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Exclusive: The NRL's new regulations for negotiation and trade

Any contract for Darius Boyd must be written in Wayne Bennett's handwriting. (AAP Image/Action Photographics, Renee McKay)
Expert
5th December, 2014
15

After another week of slipshod cattle trading in Australian rugby league, the NRL has announced it will try to collar the open market with a set of regulations designed to control future inter-league beef transfer.

Up until now, chief executive David Smith has paid full regard to the game’s time-honoured principle of reactiveness by allowing the market to gently descend in to a mild state of chaos before intervening.

It means all stakeholders have had their fair shot at rorting the pliable and somewhat non-existent framework that has previously existed.

However, with scuttlebutt and personal reasons up 45 per cent on last year, not to mention a record-breaking 67 contract offers already coming from Canberra this summer alone, Smith has been forced in to action after realising that trade practices had slumped to levels that are low even by the NRL’s standards.

Thanks to another vintage display of bogus scooping from The Roar, we have managed to obtain a draft copy of the new legislation. As you will see, they aim to flush clean a marketplace that has become criminally opaque, with strong prerequisites set out for greedy players, disingenuous administrators and the shady reptiles of the player agent industry.

NRL trade regulations
By D. Smith and an expensive task focus group

Rules for renewals of contract
A contract extension agreement will be deemed ineligible for registration unless the following requirements are met by all parties throughout the negotiation process.

1. The club must:
a) Table an initial contract offer that is insultingly paltry, below market standard and blamed entirely on salary cap pressures.

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b) Upon rejection of this offer, then make a second adjusted offer of minor improvement, with negotiations stepped up in the public forum via a club administrator stating to a media scrum that ‘the ball’s in their court’.

c) Upon reaching agreement, then make assurances that the player ‘was never leaving’ despite using his car parking space as a bargaining chip in negotiations with other players.

2. The player must:
a) Spend a minimum of seven days linked with an opposition club (see guide below for acceptable suitors).

c) Make a public plea for a quick resolution to the negotiation process, and follow this with an assurance that ‘it won’t be a distraction’ to his team, despite him prolonging the process by digging in for a few extra g’s.

c) Publicly state that he ‘can’t see himself playing anywhere else’ before being sighted on a guided tour of an opposition club ‘just to check out their facilities’.
d) Compel his agent to leak the number of rival suitors chasing his signature using the manager’s formula of the truth multiplied by five, and include in this number any organisation who has made inquiries including amateur clubs and fast-food outlets.

Minimum requirements for links with opposition clubs
No contract will be accepted until sufficient proof of dalliances and grapevining with rivals can be provided, up to and including at least one the following prerequisites:

a) Prior to reaching terms, the player must have spent the customary length of time linked with the Roosters and/or the Raiders, or

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b) In the unlikely event of these two clubs not nibbling, player linkage must be achieved with an alternative suitor appropriate to weight of profile, using the following guide.

Elite profile with high global demand: French rugby

Elite profile with high domestic demand: Brisbane and/or Souths

Reasonable profile and desperate: Australian rugby

Low profile/final contract of career: any remaining NRL club

Criminals with high risk of recidivism: English Super League

Is this guy crackers?: Greater Western Sydney and/or Cronulla

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Rules for new recruits

1. A contract for a new recruit to a club will not be registered with the NRL unless:
a) The player is trumpeted upon his securing as ‘one we’ve had our eyes on for a while’ despite him being 31, bone-on-bone in one knee and playing NSW Cup.

b) The signing is announced via social media prior to the player signing a contract, and

c) The player has signed after reneging on an agreed contract with another club, and has done so after an emotional bonding moment post a premiership win, due to homesickness, or because planes don’t fly when it rains.

2. A contract for a player with a history of criminal activity will not be registered with the NRL unless:
a) It is made clear to the public that he is on his ninth and final chance.

b) That the choice to ban alcohol consumption is left up to the player, despite psychological testing showing he has the decision-making abilities of a toddler, and that his Memorandum of Understanding was signed on the back of a coaster with a Keno pencil,

c) That his contract is lined with conditions relating to discipline-related restrictions that are never made public nor enforced until either sponsors run for the hills, or the club is required to offload personnel to create cap space.

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Under no circumstances will the following contract types be registered:

a) Any contract brought forth from the Gold Coast Titans that doesn’t include a miscalculation and a four-bedroom house.

b) Any contract registering Darius Boyd that doesn’t appear to have been signed in Wayne Bennett’s handwriting.

c) Any ‘clandestine’ deals that have been denied for at least six weeks after reaching ‘worst kept secret’ status.

d) Any contract lodged by Brian Waldron, Todd Carney or Manfred Moore.

Now it’s over to the fine legal minds of The Roar. The NRL needs your help to tidy up an area of the game that has descended to a state where handshake deals trump signed contracts and the excuses of ‘business’ and ‘loyalty’ are interchanged at convenience.

What conditions would you suggest to improve the NRL’s new guidelines for recruitment, retention and cattle trading?

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