All elite athletes need preparation and planning to be truly great in their field. There’s a dedication and willingness that everyday punters never see or understand.
Armchair athletes, often a misunderstood group, need to go to extreme lengths to hone their craft. If you’re a budding amateur, a novice of the art of watching cricket at home, here are a few key suggestions to up your game on the sofa.
Availability
It’s always shocked me that most work places don’t offer specialised leave to couch-bound athletes. There’s a day off in Melbourne for those hobbits on horses, yet us upholstery-straddling champions never have it about us.
As such, it’s important to carefully procure time for our craft from your deposits of sick, carer’s and annual leave. You must endeavour to space out the leave, and perhaps even build recurring reasons. If you are in a role where you can work remotely, just make sure you schedule a few catch-up emails 40 minutes apart throughout the day to keep up appearances.
Attire
Being seated, it’s important to remain comfortable. Given the Aussie heat during the summer of cricket, light colours and airy fabrics are the best choice; it’s the Christmas turkey that should be baked, not you.
Therefore, it’s recommended you wear your Cricket whites whilst watching. Not only will this be the most comfortable option, but given the constant changes to Cricket Australia’s selection policy, you never know when you may get a call up to the national team.
Equipment
Firstly, take the batteries out of the remote. You won’t need to change the channel, and a working remote could only be hazardous as you land after launching yourself out of the seat in celebration of a Mitch five-for!
We suggest you bring your own willow to the viewing. That way, you can demonstrate how those Indian batsmen should have played the 145kph outswinger. Feet to the ball, son!
Team Selection
Being an armchair sportsman is usually an individual discipline. However, come summer, you may wish to drown out the sounds of Ian Healy explaining the ailments of his crooked fingers, and add some teammates to your ranks.
It’s important to know what attributes your peers bring to the table, and to select a team accordingly. For instance, too many statisticians in your midst and you’re suddenly swamped in more numbers than Brett Lee in an Indian singles bar, whilst too many opinion touters will soon have you embroiled in fruitless arguments about the financial validity of Day/Night Tests, and player payments in the Bangladeshi Premier League instead of watching the game.
There is the option of the digital route, where fan forums and live blogs allow you and your cyber team mates to wax lyrical live on the game. If they annoy you, they’re gone with a simple Alt + F4!
Drinks Break
Why do you need a break to go get a drink? That’s why God invented the esky.
Intervals
Your lunch break should not consist of lunch. It should be filled with a review of the session’s statistics, key plays, and Mark Taylor and Nicholas’ dulcet tones. The tea break is your opportunity to use the gents or ladies, that way you don’t have to sit in front of the box and watch in agony as the once great Michael Slater makes a muppet of himself in high definition.
Of course, if there are replays of the best Segway-cameraman bloopers then you may need to hold it in.
Milestone Jinxing
If an Aussie is on a hat-trick ball, 99 or any subsequent large milestones, movement or changes to procedure from the previous ball should immediately be halted. If you end up being the reason that Sid’s second Hat-trick is turned down on appeal, or that Warner shells one to mid-on on 99, just because you felt the need to answer the phone or put out the fire in the kitchen, then Pat Howard will be coming for you!
There you have it, with those few tips you should be well on your way to professional level armchair viewing of this year’s summer of cricket.
By the end of the Sydney Test, you’ll have an indentation in the couch you can truly be proud of, and enough time until the World Cup to see if you can make up with your significant other for spending six weeks on your backside.
Happy viewing!
Welcome to the Home Cricket Ground
KFC, the masters of the Home Cricket Ground, want all cricket lovers to celebrate the best of summer from the comfort of your couch.
Everyone has a bank of great memories built around the cricket over the years, and it’s time to share what makes the Aussie summer so great with the world. It’s great to have the cricket back.
Build your own fantasy cricket team and put it to the test with Draftstars daily fantasy competitions. Pick your match, pick your team and watch the points roll in to take out cash prizes on each match. What are you really gambling with? Set a deposit limit.
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