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As some states more than others can attest, the elevated stage of State of Origin can be a crude and judgmental wench, and Wednesday night proved again she cares not for sentiment or repute. She makes or breaks, but who has she made or broken in 2015?
We all know how it works. Regardless of your standing in club land, the litres of smoke the media has blown up your backside or your level of desire to set the world on fire, Origin will always have the ability to set you on your arse.
On the other hand, abide by her table manners and jump at her command, and you could be the next John Doe turned the crème de la crème of the upper crust.
In her 35 years of separating the stallions from the Shetlands, she has gilded great names and limited careers, all under various guises of a range of alcohol sponsorships.
So who’s the beneficiaries and the buffaloed in Origin’s two-speed appraisal for 2015?
Who will ‘come back from camp a more improved player’ and who will ‘not come back from camp at all’? Who will be swearing with dignitaries and who will be swearing at dignitaries? Whose value’s now inflated and who’s having lunch with Steve Turner?
I’ve diligently fossicked to turn up some of the playaz and the passengers from an Origin series that truly was stacks Origin.
Winners
Will Chambers
OK, after the horrendous scenes of Wednesday night and the preceding years of torture, I acknowledge that picking winners from Queensland is an exercise akin to squashing ants in a shoebox. So to make it look like I actually watch football, I’ve gone for a few lesser lights from an outfit that makes me wish there was a salary cap at state level.
Depressingly, the super-duper Chambers is ranked as a ‘lesser light’.
The Storm speedster burst on to the scene in his Game 3 debut last year, but in 2015 he has catapulted to a new level of horsepower. This series has firmly established the winger-now-centre as one of the game’s premier outside backs, thus erasing any memory of his time at the Queensland Reds.
For this standout performance in the interstate arena, his coaching staff must also credited. So well done, Craig Bellamy.
Corey Parker
As a man who enjoys second-phase play and the clean-cut elegance of a GQ magazine man, I must say that I thoroughly enjoy the later career works of Parker. On the other hand, as a man from New South Wales, I much prefer his younger, balder and much less-effective earlier years.
Salt and pepper, red wine, etc.
Josh Dugan
Shining out through the Blue wreckage is the Dragon fullback’s now extra-glossy reputation. While his stature as a big game player has copped a boost, does he ever play a full 80 without ailment? I reckon he could chain smoke for a decade and it would knock less years off his life.
Yes, Dugan is always limping, wincing or pressing his hand to a major organ as if trying to prevent a tattoo from peeling off, but he always kept resurfacing to make the tough runs. Resembling a multi-coloured panel-beaten Skyline in retirement will be well worth my passing praise.
The MCG
We all mused coming in to Game 2; how would Melbourne cope with the raw boofy power of rugby league?
Being a ground purpose-built purely for international rules fixtures as its name suggests, it was natural that everyone was concerned. But in the end, we all ended up looking like dill pickles.
The MCG project was a raging success as Melbournians flocked to buy-in to the event on the condition it was strictly a novelty. Surely it now begs the question; why the one match every blue moon?
I say give them three a year. There’s more seats, and better yet it’s closer than travelling to ANZ Stadium.
Punching
Scoundrel conduct in the Daily Telegraph versus Courier Mail undercard bout seemed to produce a high level of faux animosity between the two sides.
Luckily for the soccer mums and the wowsers, this manifested itself in to nothing more than a rolling scrummage of shirt-straightening and kitten-slaps, resulting in a 0.17 percent increase in participation and memberships and a minuscule reduction in social media outrage.
However, the purists were left yearning for Cattledog, and with every handbags moment in the middle the value of a knuckle sandwich increased like a rare Bernie Gurr footy card.
Losers
Will Hopoate
Yes, I speak ill of a man of the cloth, so I understand if the Lord must strike down upon me. If he chooses to do so, I hope he is gentle as I have just had my back waxed.
But if it’s any consolation to you up there, Jeebers, you won’t have to waste energy on preaching to the masses about the Son of John having a series that you couldn’t hear over a pin drop.
As his rogue father began the long road to resurrecting his public image with gentle incremental increases in his clownish cable TV career, Brother Hopoate was labouring as a meat-minced butter-fingers in early set carries.
Minor impact means he hasn’t passed the pub test this year, but he’ll be back (and I’m not just saying that so God doesn’t give me rickets).
Mitchell Pearce
Contentious bone alert. Now please hear me out before you all go bacterial.
The Rooster half enjoyed fresh territory in Origin this year – nine weeks of life in early winter not being compared to sink hair. In fact, before his side of the field was paddock-bashed for countless tries in Brisbane, many would attest that he was one of the Blues’ best across the series.
But despite his composed presence and 9pm bedtimes, where does he go now that he’s ably piloted his team for a zero return? It’s a cloudy issue that I’m sure will be calmly discussed by the inevitable lynch mobs usually seen traipsing across New South Wales after any Origin series from 2006-present.
I fear he could be an undeserved candidate for collateral again, thus spiralling him in to an existential crisis which sees him quit football to become the lead singer in a cover band on the RSL circuit.
Daly Cherry-Evans
In the interest of balance, I have found room for a Queenslander. This is because all of my Origin articles are non-biased, plus I get the opportunity to call somebody in Maroon a loser.
With a series fettered by reneging, revolting and rejection, one must say it was an overall loss for DCE. His colours were lowered somewhat both on and off the field, which probably upset him until he realised he could buy Micronesia.
Considering his chilly relationship with Johnathan Thurston, I’m backing him to return and thrive in a Maroons environment that will feel just like Manly.
The citizens of New South Wales
We genuinely thought this was going to happen this year. We thought we could taste Dom Perignon, but instead it was bloody Kool-Aid.
As the scoreboard skyrocketed on Wednesday, all I could think of was Paula Abdul and an animated cat.
“Two steps forward, two steps back.”
Man, she really knows what’s up when it comes to Origin.
Pre-match entertainment
When there’s a showpiece game of league, it can only mean one thing: somebody is bound to humiliate themselves by making noise in the 30 minutes prior to kick-off, and this year was no different.
While face was saved in the final two games with a party CD and some oyster lights, it was the ‘Massacre of Homebush’ in the first game where careers were murdered.
The brutal annihilation of Angry Anderson’s tender poetry in front of an aghast crowd of onlookers proved that the game will forever be preordained to butchering musical acts regardless of ability. A collaboration between Bruce Springsteen and the Beatles wouldn’t be immune.
Free advice. Next time, just hire the Delltones or an album of 1980s panpipe powerballads and use the money saved to buy the kids some goal posts.