MS Dhoni woke up with the sun. It was his first day as an ex-Test captain of India. He rolled up the special silk Star of India foot mat the BCCI gifts every captain, and the gold toothbrush his mother gave him.
He was not concerned. The World Cup and Twenty20 captaincy remained and he wanted to win, especially in Australia.
The MCG draw was a good sign. India were on their way back. It was the right time to retire. He felt refreshed, not sad.
He remembered drinks with the Australians at Mount Macedon. Mt Macedon is a cool leafy place, a throw-back to Victoria’s colonialist past. Mahi liked it. It reminded him of his days as a ticket collector on the railways.
Mahi and Virat Kohli led the team to the bar area. It was decked out in Dhoni memorabilia. Steven ‘Trapper’ Smith and the Channel Nine commentary team welcomed them. Ian Chappell could barely contain his enthusiasm.
“Timely decision MSD,” he said.
“When you hear the knock at the door you open it.”
Mahi held no grudges against anyone, except bowlers that leaked runs. He disliked no one, yet he chose his friends carefully. Mahi moved towards the tray of curry pies and sausage rolls, left over from the 24 balls not bowled in the Test, arm in arm with Chappelli and Bill Lawry. Warnie was already there sifting the pile like an opal miner.
Bill saw Warnie shape a bloated grin and realised he had a mouth stuffed with one of the georgeous little beauties.
“You are the greatest Warnie” he said, as he began to prise the loaded plate from Warnie’s grip.
Warnie didn’t mind, he knew Bill loved him. His own grip on the plate tightened until Bill let loose a string of obscenities under his breath including a specious threat to call Richie Benaud in Coogee, and gave the plate a big yank. Warnie demanded a truce. Bill could have one pie without sauce while Warnie called Richie.
“Richie Benaud here. Is that you Tubby you bastard. When is Channel Nine going to fix my bloody car?” he answered
“It’s Warnie, Richie. Warnie.”
“Ahh, Warnie. Are you fixing my bloody car?”
“No Richie. I’m Australia’s greatest spinner.”
“No you prat, that’s me. Richie. I know who you are. Mr Negative. I can smell your red jocks from here. What do you want?”
“It’s Bill, Richie.”
“Tell him to go…”
“No Richie, it’s the party pies.”
“Shit Warnie. Don’t you know Bill gets first choice. First you want my records, then my commentary spot…”
“Bye, Richie.”
Warnie closed the call and said to Bill, “Richie says you can have two more pies and a beer to wash it down”.
“Bugger, is that all. Let me speak to Richie!”
“He’s having a nap before play begins and doesn’t want to be disturbed.”
“But no one is playing today.”
Mahi observed it all without expression. His captaincy was different from Richie’s old car. He hoped Virat would win the Sydney Test, and he would win the World Cup. Party pies are so tasteless.
Mahi moved around the room adding snippets here and there to the general hubbub.
Trapper was talking to Kohli. Virat nodded, “Your declaration was superbly timed”.
“We didn’t think you could survive… any of you,” Trapper smiled.
He had been saving this sledge since the first Test. Virat was taken aback. He looked for Mahi who cocked his head like a greying bull terrier as if to say ‘its your problem now Astro Boy’.
Virat pulled from his back pocket the official BCCI Guide to Match Winning Declarations in the IPL. It was well thumbed. Mahi had added many practical annotations. He read one.
“If you ever happen to be in a match winning position, declare. Pray your good luck continues.”
He ripped out the page.
Trapper grinned and handed over his Captain’s Guide to Sporting Declarations. Michael Clarke had rewritten it for the first time in 15 years. “Don’t declare until Bill complains.”
Virat smiled, “No hard feelings then?”
“None”
Trapper laughed and said, “A ship in the harbour is safe, but that is not what it is built for”. He didn’t know what it meant, he had lifted it from a sponsors add during an over break. Ajinkya Rahane, who was passing by, thought it had something to do with running out your partner, but he wasn’t sure.
The drinks session wound up. Trapper gave a speech praising Mahi as a perfect captain, a winner in India and loser everywhere else. Mahi replied graciously as always. He never heard any sledging while he was captain, he was always behind the stumps wondering why his bowlers couldn’t bowl a single corridor. Maybe it would change now he wasn’t the captain.
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