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We were all pretty average last week, or to shift the blame appropriately, the favourites we picked were pretty average.
Yeah, that feels better – why should it be our fault if teams can’t win a simple game of football as required?
Of course, where it gets interesting is our flow-on tentativeness come Round 2.
Was the Rebels’ win away or the Waratahs’ loss at home the anomaly to ignore? How do we pick between the effective Chiefs boosted by returning All Blacks or the clinical but David Pocock-less Brumbies? Sharks or Lions in Durban?
Karmichael Hunt charged with supplying cocaine
For the record, the honours were shared in Round 1, with Digger, Elisha, Spiro, and I marginally less rubbish than Biltong and Paddy.
Oh Paddy, “I believe in the power of Karmichael…” That was a good one!
Spiro Zavos
Tips: Chiefs, Waratahs, Bulls, Highlanders, Force, Stormers, Sharks (powerplay).
“Last week I went for the favourites and, in the main, with the home sides. I am mixing it up a bit more this week. But let’s face it, the form of some of the fancied sides (the Waratahs and the Crusaders) has been so bad, and for the unfancied sides (the Hurricanes, Western Force, and the Rebels) so good that there is a confusing situation regarding which side to pick in several of the contests.
“I am going for the Chiefs, Bulls and Sharks, though, almost entirely because they are playing at home. And for this round, at least, I am keeping faith with the Waratahs.”
Elisha Pearce
Tips: Chiefs, Waratahs, Bulls, Highlanders, Force, Stormers (PP), Sharks.
“Well last week made me look like the rustiest version of an expert you could come by. Far from hitting my straps early, I’m content to wind up slowly, like the Tahs will.
“Chiefs will be too good for the Brumbies in New Zealand, but it should be close. I’m going with the Waratahs after they spend three days with their tails between their legs. Bulls to get their season started against a team travelling for the second week. Highlanders to win at home in the South Island derby – that is always worth tuning in for. Then the Force to get their second five-point round.
“Stormers to topple the Blues, and they get my powerplay, because I’m an idiot and the Sharks drown the Lions in their tank.”
Diggercane
Tips: Brumbies, Waratahs, Hurricanes, Highlanders, Force, Stormers, Sharks (PP).
“I am filthy this week on the Crusaders who recklessly frittered my powerplay away, so I am picking the Highlanders out of pure spite. I expect the superstar Tahs to pull their finger out in Melbourne or face having said finger broken by Michael Cheika. The irresistible Force will prove unstoppable in Brisbane, and the Stormers will have too much power and cohesion for the disjointed Blues on the Cape.
“The Sharks will prove that cats don’t like water this week in the shark tank, after the exception to the rule last round, and have been awarded the privilege of my powerplay.
“In what promises to be the match of the round, between the Brumbies and Chiefs in hardcore Taranaki, I find myself unable to settle on one or the other with any real conviction. Despite Pocock’s absence, I am going for the Ponies based on last week’s sterling performance, and also because I suspect some of the big kahunas in the Chiefs will be underdone for a match of this intensity.
“And most importantly, the majestic Hurricanes will shake Pretoria to its very core as they reduce the once prize Bulls to livestock put out to pasture in a back field somewhere by the Limpopo River.”
Brett McKay
Tips: Chiefs, Rebels, Bulls (PP), Crusaders, Force, Stormers, Lions.
“Hell hath no fury like a tipster scorned, and especially a tipster who operates in the public domain.
“Be gone from my sight Waratahs and Sharks, you won’t be required this week. It’s not that I’m super-confident about the Rebels and Lions, either; I just have my borderline irrational principles. Bulls and Crusaders get the benefit of the doubt, and while I was tempted to throw the powerplay on the Force too, I’ve gone all in on the Bulls just because I’m following Digger in the order.
“Stormers have always been my favourite South Africa team, and all previous comments about them this year are hereby rescinded.
“The game I’m most nervous about is the first. The cavalry coming back for the Chiefs in the ‘Naki makes them a dangerous prospect against the Brumbies sans-Pocock.”
Biltongbek
Tips: Chiefs, Waratahs, Bulls, Crusaders, Reds, Stormers (PP), Sharks.
“Now that the ice has broken, things should only get better from here.
“It is important not to allow the upsets of last weekend take one’s focus away, so Waratahs, Bulls and Crusaders to redeem themselves. Not sure about the Reds, but if they don’t pull it back this week, I expect them to have a horror season.
“I am almost too embarrassed to pick a powerplay; like Brett suggested this week, teams refusing to follow the script makes tipping a tough ask. I’ll close my eyes and pick the Stormers.”
Patrick Effeney
Tips: Brumbies, Waratahs, hurricanes, Crusaders, Reds, Stormers, Sharks (PP).
“Having quickly discovered myself as the Peter FitzSimons of this competition, I must relish my position of last on the ladder. To do that, I’ll select the Brumbies over the Chiefs, Waratahs over the Rebels and Hurricanes over the Blues. Arguably, all are roughies.
“Only an idiot would pick the Reds after last week, so I’ll go ahead and do that, while the Crusaders, Stormers, and Sharks round out my tips. The Sharks can have my powerplay. I guess.
“I’ll be down the bottom of the ladder (but having a great time) if anyone needs me.”
The summary
| Round 2 | Biltongbek | Diggercane | Patrick Effeney | Brett McKay | Elisha Pearce | Spiro Zavos |
| Overall | 2 | 3 | 2 | 3 | 3 | 3 |
| Last week | 2 | 3 | 2 | 3 | 3 | 3 |
| CHI v BRU | Chiefs | Brumbies | Brumbies | Chiefs | Chiefs | Chiefs |
| REB v WAR | Waratahs | Waratahs | Waratahs | Rebels | Waratahs | Waratahs |
| BUL v HUR | Bulls | Hurricanes | Hurricanes | Bulls | Bulls | Bulls |
| HIG v CRU | Crusaders | Highlanders | Crusaders | Crusaders | Highlanders | Highlanders |
| RED v FOR | Reds | Force | Reds | Force | Force | Force |
| STO v BLU | Stormers | Stormers | Stormers | Stormers | Stormers | Stormers |
| SHA v LIO | Sharks | Sharks | Sharks | Lions | Sharks | Sharks |
| POWERPLAY | Stormers | Sharks | Sharks | Bulls | Stormers | Sharks |
| BYE | Cheetahs |