How lucky can a guy get? Not only did an invitation to speak at a conference in Cairns coincide with the off week between the Super Rugby final and the start of the Rugby Championship, I find myself in the tropical north at the same time Melbourne succumbs to a winter freeze.
Happily I prove capable of handling the stress of deciding which t-shirt to match with my shorts and jandals, and take time out to reflect on others equally blessed with good fortune. Like Gary Ablett Jr for example.
The Gold Coast Suns are camped in the same hotel, cannily selected for the absence of a Dominos Pizza carpark lurking within easy dealing distance.
I consider asking the son of god for a selfie, but to be frank I’m not overly taken with his ‘work in progress’ hipster beard. Plus selfies aren’t really my style, and Gaz and other players are already more than obliging to fans. Meanwhile, Japanese families and groups of high decibel American pensioners watch on, wondering what all the fuss is about.
It’s borderline unfair to label Ablett as lucky – children of famous people often struggle to overcome an upbringing which is far from normal. And whatever football genes he did inherit from his father, it is one thing to be handed a silver spoon, another thing altogether to take advantage of it.
Suns coach Rodney ‘Rocket’ Eade seems to have successfully cracked down on anti-social behaviour, I observe no overt drug use in the hotel foyer. Evidently the players identified to police as keeping company with Karmichael Hunt and Harley Bunnell – potentially up to another six to eight teammates according to some reports – do not represent a drug culture but a statistical outlier.
Obviously you need a minimum of 10 players to constitute a culture.
The 60 Minutes crew hiding in the bushes outside are disappointed when, instead of the players being ferried to training in two separate buses, one marked ‘Cokeheads’ and the other ‘God Squad’, the team files onto a single coach as one, with not a bible nor a rolled up hundred dollar bill in sight.
Saturday breakfast is notable for the front page of The Australian sports section trumpeting the “scandal” surrounding Cameron Smith which, given the actual events, seems more than a little sensationalist and inaccurate.
A glance at the back page of The Courier Mail quickly restores the balance, their headline a decidedly more correct reading: “Our Smithy Will Have Last Laugh Over Disgraceful Channel Nine Hatchet Job.”
Let’s hope Smith and Alex McKinnon eventually make their peace, and all associated with the execrable 60 Minutes one day wake up to themselves.
It’s too early to determine how lucky Kane Douglas is, caught in a tug of war between the ARU and Irish rugby, led from the front by feisty Irish rugby stalwart David O’Nucifora.
At issue is the convenient opportunity to bolster Australia’s thin second row stakes by dropping Douglas back into a Super Rugby contract with the Reds, and thus availability for the Wallabies, all the while keeping within the ARU’s own new eligibility rules.
Douglas for his part is claiming a release from his Leinster contract on the grounds of permanent compassionate leave, because his girlfriend is having a baby and wants to live closer to her family in Brisbane. Sounds less like compassionate grounds and more like a lifestyle choice to me.
If Douglas can pull that off, have the ARU pay a reported king’s ransom of 250,000 euros compensation to Leinster, and then find himself straight back on the plane as part of Michael Cheika’s World Cup squad, he should seriously consider changing his name by deed poll to David Copperfield.
All Blacks coach Steve Hansen also struck it lucky, being anointed honorary chief or matai of the Samoan village of Viala.
While cynics might point to Hansen arranging a convenient escape route should his side fail at the Rugby World Cup, faced with the choice of a hostile New Zealand press on return, or a lifetime of unlimited whole roasted pig and ‘ava on tap, Hansen is one smart cookie.
Smarter of course will be to ensure that his side actually wins the cup, although many are already rushing to write off his All Blacks in the wake of their scrappy nine-point win against a very willing Samoa.
This was certainly a poor performance, littered with handling errors and tactical hesitancy. But anyone reading too much into it is getting way ahead of themselves. There were many new combinations, and some players well short of match practice, Jerome Kaino for one, playing his first match for 10 weeks.
On top of that, the temperature and humidity were stifling, the ground hard and narrow, and the Samoans salivating at the opportunity to put on bone jarring defence in front of their historic home crowd. This was always going to be a case of get in, fly the goodwill flag, and get out without injuries being a good result for the All Blacks.
That said, there is no question that Hansen will demand an immediate uplift for the Rugby Championship.
Balance will again need to be found between a willingness to shift the ball wide and susceptibility to a rushing defence knocking them over behind the midfield advantage line.
Shane Watson is considered by many as lucky to hold down a permanent place in the Australian cricket team, although 29 Test lbw dismissals surely points to bad luck with umpires rather than any technical flaw. Or wearing pads with ‘bowl here’ written across the front.
Before anyone jumps in to criticise Watson for a selfish waste of team referrals, understand that television distorts reality – for example it makes people look taller than they really are. Thus it’s entirely plausible that what looks like a plumb lbw decision to the rest of the world, Watson would expect ball tracker to show as simultaneously missing leg, going over the top and taking an inside edge.
At least his second innings total of 19 won’t hurt his average, it’s pretty close to being right on the number.
Just like New South Wales’ one-year reign as State of Origin champions, all good things must eventually come to an end, and so it is with reluctance and trepidation I check out of this 27-degree hell hole and head for home.
Hotel reception confirms that the airport has reopened, following an evacuation scare after a man doused himself with a flammable fluid inside the terminal.
I wonder quietly if it was coach Eade, distraught at his Suns leaking an astonishing 10 final-quarter goals, gifting a surprise win to the Western Bulldogs. It seems Dogs coach Luke Beveridge is really the lucky one this weekend.
Beveridge’s luck soon runs out, however. With the Dogs on the same flight south I take the opportunity to chat to him on the long walk from the Virgin Lounge to the plane. A more unassuming and modest bloke you’d be hard pressed to find, and it’s clear that the Dogs’ good fortune this year is less to do with good fortune than good management.
I don’t fancy the icy blast which awaits when the aircraft door swings opens on arrival at Tullamarine. But to walk into a warm house just in time to catch Nathan Friend passing through his legs while upside down, and Shaun Johnson turning on his party trick ‘in and away’ move, will do me just fine.
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