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Countdown to the 2015 Netball World Cup: Key Rivals

Romelda Aiken for the Queensland Firebirds. (AAP Image/Ben Macmahon)
Expert
2nd July, 2015
8

With the Australian Diamonds team named last week, the Netball World Cup is fast becoming a reality and the chance of it all being a very vivid, mass hallucination is growing less and less likely with each passing day.

So with that in mind, let’s take a look at each of the teams aiming to come to our country and steal the World Cup from its rightful owners.

Malawi (current world ranking: fifth)
No, you didn’t read that wrong, I really said Malawi. These guys are a thing in netball. Just go with me on this.

Malawi captured the hearts of netball fans everywhere when they burst on to the scene at the 2006 Commonwealth Games in Melbourne. While their victory celebrations after beating South Africa by a single goal were memorable (a great deal of rolling on the floor was involved) it was their game against New Zealand that caused the most delight.

New Zealand, of course, play a zone-style defence, where each player marks a space on court, rather than the Australian style of closely matching up on players. When they deployed their legendary zone against Malawi, the Malawi players looked quite bemused and proceeded to simply make simple, short passes back and forth, without really attempting to progress the ball towards their goal post.

After it became apparent that they could probably do this all day, New Zealand became increasingly frustrated and eventually had to resort to playing one-on-one defence in order to force a turnover.

Any team who can annoy New Zealand in such a significant way is certainly worth their salt in the netballing world, so we will take great pleasure in welcoming Malawi to Sydney this August.

Despite the presence of the exciting and dynamic Mwai Kumwenda at goal shooter, in reality this team will not be stealing the World Cup from under our very noses. But they will do their best to make their way up the ladder and are in with a shot if any of the top four underperform.

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Jamaica (current world ranking: fourth)
This bunch of upstarts have already got one over the Diamonds in the lead up to the World Cup, sneakily naming Queensland Firebirds’ goal shooter Romelda Aiken in their team.

While yes, she is technically Jamaican, it doesn’t seem fair that just because of so-called ‘citizenship’ she is playing for them and not us. Why, just last week, rumour has it that she was seen walking down Caxton Street in footy shorts, thongs and a singlet humming ‘You’re the Voice’ by John Farnham under her breath. I rest my case.

Unfortunately, the rest of the Jamaican team is definitely Jamaican and also very good at netball. The likelihood of them being World Cup thieves is fairly small, but on their day they can do some pretty significant damage and will have a good chance of making the top three – hopefully at the expense of England.

England (current world ranking: third)
The main problem with Australian netball fans, as I see it, is that an awful lot of them seem to have a soft spot for the England team.

As England have never quite been up there with Australia and New Zealand at major tournaments, people mistakenly see them as underdogs and want to support them as it will be ‘good for netball’. This needs to stop immediately. If your country invented the sport, you don’t qualify for underdog status. No matter how hilariously you mess up at every possible opportunity.

England have assembled a team that is, in theory, pretty good. On paper, it could even be a World Cup winning team. However, knowing England, it’s more likely they could use this paper to win the World Cup of Paper Aeroplane Making than translate that potential into Netball World Cup winning.

Though they will probably go close to beating Australia and New Zealand along the way, at some point they will find a way to England it up and end up finishing fourth. Or maybe even fifth if they figure out a way to score own goals in netball.

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New Zealand (current world ranking: second)
Just like a little sister who insists on dressing in matching outfits with her big sister, New Zealand decided it would be fun to take Australia’s lead in announcing their team, by informing the players and then waiting a stupid number of hours before making the official announcement.

Thus, when they named their team, everyone in New Zealand glanced up for about five seconds, said ‘Duh, I already knew that’ and went back to hand cranking their electrical boxes and mispronouncing their vowels.

However, the New Zealand selectors weren’t content to leave their copying there and decided to show Australia just how you go about making shock selections. Normally known for their propensity to exclusively pick players who are eligible for the pensioner specials at the RSL club, this World Cup team has an average age of just 27.

The Central Pulse pair of Joline Henry (32) and Liana Leota (30) was left out, much to the shock of Joline Henry and Liana Leota.

The exclusion of 28-year-old Cathrine Latu, however, seems to be more about form than age, with the goal shooter struggling against Australian defenders during the ANZ Championship.

This is a fairly unpredictable team, featuring uncapped players and new combinations, but while some are saying they’ll be playing off for third, I say never write off a New Zealand team at a major tournament.

Gossip and controversies
Netball has a reputation for being squeaky clean, but in the weeks leading up to the World Cup I will do my best to debunk that myth, with some truly controversial tales from around the netball world.

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This week has given us a couple of real doozies – guaranteed to make you shake your head in disgust at what these troublesome netball players get up to off the court.

Firstly, to Melbourne, where the Australian Diamonds goal shooter Caitlin Bassett was kicked out of the QANTAS Lounge!

So what dastardly deeds did Ms Bassett get up to in order to have this dishonour bestowed on her? Was she drunk? Disorderly? Abusing staff? Throwing shoes? All of the above?

No, it seems her crime was wearing leggings and sneakers, which weren’t deemed to comply with the QANTAS Club’s dress code.

Well that’s just… just… really boring actually, Caitlin. Lift your game, mate! Have a chat to some footballers and have another go at that one.

OK, here’s a better one. New Zealand World Cup hopeful Temalisi Fakahokotau was glassed this week. On her hand, but still – glassed! Needed surgery and everything.

Oh, hang on, she was glassed by a blender. While making a smoothie.

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Never mind that then, let’s try again next week.

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