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English cricket has faced a backlash in recent days, with an apparent break in tradition behind the tension.
Many older English fans expected a sweeping overhaul of their national side following a heavy defeat in the second Test, and were disappointed to see only one change made to the squad for the following match.
Chairman of the Cockfosters Cricket Club, Lord Henry Frothington-Trench, has written a sternly worded letter to the English Cricket Board, demanding the resignation of Andrew Strauss, Trevor Bayliss and Alastair Cook following the recent selection farce.
“It’s just not cricket”, said Lord Frothington-Trench. “One expects the gatekeepers of our great game to continue the English tradition of culling at least half the side, along with at least one administrator and coach after a loss. If one cannot rely on a panicked overreaction to one defeat, what hope do we have of saving Test cricket?”
The esteemed chairman is believed to be considering submitting his own proposal to the ECB for an dramatic revamp of the English setup, which would involve the selection of Graham Gooch, Michael Atherton, Alec Stewart and others for the remainder of the series.
Not all heavy hitters in English cricket are calling for a return to tradition, however. Duke Andrew Flintoff believes the new approach of retaining players after a string of failures may bamboozle the opposition. “The Aussies is expecting uz to ditch ‘alf the side an’ chook it in”, said Flintoff. “It’s gunna get in their edds an’ mess ’em oop stickin’ with blooks who don’t seem to noo which end of the bat to ‘old”.
Reserved Aussie opener David Warner hesitantly weighed in to the debate, telling Sky News that “Our boys will fight anyone the Poms send on to the ground. I’ve got a kid now, so I have to set a good example for them growing up, you know? What better way to do that than sledging the weak, pastey bastards that England keep serving up?”
Australia has been considering stealing a move from the English playbook by reinstating a cricketer well past his prime, with ‘keeper Brad Haddin rumoured to be in line for a recall for the third Test.
Meanwhile, there has been no comment from the Australian camp following rumours that Shane Watson has broken his arm and strained a hamstring while restyling his hair after the first day of the tour match against Derbyshire.
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