a very long year, against one of our major World Cup threats, England?

With a new coach, and dare I say it, a new start; that’s all changed.

All bets are off, no places can be assumed, and those who are flying out tonight know that they are getting the first opportunity to impress the new man in charge.

Venue-wise, it’s not the worst trip either.

It doesn’t matter how many times you play at Twickenham – which the Wallabies will do twice on this trip – the atmosphere and grandeur of the place ensures that every visit to London’s Southwest is one that is looked forward to.

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The stadium itself is very modern. Because it is used almost exclusively for rugby, the playing surface is always pristine, unlike venues such as Sydney’s Olympic Stadium, the Sydney Football Stadium and the Millennium Stadium in Cardiff, where the over-use invariably leaves the pitch in poor condition.

You can’t escape the English traditions though. As you drive in on the team bus, you can see the cream of the aristocracy out in the car park sipping their champagne next to their ‘Rollers’, and munching on their canapés and ham sandwiches in readiness for the big match.

(No, I’ve never been invited, I only know what they are doing because I asked one of the English guys!)

Then there’s the visitors’ dressing room, which once had outside of it, on the wall, individual plaques dedicated to England’s ‘Greatest Twickenham Test victories’. For that read, any wins over the All Blacks, ourselves or the Springboks, with the odd French Test thrown in to boost the numbers!

Seeing those never hurt with the motivation!

One of the other traditions of a Twickenham Test is the post-game dinner, which allows the “Old farts”, as ex-England captain Will Carling once eloquently designated them, to slap players from both teams on the back and say “Well done, old chap!”

It can be a bit of a punishing thing, especially after a loss. The function, in the aptly named ‘Spirit of Rugby’ room, does at least provide the chance to mix with the opposition and have a yak.

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That’s something there is precious little opportunity to do in the game these days. It really only happens on the European tours.

The crowds at Twickenham can get into it, especially around the singing of ‘God Save the Queen’, but of all of the venues that the Wallabies are appearing at on this tour, Dublin will be the most passionate.

The expectations of the Irish will have undoubtedly been raised by this year’s Six Nations title, and Lansdowne Road was always the loudest Test match ground anyway.

If anything, the stylised enclosing of the old ground into the modern stadium we see now has only made it even louder. The noise simply blasts out onto the pitch, almost like the place has a roof.

As last year showed, Dublin offers other ‘attractions’ too, although I’m picking the new gaffer’s reputation might scuttle a few ‘sight-seeing’ tours this time around.

The Irish love their rugby, and are very hospitable people. They are also good losers, and I don’t mean that in a derogatory way.

Good humour is always in plentiful supply, they certainly don’t sulk or moan about a referee’s decision. Everyone simply has a pint and a laugh and gets on with enjoying themselves for the evening.

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With an attitude like that, it’s hard to begrudge them a win every now and then – as long as it’s against someone else of course!

The Welsh are also as passionate, but in a different, suffocating kind of way.

Maybe it’s because rugby union is their national sport, which it isn’t across the Irish Sea, but the ‘boyos’ are a bit like the South Africans.

They know the game, but they are also not slow in telling you how it is, sometimes with a patronising attitude, which only adds to the motivation for the weekend.

Apart from its usually crappy pitch, the Millennium Stadium is pretty impressive when full, especially for the singing of the Welsh anthem, Land of Our Fathers.

When you watch the Welsh players banging the hymn out, you can see how much it lifts them, in a not dis-similar way that the haka does the All Blacks.

At other times though, the ground can be a bit soulless. Especially when it’s less than full, which it has been for many of the end-of-tour ‘money’ games that have been played on recent trips.

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Like most British cities, Cardiff has its cultural and architectural highlights. The castle, which stands across the road from the hotel all of the visiting teams stay at, is pretty impressive. But the weather would make living there a tough gig.

Which leads me to Paris, which is likewise pretty cold during the November Tests. It offers so much, though, that it more than makes up for the extra layer of clothing that is required in order to get around.

From the world famous Eiffel Tower, Arc de Triumph and Champs Elysees, to the colourful cafes of the St Germaine district; Paris is a city that’s always alive – the European version of New York (only a fair few centuries older!).

One of the things that has always interested me about visits to the ‘City of Light’ is hearing about what guys get up to.

The physio room (the HQ for all of the team gossip) is usually alive with the chatter as to who has actually done the cultural scene, taking the chance to see the famous landmarks, or go to the Louvre and the city’s various other fine museums.

It is also the venue where reports can be gained on who’s been more focused on the cuisine and the various other delights an evening in Paris can provide!

Without naming names, some of the answers in each instance would surprise you!

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Then there’s who has been out on the sly, hitting the city’s world-renowned boutiques, in order to secure that special gift for a lucky lady back home.

This last piece of ‘activity’ is always a closely guarded secret, but the ‘information’ usually ‘leaks’ in the end with inevitable ‘consequences’, especially if the ‘romantic’ is among the younger members of the touring group.

Tests in Paris these days are held at the Stade de France in Saint Denis, which perhaps lacks the atmosphere of some of this tour’s other venues, but is nonetheless still pretty impressive.

Even though it’s a multi-purpose facility, the crowd is still close to the pitch, which makes it important to take them out of the game by getting on top early.

The singing of Le Marseilles is one of the most impressive sounds in rugby. It’s a beautiful anthem, but if the crowd starts singing it spontaneously it’s a bad sign. It inevitably means that the French are on top.

Get the patrons whistling or jeering and the going is good. They are either on the ref’s case, the home team’s case, or both!

Like the English, the French love their post-match formal dinner, which usually stretch well into the wee hours, given their Tests don’t kick off until 9pm. But the atmosphere is usually a little less stuffy than it is at Twickenham.

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There is also a sure fire way of ensuring that you all part ‘the best of friends’, even if the Wallabies have just delivered a decent blow to France’s national pride.

To be popular tourists in France, even if you’ve beaten Les Bleus, the answer is easy: beat the English!

If you’ve already done that on tour, or promise to do it if the Twickenham game is later, you will always be among friends in France (and Ireland for that matter!).

It never fails.

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