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Zoological wisdom states that a pack of hungry young cubs are unstoppable when goaded by the scent of mothballs, and it’s for this reason that the mighty Blues are the certainty of the century on Wednesday night.
From every angle, Laurie Daley’s men are younger, faster, smarter and more scientifically-tuned than Mal Meninga’s infirm bunch of fogies, a team embarrassingly fading as well as being hotly pursued by ASADA over claims of Caltrate abuse.
Full State of Origin wrap:
>> ORIGIN 1 MATCH REPORT
>> FULL ORIGIN RESULTS
>> Live blog and highlights
Provided the visitors haven’t nodded-off come the 10.45pm kickoff, the Blues will proceed to give it to them large, ultimately taking a precious 1-0 advantage to Melbourne and sending the visitor’s golden era one game closer to sweet, sugary, glorious oblivion.
But it’s not only the battle of the birth certificate and the moral high ground where the Blues have the edge, they’ve also whomped the Maroons in the laboratory. All conducted on-site and totally legally, of course.
Daley and his physicists have spent the week strapping their charges with arm patches, shrinking them in cryotherapy chambers and recording the whole thing on a state-of-the-art data management system provided as a hand-me-down from an Alabama high school football program.
Not only does this rare piece of technology contain 50 retro arcade games that can be accessed with a special code, it will also give the coach readings on player anxiety levels at kick-off, critical fatigue indicators at half-time and what Josh Morris will smell like in 2019.
It’s the kind of innovation and professionalism that makes Meninga’s breezy and boozy ball-work operations look like a Mom and Pop hobby store where every expense has been spared.
In saying this, the week’s buildup hasn’t been completely flawless for the Blues. Many pundits are concerned that Daley’s men will struggle to fire a shot without their best player from last year, but in all honesty, the team has well and truly moved on from James McManus.
There’s a new breed ready to take the state forward led by Josh Dugan, a man who has the trust of an entire state despite sporting the image of a small-time criminal. His story as a chronic sufferer of syndesmosis who beat the odds is sure to inspire the boys to great heights.
And let’s not forget the hulking Blues bench. It’s the biggest thing I’ve ever seen, and I’ve been on safari. Compared to Queensland’s, it’s like sitting a monster truck next to a hairdresser’s hatchback, and frankly it borders on the inhumane.
With a passionate mobile command unit up-front being complemented by these leviathans, I can’t wait to see what Trent Hodkinson, Mitchell Pearce and the single-minded Robbie Farah can produce. One thing’s for sure, there’ll be no shortage of cooks in this broth.
On the other side of the ledger, Queensland’s team is depressingly predictable and their preparation woefully blighted.
It’s the same tired old names, some putting individual interests and financial gain ahead of the jumper by fronting up for one year too many. Dare I say it, some of these so-called legends have severely overdosed on the Vitamin I.
They continue to block youngsters by continually making themselves available for an operation that has degraded into an irresistible jaunt, grimly hanging on for one final self-poured beer or Stilnox party before time closes in.
Adding to the mess, huge chunks of Queensland taxpayer funds have been wasted on a health system choked up by their brittle personnel, while some of the other blokes have simply lost the plot. Just look at Justin Hodges; the coach asks him to drop one on the boot, so he goes ahead and kicks a Malvern Star.
Is this a team fit for a game of footy? Or a community transport bus that has taken a wrong turn? I know the answer, and man, it feels exciting.
Put the cartons upon cartons of victorious coconut water on ice, because tonight it’s all Sky Blue up in here!