Rex Mossop coined many memorable Mossopisms. One of his best has been neglected, when it should have been in common currency this year.
“A punch never hurt anyone,” said the late, great Rex, defending footbrawls when they broke out.
Or as fellow great, the late Frank Hyde would say: “a bout of fisticuffs” or “giving him Larry Dooley.”
Football player Luis Suarez has now provided his own variant. The Uruguayan muncher-not-puncher has opined biting is harmless. Tetanus shots are still advised.
Rex was wrong, of course.
Punches kill people.
The reasons rugby-league players haven’t been killed is that few attempts land and most players can’t fight.
And when they do land, most punches aren’t thrown properly and unlike victims in the street, footballers are protected by their bull necks.
No need to be hit over the head to recognise these realities.
They’re restated because of Paul Gallen’s preparation for a celebratory boxing match.
Gallen is not so much a footballer as a physical freak and force of nature.
His bull-in-a-ring approach would overpower just about anyone through his sheer power.
Yet Gallen landed two king hits on Nate Myles in a State-of-Origin match and couldn’t knock him off his feet.
That should tell Gallen, tell anyone, that he hasn’t a future in the ring against fair-dinkum professionals, as opposed to palookas.
There have been footballers who were fair-dinkum fighters.
Legendary Kangaroo second-rower Herb Narvo was also Australian heavyweight boxing champion. He had a bit of technique about him, and knocked out fellow Kangaroo and legendary forward Ray Stehr. Stehr wasn’t a fighter but was a footbller in a trumped-up title bout – a forerunner of today’s celebrity farces.
Legendary hard man and Kangaroo Kevin Ryan was knocked out by future professional Athol McQueen when fighting for a place on the 1960 Australian Olympic boxing team.
Billy Johnstone fought for the Australian middleweight title while Canterbury hooker.
And then there’s Anthony Mundine. Whatever the criticisms of his grandiosity, delusions and career management, his courage, technique and boxing skills are unquestioned.
Wallaby Bob McMaster also played representative rugby league and was a wrestler, Jim Armstrong played league in the front-row for Australia and won an Olympic wrestling medal, but there haven’t been many more fair-dinkum fighters.
Sonny Bill Williams should have demonstrated for all time the folly of being a celebrity fighter when he won a controversial heavyweight bout on points against controversial South African Frans Botha.
Williams had the Mr Universe physique, was super-strong and super-fit.
Botha was 44, fat, unfit and it had been years since he had fought the likes of Mike Tyson and Evander Holyfield.
But he had been a real professional and Williams was nearly out on his feet when the fight controversially ended.
How would Williams go against an in-his-prime, high-ranked professional?
Professionals don’t throw punches in anger, as footballers do. It’s what they train for – to throw and avoid punches. It’s their job.
Gallen’s bull neck and strength wouldn’t be nearly enough against a real pro.
These celebrity fights more than just degrade a sport that scarcely needs more degrading.
Punches can kill at any time, and certainly amateurs by another name, ill-equipped to absorb them.
When Brett White knocked out Steve Price in a 2009 State-of-Origin match, commentators who should have known better said White could have had a career in the boxing ring.
For a while, anyone who landed a good punch was said to have a potential career in the ring.
As Williams v Botha showed, it ain’t that simple. Perhaps Mal Meninga might have had a career as a heavyweight. He showed a bit of technique before he knocked Mark ‘Jacko’ Jackson down with a left hook in their 2002 charity bout.
Ex-AFL player and heavyweight Jackson had incensed Meninga with inflammatory slurs, and big Mal responded with little charity.
Fortunately, Jackson lived to mouth off another day.
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