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Like many rugby fans, I can’t wait for this year’s World Cup. For the first time in a long time, the Wallabies have an almost injury-free roster and the availability of previously ineligible stalwarts of Australian rugby – Dean Mumm, welcome home.
It’s hard not to get excited about the squad Michael Cheika has picked. There is immense quality across the park and depth in almost every position.
The absence of the two Ben(n)s is probably the greatest news in Australian rugby since George Gregan’s overdue retirement.
Unlike his predecessor, Cheika isn’t afraid to appear biased. He hasn’t gone out of his way to select players from other franchises as Ewen McKenzie did. On the contrary, he didn’t just stop at the current Warratah’s squad, past and present were all welcome to the party with the inclusion of Drew Mitchell, the aforementioned Mumm, and Kane Douglas pending.
What I really can’t fathom is why he picked Stephen Moore as captain when he’s clearly not an 80-minute player, or a Waratah.
Fortunately sanity prevailed in his vice-captain selections with both Michael Hooper and Adam Ashley-Cooper named as Moore’s deputies.
‘Two-dads’, as he’s often affectionately referred to here on The Roar, may not have a wealth of on-field leadership experience, but off the field there’s no one better to have in your corner than Ashley-Cooper when a few harmless texts go astray. Except maybe his mum.
And Michael Hooper. Another stalwart of solidarity in the Australian team, Hooper is the epitome of Australian rugby. No player encompasses our obsession with backs and running rugby more than Hooper.
His revolutionary approach to the game has redefined the role of the openside flanker and proved once and for all that backs are more important than forwards. To think that all these years Richie, George and David thought it was important to win turnovers or slow-down the opposition’s ball at the ruck. Silly billies. They should’ve spent more time doing beach sprints.
Another role re-defining pillar of Cheika’s revolutionary squad is the playmaker that doesn’t make plays. Enter one Bernard Foley. This often misunderstood creative genius necessitates the need for a second playmaker at No. 12 due to his elusive lack of play in the No. 10 channel.
This was brutally exposed in 2015’s Super Rugby semi-finals when the absence of said second playmaker left the defending champions completely one-dimensional in attack, and robbed them of a shot at back-to-back titles.
Rest assured, Cheika won’t let this happen again. He’s sure to play a playmaking playmaker outside his non-playmaking playmaker from now on.
Inside this dynamic duo of course will be the halfback that can’t pass. Australia has a wealth of talent in this position with Nick Phipps, Nic White and Will Genia all capable of fluffing quick ball with either slow or just simply poor passing.
In the event that the ball does actually make its way out wide, it’ll be straight into the bread basket of Cheika’s newest revolutionary position – the fat winger.
The fat winger has a top speed just shy of the quickest I can walk backwards, and the acceleration of a tug boat. Agility and other such qualities that were characteristics of wingers past are apparently no longer required, as long as the fat winger has enough of the good stuff (fat) to be unstoppable about five metres out from the line.
Opposition coaches will no doubt be bamboozled by these revolutionary positions created by Cheika and I can’t wait to see how they fare. God speed Wallabies.
Join The Roar rugby editor Christy Doran, former Wallaby Matt Toomua and a cast of regular and special guests as they look at the biggest issues in the game on The Roar Rugby Podcast. If you’re looking for great odds on the next game check out Aussie bookmaker PlayUp. Chances are you’re about to lose. Set a deposit limit.