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The Liebke Ratings - fourth Ashes Test, part two

9th August, 2015
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Stuart Broad doesn't mind a spot of village cricket. (AP Photo/Jon Super)
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9th August, 2015
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England have regained the Ashes (check www.whohastheashes.com if you don’t believe me), bowling out Australia for 253 early on the third day of the fourth Test to win by an innings and 78 runs.

Here are the ratings for the second half of the fourth Test.

Comebacks
Grade: C

Having been completely dominated from the very first session of the game and with all their brilliant work over the past few years threatening to be brought undone, the series favourites rallied heroically on the second day, throwing everything they had at the brash challengers.

But it was to no avail. The long comedy reign of England was over. Australia, collapsing for just 60 before lunch on the first day, in what was the most important Test most of them would ever play, were now officially the world’s funniest cricket team.

England tried hard, dropping catches, taking wickets off no balls, continuing to select Adam Lyth and so forth. But their time had passed. This new breed of Australian cricketers were back at number one in the ICC Test Comedy Rankings.

It’s been a long wait. Roll on, HomeworkGate 2.

Zero Sum Games
Grade: B+

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Oh, and speaking of that first innings 60, I’ve often heard the saying that you can’t win a Test in a session, but you can lose one. Most often this truism is claimed for actual cricket, rather than just the superior sport of comedy cricket, and is meant to champion the idea that a session of bad play can cost you the match, whereas the only way to win it is to chip away with session after session of outperforming your opponent.

This obviously makes no sense. Cricket is a zero sum game. One team losing is identical to the other team winning. So, if you can lose a Test in a session, you can most certainly win a Test in a session too.

Still, the saying sounds profound, even if it doesn’t adhere to the basic tenets of logic. And, ultimately, that’s the more important thing. If you’re a fan of logical consistency, don’t choose a sport that frowns on Mankads but applauds stumpings.

Number One Batsmen
Grade: D

Before this series began, Steve Smith was ranked the number one Test batsman in the world. He lost the spot briefly to AB de Villiers after the first Test, before regaining it with his double century at Lord’s.

All of which means that his batting average as the number one ranked batsman is 15.3, compared to his average as number two or worse of 59.6.

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Number one rankings are clearly dangerous. The only direction you can go from there is down, and Steve Smith has mastered this inevitable fact with the same effortless efficiency that saw him scale that peak in the first place. Is there anything he can’t do?

Joe Root, with a match-securing century in the England innings, is now the number one ranked batsman in the world, with a Test average of 56.6. Brilliant thinking from Alastair Cook and supercoach Trevor Bayliss to keep him away from that cursed number one ranking until after the Ashes were secured.

Ben Stokes
Grade: A+

Ben Stokes took 6/36 in the Australian second innings, his bowling fuelled, as always, by a combination of Red Bull, inexplicable rage and imminent heatstroke. The haul maintained the streak of England bowlers taking six wickets or better in an innings.

The streak is now Jimmy Anderson (6/47), Steven Finn (6/79), Stuart Broad (8/15) and Stokes (6/36).

Expect Moeen Ali and, oh, let’s say, Ian Bell, to chip in with dominant bowling performances in the fifth and final Test.

Michael Clarke’s Retirement
Grade: B+

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As soon as the Test ended, Michael Clarke announced his retirement from international cricket. This was, of course, a brilliant last ditch bid to bury the news of the Ashes loss.

What a great piece of meta-captaincy to go out on. Clarke may have lost his batting timing. But his timing in all other areas remains peerless.

Clarke has made himself available for selection in the fifth Test, possibly as a specialist spinner, and I genuinely hope he bows out, captaining a team for the future such as this:

Watson
Warner
Lanning
Smith
Maxwell
Perry
Nevill
Faulkner
Cummins
Starc
Clarke (c)

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