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With another summer of Test cricket wrapped up – which consequently reduces me to a puddle of tears – it’s time to reflect on what I believe will be a historically underrated series of five-day cricket.
The 2014/15 battle for the Gavaskar-Border trophy had a little bit of everything: sadness and emotion, Tests that went down to the wire, epic batting performances, tension, excellent bowling, drama, controversial declarations, retirements, banter, and plenty of feeling, if not animosity, between the two sides. The only thing really missing was consistent fielding.
Yet I suspect that of all the memories created, the ones that will remain with us the longest will be the batting exploits of the two (eventual) skippers. Specifically, Steve Smith’s coming-out party, and Virat Kohli’s stubborn – yet immensely attractive – resistance to Australia’s bowling.
It was Kohli’s performances – on and off the pitch – that I’d like to concentrate on, for it’s hard to remember a better villain visiting our shores. The elegant number four batsman ticks every conceivable box that a great visiting villain must.
First and foremost, he performed. You simply can’t be a great villain if you play terribly, and Kohli most certainly did not, as evidenced by his four hundreds at an average of 86.50. Yet it’s not just the runs he scored, but the way he did it. Aggressive, attacking and beautiful, his stylish batting was truly a sight to behold.
Though to truly be a villain, you need to be more than just good. You need to be good at getting under the Australian players and fan’s skins. You need to be prickly, to sledge, to be fiery and emotional. You need to give as good as you get, if not better.
You need to have the crowd chanting your name, with the word ‘wanker’ antagonistically attached to it.
Additionally, being cheeky, good looking and filthy rich – while not necessarily being villain mandatories – certainly aid your cause.
As everyone is aware by now, Kohli was all this and more. And like other great villains, such as Heath Ledger’s Joker, and Hans Gruber from Die Hard, you actually can’t help but kind of love him. I certainly did. I love everything that he brought to this Test series.
I’ll stop short of calling him an ‘honorary Australian’, which I’ve always found slightly condescending and arrogant, but there is no question that the way Kohli plays his cricket endears him to many an Australian fan.
Which all naturally raises the question: is Kohli the greatest villain to visit our shores?
Let’s cast an eye over the other contenders.
Just before we begin, and before someone nominates him, Shane Watson is sadly ineligible, for he lives in Australia and therefore can’t technically be a ‘visitor’. Which is strange, because the level of vitriol against Watson – which, I have to say, has reached the ‘utterly ridiculous’ level – would normally see him qualify and poll strongly.
Also, it’s hard to adjudicate on how much of a villain someone was if you never witnessed first-hand the emotions that they elicited from Australians. So while I’m sure a great case could be made for Douglas Jardine, Harold Larwood or others, they were just a little before my time.
Arjuna Ranatunga:
I’m not sure ‘disliked’ is a strong enough word when describing the ex-Sri Lankan captain. Overweight, wristy, political, out-spoken, master sledger, pusher-of-boundaries, whinger and just a general pest, the portly skipper made few friends on his tours to Australia. Though immensely unpopular, what counts against him is that apart from the World Cup Final in 1996 – which was played in Pakistan – he rarely beat Australia, or scored big runs.
Richard Hadlee:
A magnificent swing ball bowler and handy batsman, Hadlee certainly has the ‘talented’ qualifications for this list. Yet what sees him rank a little higher than most is the fact he had little love for Australian crowds, unleashing on them in one infamous press conference. His comments, and world-class ability, regularly earned him the obligatory ‘Hadlee is a wanker’ chant, and thus a place high on this list.
Javed Miandad:
Anyone who aggressively swings the bat at an all-time Australian legend like Dennis Lillee – we’ll ignore the fact that DK gave him a little kick first – deserves to be on this list. Javed certainly got under the skin of Aussie players, but his villain status was somewhat dulled by the 12th Man, Billy Birmingham, who famously re-worked his name. I don’t even like Vegemite, but I still love that gag, and it softened any dislike we had for the Pakistani great.
Harbhajan Singh:
For mine, Kohli’s biggest competition for the crown. He bowled well against Australia, and ‘owned’ Ricky Ponting. He taunted, he sledged, and he didn’t back down. Yet just one term provides all the ammunition one needs to nominate him as one of the greatest villain to visit our shores: ‘Monkey-gate’.
Andrew Flintoff:
Before the 2005 Ashes series, when he simultaneously destroyed Australia, and won our hearts with his sportsmanship, he was primed to be a great visiting villain. A match-winning, lippy, chavvy, pint swilling, soccer hooligan, he had a lot of bases covered. Alas, he won us over before he ever really toured here full-time, and when you then captain a team that gets hammered 5-0, you become even harder to hate.
Sourav Ganguly:
He kept Steve Waugh waiting at the coin toss. He flipped the bird at Aussie supporters. He flayed Australian bowlers with impunity through the off-side. He was aggressive. He was captain of an Indian team that defeated arguably the greatest Test cricket side of all-time. So he ticks a lot of boxes. Unfortunately, most, if not all of that, happened while he was in India. He had the potential to be a great villain, but like India’s Test team in general, his villainy didn’t travel to it’s potential.
Viv Richards:
Though his ability to beat Australia with his dominating, powerful and arrogant batting displays should see the gum-chewing Master Blaster rate well in this debate, the truth is, he was just too damn cool. You could never imagine Bay 13 starting a ‘Viv is a wanker’ chant, because, well . . . he wasn’t.
Kevin Pietersen:
KP would be the first name most Australians mention, and his nomination has a lot of merit: supremely talented, match-winner, intimidating, arrogant, chirpy, aloof, rude. Yet, personally, there is something almost endearing about him. However, what really knocks KP out of the running is the fact he’s essentially a bigger villain in his own country than he is Down Under. He’s more of a weird egg than an outright villain.
Curtly Ambrose:
Tall, fast and menacing. Combine his uncanny natural bounce with his intimidating scowl, and he was Australian cricket’s Darth Vader. He kept a distance from opponents during his career, in order to increase a sense of hostility and fear, yet with the way he sent down thunderbolt after thunderbolt in awkward areas, he was always going to be scary, no matter what. To the best of my knowledge he never received ‘the’ chant; probably because fans were too petrified to yell it at him. That puts him in a category of villain all by himself.
Hansie Cronje:
Ball tampering allegations. Throwing a stump through the umpire’s door. Hitting Warney for a massive six, and then telling him about it. Cronje definitely had his moments in Australia. However, his villain status takes on a darker, more sinister narrative given the way he ultimately left the game. It also lifted him well above just an ‘enemy’ of Australia.
Sachin Tendulkar:
It’s a shame The Little Master gave the impression of being an angel for most of his career, because post-retirement – and depending on whom you believe – he was actually a sneaky, political, conniving, manipulative, nasty piece of work, who was allegedly prone to stretching the truth just a little bit. Or a lot. Whomever the real Sachin is, his batting prowess in not in question, and during his playing days he was a class act who did little to rankle opponents or fans. So he’s not really in the same ballpark as some of these other great visiting villains.
I’m sure I’ve missed a few, and Roarers will no doubt remind me, but after reviewing this list, I think Kohli thoroughly deserves the crown as ‘greatest visiting villain’, and I thoroughly look forward to him touring here again.